💡🐇 Naughty Thoughts

The Gay Girl

Ken is a confidant. Everybody tells him their secrets, the things they need a little help to deal with so they don't self-destruct. And he's never shared anybody's secret with anybody else, because he takes their trust very, very seriously. Sometimes he helps people with their problems, and more often he can give a little advice. But the majority just want someone to talk to; someone who can listen when they need to vent about their friends to someone who isn't involved. He can listen.

One person he listened to was Olivia. She told him that she was gay, when she couldn't bring herself to say those words to everyone else. Since then, a few of her closest friends have guessed, and Ken has been nothing but supportive, giving her the emotional strength to admit it to a few more people. They all respect her, even if the conservative town they live in is a little behind the rest of the world and she's still afraid to come out in public.

As they're getting to the end of their school lives (maybe 6th form?), a couple of friends start to think that Ken is the only person they know who hasn't had a girlfriend in school. They start thinking about trying to set him up with someone, but they don't know who would be a good match. So the wannabe matchmakers ask him what type of girls he's into, and he says that he's happy. He likes being there for his friends, and he really doesn't have any interest in dating. It's not lack of opportunity; just that he's happier being slightly separate from the usual social turmoil. He's the eye of the storm; he can see all the drama, but he's never a part of it. And he suggests that if they're so set on helping someone, they find someone who actually wants a relationship.

After a lot of head scratching, they pick Olivia. She's overcoming her shyness now, telling all her closest friends that she's gay, but she's never actually had a girlfriend. And given the slightly oppressive nature of the gossip she would be facing, they can understand why she's scared to approach the girls she likes. But they decide that they're going to set her up on a date; they're going to find some way she can see someone without needing to be scared, or shy. And they do their best, but there's always something that doesn't quite work right.

That's because Olivia isn't gay. She told Ken that because she felt embarrassed about always turning down the boys who flirted with her, but she was afraid to come out with the truth: that she has a massive crush on him. And she still does; but when he's given such good advice for her imagined problems, and helped her to come to terms with something that isn't actually true, she felt like it would make him feel inadequate if she didn't reveal the "secret" to her other friends after he'd worked so hard to give her an opportunity. So now she wants to tell him the truth, she feels more mature now, but she can't bring herself to say it. The weight of all the lies is too much to overcome, so she has to play along as her friends try setting her up with one girl and then another.

And after a while, playing along so as not to disappoint them, she starts to realise that she's actually enjoying one of the dates. She's still too nervous to set up a second date, because she feels like that would be leading the girl on. That's too far to take the big lie. But as she's starting to actually question her sexuality, she also notices the last response she expected from any of her friends. Sometimes, she gets the impression that Ken is trying very hard to hide his jealousy. And she starts to suspect that he's been hiding his own feelings for her for a long time; because he doesn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, and he thinks he knows for sure that she wouldn't be interested.

Even knowing that, it's hard to unravel a lie that has so much momentum... where does she even start?