Love is Stronger than Blood (Snowdrop Oneshots)

70- the first fall of snow

And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue?
Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?
'Cause in this city's barren cold
I still remember the first fall of snow
And how it glistened as it fell
I remember it all too well
===

Jang Hanna tightened her black coat around her frame as she walked down the busy Seoul street. Her eyes remained fixed on the taller man who walked a little ways ahead of her, pushing his way through the flow of pedestrians, like he was in a rush to get somewhere.

She'd spotted him a couple minutes ago on a different street. She hadn't even seen his face yet, but a shock of familiarity had come over her when he'd passed by her. Seized by impulse, Hanna had turned and begun following him in the opposite direction.

The man's black, messy hair and dark grey overcoat didn't exactly stand out in the crowd, but she never lost sight of him.

She was almost certain he was the one she'd been searching for over the past few months.

Hanna called out his name a couple times, but the man never heard her over the bustle of the city. Or, maybe he was just ignoring her. That only made her more determined to catch up to him.

The man turned a corner around a building, and Hanna broke into a run so she wouldn't lose him. The road they were now on was filled with street vendors, locals, and tourists, all getting ready for the rapidly approaching holidays. That did not make singling out a specific guy very easy. The crowd was the perfect disguise for someone who didn't want to be seen.

Hanna frantically scanned the heads of the people milling about, until she found him again, walking a straight line across the square, acting like he was the only one there. She pushed past several people who gave her annoyed looks as she rushed by them.

Where the hell is he going?

Her eyes remained razor-sharp, focusing on her moving target. She wasn't going to let him get away. Not after she was so close.

But what if you're wrong? A little voice whispered in her head. You haven't even seen his face yet. It could be anyone. There's no guarantee it's him.

She shoved the little voice to the back corner of her mind. It was right— she didn't have any guarantee he was who she was looking for. But she had to try.

He was the greatest thing she'd ever had, then the greatest thing she'd ever lost, and she was dead-set on getting him back again. No matter what it took.

The man she was following opened the door to one of the many office buildings lining the road. She sprinted forwards and caught the door right as it was about to close.

"Kangmu—"

The man turned around, and her heart dropped.

It wasn't him.

"Oh," she mumbled sheepishly. "Mianhamnida. I... I thought you were someone else."

Without giving him a chance to answer, she shoved open the door and threw her hood over her head as she walked away. For some reason her heart was pounding in her chest. Her eyes welled with tears, and it wasn't just because of the cold wind biting her exposed face.

It was so unfair. She couldn't believe she let herself get her hopes up. Now, she'd only fallen deeper into her depression.

Hanna wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve as she hurried back down the way she'd come. She stopped at the bus station just in time to board. She found an empty seat right behind the driver and sat, trying to make herself as small as possible. She didn't want anyone to notice the way she clenched her jaw in anguish, blinked back the constant tears that threatened to fall, or her reddened cheeks. She tried to calm her breathing, but her throat felt like it was closing up, and she was choking on her own misery.

When the bus arrived at her stop, she bolted out.

From there, it was a two-block walk to her apartment. She ran the entire way, not caring anymore who saw her. Once she was safely inside her apartment, she slammed the door and sank to the floor with her back against it. Only then did she throw off her coat and allow herself to cry.

It was the worst kind of despair— she desperately wanted for someone to come and comfort her, but the only one who could actually make her feel better had disappeared over four months ago without a trace. And in her tiny apartment, not even her mother was there to let her cry in her arms.

Hanna let herself cry until she'd run out of tears. Still choking on ragged, painful breaths, she forced herself up from the floor to hang her coat, kick her boots into the shoe closet, and stumble over to her kitchenette to make herself a hot cup of tea. The mug of almost-boiling water was too hot to hold, but she stubbornly kept her hands on it anyway, just to feel the physical pain that was far easier to endure than emotional pain. She burned her tongue on the tea, but she couldn't care. She was all out of shits to give.

Breathing in the steam rising from her mug helped her calm down. She took a long sip, feeling the hot liquid pour down her sore throat.

"Lee Kangmu..." she muttered into the cup. "I fucking hate you."

As soon as the words left her mouth, she startled in disbelief. She hadn't even meant to say them.

Did she really hate him?

Just a few short minutes ago, she'd been wishing for him to be there with her. To be fair, she'd been wishing for that ever since he vanished. She'd been wishing for an explanation, preferably one that didn't state the reason he left as being that he hated her or was getting cold feet about marrying her in three months' time.

If he was still there, they would've been married almost a month ago. She wouldn't be sitting here alone, dying of loneliness. She hated that she was going through this, but she couldn't hate Kangmu.

"Mianhae," she whispered, like he could somehow hear her. A tear fell onto the rim of her mug. "I just miss you. A lot."

Meanwhile, an entire continent away, Lee Kangmu was just getting himself out of bed in Germany, eight hours behind Korea. He went to the coffeemaker in his apartment and turned it on, looking out the window as he waited for it to heat up.

The sky was grey, and even inside, Kangmu could feel the chill of the winter air. He was already dreading the cold weather. It would be his first winter in a while without having Hanna to hold and keep him warm.

Now with a hot cup of coffee in his hands, he returned to the window, seeing a few flakes of snow falling. He closed his eyes and breathed in the comforting scent of the coffee. It took him back to the dream he'd had the previous night.

He'd found himself at a little coffeeshop, with Hanna sitting in the booth next to him, but with her back turned. The smell of coffee floated through the air.

"Hanna?" Kangmu had asked.

She'd turned back to face him with watery eyes and a heartbroken expression. A tear fell onto the rim of her mug.

"I miss you. A lot."

Kangmu had immediately snapped awake with a choked-back sob.

He opened his eyes, bringing himself back into the present.

"I'm so sorry, Hanna-ya," he murmured, like she could somehow hear him. "I miss you a lot, too."

===

Mianhamnida/mianhae: I'm sorry