Dance In The Rain

~28~ In Honor Of Cook

Holden's POV

I can hear his crying from my bedroom, and it makes me cry even harder.

I feel like absolute shit. I didn't ask for this! I didn't want this! I'm only 23, and I don't have my life together. Why the hell did I have to take on such an insane responsibility?

I cry into my pillow until it's completely soaked, and then I get up and cry in the shower.

I hated causing him pain.... I didn't think it would be that hard to spank him. All the times I've seen kids get spanked, it never looked like it phased the parents.

All the damn times I thought "when I have kids, they'll never act like this....." I wish I could just punch myself in the face! I had no business judging any parent when I wasn't even a parent myself.

I'm only now beginning to realize how hard this truly is.

When I finally get out of the shower and dressed, 45 minutes have passed and I decide I need to talk to him.

Did I just undo all the progress I made? Was I even making progress?

I knock on the door and there isn't an answer. When I pop my head in they're both asleep on Tate's bed, wrapped up in each other's arms, so I decide to let them sleep.

Goodness knows I still need more time to process

~*~

I hear them talking about an hour later, so I knock on the door and Julianne's soft "come in" floats through.

I open it and Tate is on his stomach, scrolling through the phone I haven't taken away.

I walk in and look at Annie, giving her a soft smile. "Can you leave us alone for a few?"

"Sure," she nods as she gets off her bed and leaves, and I grab her arm before she can walk down the hall. I pull her into me and kiss her head. "Please don't be scared of me," I whisper.

She says nothing, but the change in her posture tells me that I have some damage control to do with her.

I sit down on Tate's bed, and he pretends like I don't exist as he continues to scroll through Instagram.

"Can we talk?"

He sighs as he closes out his app and sets his phone down, sitting up and wincing slightly as he leans his back on his headboard.

"You good?" I ask when he finally makes eye contact with me.

At his small nod, I rest my hand on his foot, which he promptly kicks off.

"Tate, I........That was a lot harder for me than I thought it was going to be. Hearing you cry completely slayed me...."

"So you won't spank us anymore?" He asks in a hopeful tone.

I give him a small smile and shake my head. "You will still get spanked if I feel like you need it, but it was really really hard for me. I don't want this to set us back to where we started. Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say? That I forgive you for making my ass red and uncomfortable to sit on?"

"No, but I need to know where your head is at. What the hell were you thinking? Were you testing me last night?"

He shakes his head and blows out a breath. "No," he finally says.

"Then what was it?"

At his silence, I take his chin gently and tip it up until he looks at me. "I can't help you if you don't talk. Help me understand why you deliberately disobeyed me!"