Dance In The Rain

~50~ The Lookout Gone Rogue

Holden's POV

We drink our beer in silence, but having her with me isn't awkward. Even though I've hurt her in ways I'm not even completely sure of yet, I still need her here.

"Where do we go from here, Sylvie?" I finally ask, and I look over to see her swishing beer around in her mouth before she swallows.

She rests the bottle on her knee, only holding it with her thumb and forefinger as she stares at it intently. "Did you know that you're the only one that ever calls me by my name?"

"What?"

"Sylvie. Everybody in my life calls me Quinn, except for my brothers, who have their own colorful names for me most of the time."

"Nobody calls you Sylvie?" I ask, unsure of what she's trying to get at.

"Just you," she says as she looks at me and gives me a sad smile. "Why have you never called me Quinn?"

"I'm sorry...I...Would you rather me call you Quinn?"

"Holden," she sighs in exasperation as she takes her beer bottle and sets it on the ground. "You're missing my point."

"Sorry......I.....Quinn just feels too formal..."

"That's what I mean...You've always been closer to me than everybody else in my life."

"I'm sorry, Sylvie...She's just so deep in my head that I....I never meant to hur...."

"Was your dad abusive, Holden?" She interrupts.

"He hit me a few times."

"There's more than one kind of abuse," she says sadly as she reaches over as takes my hand, squeezing it gently.

"What?"

"Physical abuse is the obvious one people talk about. There's so many more though, Holden. Sexual, Emotional, Financial...There's more and they're all just as big of a deal as physical. I'm guessing he emotionally abused you?"

"He said evil things, if that's what you mean."

"Partly, yeah. Manipulation?"

"If I didn't do what he wanted, I guess."

"I think you're so use to abuse that you didn't realize your girlfriend was just like your dad."

"Are you trying to tell me that my girlfriend abused me? Get real, Sylvie! Men don't get abused by women...."

"Are you being serious? I read a statistic the other day that every year, one in three men are abused..... She both physically and mentally abused you, and you've been so blind to it that makes me want to cry!"

I'm stunned into silence for a moment, because the tone she's taking with me is "Bar Quinn" and not Sylvie.

"Sorry," she breathes as she shakes her head in disgust. "It isn't your fault, Holden. It's not your fault, but it's time to break this cycle. It's not healthy for you, and it sure as hell isn't healthy for those kids."

"I don't know what you want me to say," I finally breathe as I take another swig of my beer and hold it loosely in my hand.

"Nothing...I'm proud of you for what you did tonight, Holden. Seeing you go through this shit for years has been hell for me."

She stands up and places her beer next to my phone on the floor, and reaches down to kiss my forehead. The way her lips feel against my skin is such a strange sensation, that I all but jolt from the zap it sends me.

"I'm gonna head home. If you need me, call. You need to get some sleep though..You look like a zombie from Walking Dead."

"What's Walking Dead?"