neighborly

three - small dicks

Im stressed.

Not because my mom died or that my moms company merge got delayed meaning I would actually have to meet my father.

Im stressed because I cant think of a stupid way to get Roman back for disturbing my sleep, calling me mean names, throwing coffee on me and (thankfully) cockblocking me.

Im not like this. Im usually very good at this.

But I cant think of a single way, its been two weeks.

So I did what any teenage girl does when they get stressed, I hit the mall.

After hours of walking around the mall, hitting up the food court, running away from boy hitting on me and losing my scent due to overstimulation in bath and body works, I stumbled into American Eagle.

I walk around, sipping on my iced chai which isn't as good as the one the Indian restaurant across from the mall makes. Thats heaven in a cup.

"Need any help?" A girl said to me, glancing at me staring confused around the store.

"Yes! I was wondering if you guys had any washed out ripped jeans? Size 0 actually maybe 2 because I had a Netflix marathon last night."

She laughed, her brown hair bouncing in her ponytail, "This way." She gestured over to the other side of the store.

I looked around as we walked before seeing the rack of boxers. I laughed, "Do you guys sell the boxers with the stupid prints as a joke or do you actually have loyal customers?"

She looked back at them before laughing, "The quickest way to tell if a guy has a small dick is if he wears one of those."

"Thats so emba-." I stopped and quickly turned back towards the rack.

—

"Thank you." I said grabbed the stack of about fifteen extra small boxers from the girl I now knew as Lyla.

She snickered as she packed them, the designs ranging from american flags to dogs, all on extra small boxers.

"You got an ex you hate?" Lyla said ringing me up. "$374.85"

I handed her my card, "Worse. A neighbor."

Lyla smiled and tapped the screen, "Watch out girly, my childhood neighbor is my boyfriend."

I scoffed, "Please I cant even be in his presence for more than a minute."

Lyla smiled and handed me my card and the bags.

"Good luck."

Luck is exactly what I need as I walked around with my bags of tiny boxers, because address finding is hard.

After some instagram stalking in the mall parking lot, I ended up finding addresses of NYU sorority girls. My target was to find girls that would make Roman feel embarrassed as fuck.

Girls with boyfriends, its not like I was just handing him free pussy.

I went around in my jeep hopping out at addresses dropping off pairs of extra small boxers along with a note stapled near the crotch that read:

Fav pair, they fit so nice and loose! If found return to 3087 parkway luxury apartments at 7:00 (thats when I get off my plumbing job)

The note was the same for all the houses except the times changing in intervals of five minutes.
After I had gone through the bags of boxer, I headed home to relax on the couch waiting for seven o clock to approach.

I turned down the hallway, scrolling through instagram always immediately regretting it.

I reach down and pull my key out of my pocket, stick it into the keyhole and turn it. I slip into my apartment quickly because my loud ass door alerted the whole population I was home.

"Hi Lily." Roman yelled from his apartment, something he had grown fond of over the weeks.

I swear, even if I get home 2am he always say hi. Its as if he knows how annoying his hot, deep voice is.
Who said that. I didn't say that.

"Fuck off." I yelled back, more to myself that him.

I ignore whatever insult he yells back, and settle into my spot on the couch.

6:55 I pop up and lay flat on the ground and twist my head, since Romans apartment was directly next to mine. There was a large hole at the bottom causing me to see possibly up to the knees.

A few moments later, two girls appeared wearing cowboy boots carrying a plastic bag.

"This it?" The left girl say chewing gum and based on her legs was staring up at the door.

" I figure." The other one with a Tennessee accent said.

Aw that's cool, I hate country men.

They go back and forth for a minute about who's gonna knock before country girl ends up knock very lightly on the door.

After a moment, Romans door opens.

"What." He said in the most uninterested tone ever imaginably.

Cowgirl stutters for a second before her friend pushes past her and holds out the bag, "These are ... yours."

I assume Roman looked at the bag and gave them a confused look because cowgirl redeemed herself and handed it to him.

Roman looked into the bag, "I- um. No."

"Its okay, don't be ashamed." The friend said, probably smiling up at Roman.

"Im not fucking ashamed because they aren't , mine."

"Well , I think they are! Thats why we are returning them."

"Fuck off."

Roman slammed the door on their faces.

"He was hot." Cowgirl said to her friend who turned, "Yeah but did you see the size of his boxers?"

It continued for an hour, the first six groups ending up with the door slammed on their faces and for the others, Roman not even opening the door. After a while, I just started openly laughing.

"Shit Roman, I didn't know you wore extra small boxers." I called through the vent I discovered in my laundry room that connect to his.

"Go fuck yourself Lily."

"But I already made plans with your dad!"

—

author note :::::

this isnt even 1k words.

sorry its short but im starting four now usually its 3 or 4k but i didnt know what else to add.