neighborly

thirty seven - i got married

I shift around, something stabbing at my back, then my face, then pounding in my forehead.

I move and realize I am definitely in a tree.

Can you blame me? Last night was Alina's bachelorette party, and I saw Alexis for the first time in weeks. So yeah, I might have gotten like a little drunk.

Just a little.

I groan seeing that my dress was ripped in multiple places, and I had a large bruise growing on my leg.

I find my phone, surprisingly intact and scroll through my messages frowning as none were from Roman. I hadn't seen him since I ran out of his room a day ago.

I give up, calling Alexis, "Where are you?"

"Some random bathtub." I feel her shift around, "Gross, they used five in one. Is that even a thing?"

"Apparently, Anyway I need your help. I'm stuck in a tree."

"Just climb down, obviously you climbed up." I hear her rustling on the end as she says this.

"Im way bolder when im drunk." I whine, shooing a chipmunk away from me,

"Yeah no sorry im a lesbian." I hear Alexis say to someone on the line, then something I can't decipher, "Im in Brazil?! What??" She shrieks.

"Least it's not Canada." I joke before hanging up.

Alright, I call Asher then, who picks up after the like eight ring when I know he's not busy, "What do you want? More couples therapy? because unfortunately i've retired."

"Im stuck in a tree and I need you to help me get down." I groan, massaging my temples. This hangover is going to kill me.

"I really never know what to expect when you call me." Asher grumbled and I close my eyes, "So you're coming?"

"No im leaving you in a tree." Asher hangs up.

My eyes droop in on themselves as I cozy up against a branch, I knew Asher was coming he wasn't stupid enough to leave me here, but the question of WHEN he was coming is well .. questionable.

I look to my right, and scream as I see some random bird literally giving birth seven inches from my head. I accidentally throw myself back, tripping over the branch and halfway falling down.

A branch scratches my leg, and takes off the bottom of my dress which was already short. I rip part of it off and throw it. Fuck mother nature.

My dress was so short at this point that gosh forbid I bent over, phew. I drop down from branch to branch, to the lowest one which was still hovering ten feet above ground.

While making the choice to jump or not, mother nature gets its payback and the branch snaps.

Plummeting me down ten feet straight into the mud, which hurt like wow oh zoo we mama that hurt quite bad.

I lay there in defeat, before hopping back up painfully. At least all of my physical pain was better than my headache, which was still getting worser by the second.

But not as bad as the time I woke up on the 17th hole of a golf course, and was then forced to walk 16 holes at peak golfing time back to the clubhouse half naked.

My golf ball sized bruises have never fully healed.

I observe my surrounding, okay. Classic Mexico home in a neighborhood with a fence. Oh geez the fence would be a problem. I suck it up, take a running start to hop the fence and completely fail sprawling back down to the ground.

I resort to climbing it, hopping over to the other side after a ten minute freak out on top of the fence convincing myself to jump.

And I jump right into some kids 7th birthday party.