divers

voices

I don’t know how to behave anymore. I am beyond confusion.

I don’t know what to do anymore. There are so many voices in my head, all telling me something completely different. And that in every openminded situation I find myself into.
For example, some voice tells me to pick up the trash on the sidewalk, because with this cleaning act I could help the environment, but the other voice tells me to not pick it up because other people around me could see and judge me. So, what do you do? Which voice convinces you and overrules the other?

Some voice tells me to hang out with my friends from graduation, to stay in contact. Some other voice tells me that I am too much exhausted, socialy exhausted from working in an social environment that I shouldn’t meet them to relax a bit before the next week. So, what do you do? Do you behave selfish and stay home because you feel like it doesn’t do you any good to see more people in your freetime or do you put the needs of your friends first and meet them and ignore your needs? See, already two different voices telling me different things again.

Some voice tells me  that it is okay to be alone and not have a partner. Some other voice tries to sell to me the absolute perfect idea of being in a relationship with a partner who supports you no matter what.

Some voice tells me to go a little slower if I don’t have the strength to power through whatever situation I am in, whatever life is throwing at me. Some other voice tells me to not stop, to keep going even when it is hard to, especially when it’s hard, because this is the way I can heal and overcome myself.

Some voice says to me that it is okay to quit when I feel like I need to, when it hurts the badest, when I can’t bear it anymore, but some other voice tells me to be strong, to not show weakness, to stand up to my demons with my head held high facing them.

Some voice tells me that I should look into myself, work with my emotional damage and figure out a way to get past the trauma so I don’t see everything through the glasses of how my past has affected me. But some other voice says that I learned. I was conditioned to feel like I feel now about certain matters, to be like I am right now, to act like I act now. That it is nothing I can unlearn because I got stronger and wiser because of what I experienced. That shedding all that would mean to look at the world as naive and littleminded as I looked at it fifteen years ago. That is what the one voice tells another. They tell themselves to go fuck them. And my head spins because of that.

Some voice says that I should shave my legs and armpits because it doesn’t look good because of my dark hair. But I say: Fuck you! I like it that way. I might not love my body just now, but I like how it looks and I like the advantages that come with not shaving.

That is one fact I know how I feel about it. That, I have figured out. I hope, the rest will make some sense, too, in some time from now.
But I get the feeling that this is the reason why there are so many different characteristics in the world, so many different ways people behave. For one, they all made different experiences. No one lived the same life as another, no one lived through the same loss and shame and love and happiness. Everyone experienced something different, that is why we are all so different. And because of our different experiences, we all act out different, feel different, are different than any other human being. That is why we have so many voices in our heads, telling us to go here and there, arguing and contradicting each other all the time.

That is why our society is a variety. It is diverse. It is like nothing else. And it is our task to filter out the voices we want to hear and to act out in what we believe in. That is the only way to stay true to ourselves and to be true to everyone around us.

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Sooooooo meine lieben Leute!
Das ist erst einmal das Ende von DIVERS !
Ich möchte mit diesem Kapitel abschließen, werde aber natürlich nicht aufhören zu schreiben und euch auch weiterhin mit Gedankenansätzen, Fragestellungen und ShortStories versuchen, euch ein bisschen das Leben zu versüßen und euch einen Denkanstoß zu liefern.
Ich bedanke mich bei allen, die mich in der Entstehung dieses Werkes unterstützt und mich mit lieben Worten angefeuert haben, weiterzumachen! ♡♡

Ich hoffe, man sieht sich wieder !