Hobbit and lord of the rings one shots

The company

Slight Smut warning
This is set a while after the battle of the five armies and thorin, fili and kili survive
Y/n and mala are dwarf women

any existing canon pairings like gloin and gimli's mother did exist but they ended
Thorin, fili and kili aren't of any relation to gloin, oin, dwalin or balin

Y/n's pov

"What can i get for you gents" i say to two older men sitting at my bar "a date" one says making me sigh "sorry sir i already have a dwarf or thirteen and a girl" i say and he looks shocked "now what can i get you both before i ask you to leave" i say looking between them "ale" the other says noticing my stern look as he looks up from his book "which kind, elven dwarven or men" i ask and they look at each other "dwarven please miss" the one reading says and i nod "and you" i ask and he clears his throat "elven please" he says and i nod "coming right up" i say pouring their drinks before handing them to them "payment" i say and they nod handing over coin pouches "thank you have a nice evening" i say as they leave the bar and sit at a table near one of the fires "how many is it today y/n" my best friend and girlfriend mala asks as she walks to me from the other end of the bar "ten, thankfully none of our dwarves are here so hopefully no mess tonight" i say and she laughs before a rumble of thunder interrupts the calm music and chatter "alright folks last orders" i shout and everyone complains "enough or i won't give you anymore" i shout again and a pile of orders come through so mala and i get to work serving the patrons and new faces alike before i hear mala shout "get off of my ass" hearing this i set the tankards i had on a nearby table and grab the dagger dori gave me walking towards where she is "mind getting your hand off her before you lose it" i say grabbing the guys shoulder "hah a bar wench like yourself could do nothing even with a pretty silver dagger like that" he spits at me and i feel it hit my face "you realise you just spat on king thorin's partner and grabbed his other partners ass, yeah?" i say and he goes pale as the door slams open "y/n, mala" i hear kili shout making me smirk "kili" i say turning to him with an upset look on my face "he spat at me and grabbed mala's ass" i whimper and he raises an eyebrow before calling everyone inside "who touched our girls" dwalin growls and mala points to the guys "oh my girls come here" balin says with a kind smile "he spat on me" i say and balin looks mad but hands me his handkerchief "you touched my girls" thorin shouts making the tavern go silent as balin and bofur keep mala and i looking away but we know what the rest of them are doing "told you, you'd lose your hand" i say as the guy shouts about his hand "skanks" he spits before bifur grabs his throat tightly shouting at him making mala and i giggle "what's so funny" fili asks standing behind bofur "you are all so protective" mala says smiling making fili nod "we've gotta be, pretty girls like yourselves are hard to come by" he says with a smirk "can we go back to work now" i ask and bofur lets me go "i think im going to hold on to this one for a bit" balin says with a smile as mala sits on his lap "that's fine we're almost done anyway, so why don't you sing a song bofur" i ask and he smiles "anything for my lassies" he says standing on a table and beginning to sing as i serve the final few drinks dancing merrily with the few young children running about the tavern, once bofur's finished i shout "alright that's the tavern done for tonight so everyone off you go" after this the new comers leave before the patrons say goodnight to mala, the company and i "night miss mala, miss y/n, master dwarves" the sweetest old lady says as she tries to get off her chair "here anna let me help" i say helping her up with a smile "such a sweet girl" she says before leaving once she is gone i lock the door and begin to make dinner for everyone considering i know bombur, mala and i are hungry "love go sit down we will make your dinner" thorin says hugging me from behind "darling no offence but you cannot cook to save your life" i say kissing his cheek before continuing to cook some chicken and potato soup since it was the last of my bar ingredients i had left "y/n love come here" bombur shouts through making me sigh "no let me cook in peace you noisy bunch" i shout and thorin sighs before walking away as i hear lighter footsteps walk in so i know its either ori or mala maybe one of the princes "no let me cook" i say turning to see mala who pouts "let me help honey" she asks hugging me "fine" i say as she too kisses my cheek "im hungry" she says and i laugh "let me finish cooking then you can eat" i say and she raises a brow "not that kind of hungry love" she says with a smirk "no mala out of the kitchen, shift it" i say shoving her out the door "one more of you come in not one of you will get to touch or kiss me for the next two weeks, unless its bombur to taste what i make" i say shoving mala out into the main room before slamming the kitchen door closed "baby" i hear bombur say through the door "bombur you can come in" i say and the door opens "whatcha making" he asks and i smile "chicken and potato soup, garlic bread, some chips and a batch of my chocolate chili shortbread" i say and he smiles "your always too good to us" he says and i smile "i enjoy seeing you all smile" i say as he begins to make something "whatcha making" i ask and he smiles "sausage and mash, a cheese board and stew since everyone is hungry" he says with a sweet smile "alright" i say and after a bit everything is done, "kili, thorin, bofur and nori come carry plates" i shout and they appear in the order i called "carry these and do not drop it kili" i warn handing him a few plates of food, then handing thorin, bofur and nori plates before bombur and i take the rest to the tables, seeing the mess from earlier cleaned up "where's fili and mala" i ask and balin makes a face that tells me i know where they are already "horny bloody dwarves" i mutter making everyone laugh as we sit down to eat "kili go get your brother and mala" i say and he nods with a grimace "just knock on the door kee" bofur shouts after him, eventually i have to get them because kili didn't come back, when i get up to the massive bedroom constructed so all of us fit in, i see mala in the middle of both fili and kili moaning and groaning "why do i bother cooking for you three" i say making them jump "but baby she's so hot" fili says as more of a whine making me huff "don't but baby me get your royal asses down to that dinner table now" i say walking past them to the wardrobe and grabbing one of bombur's giant jumpers "move" i say still hearing mala moaning "you know what im not saving you three anything make your own fucking food" i say walking past again and slamming the door behind me "fucking, shitty mannered, cunting, bastards" i mutter as i sit beside dwalin who looks at me concerned "im never cooking again" i mutter leaning on him "you look good in bombur's jumper darling" thorin says smiling before continuing to eat "fucking hell" we hear mala scream making me roll my eyes "what's the matter lass jealous" bofur teases making me huff "no im pissed off, bombur and i cook all this stuff and those assholes go upstairs" i say feeling as though i did all this for nothing "darling its alright we all love the food" bifur says making me smile "thank you bifur" i say and he smiles at me happily before continuing to eat "i made my chili chocolate shortbread for after" i say and everyone smiles brightly "i can't wait" oin says smiling happily "so anything exciting happen today sweetheart" bombur asks me and i smile "i got a really big tip from one of the sweet young elven girls that come in for the chocolate chip cookies every day, apparently she's some relation to thranduil who is happy that his granddaughter i think she said she was, was happy every morning" i say and they smile "oh and mrs portalen had her twins, their the most adorable baby girls she brought them in to show me them" i say and everyone smile before fili, kili and mala walk in looking like they have been through hell and back "nope you three can make your own dinner" i say getting up and walking to the kitchen to get the shortbread "but y/n love come on, its always better when you make it" kili whines making me shrug "should have thought about that before you three decided to fuck instead of eat with us" surprisingly balin says before i can making kili and fili huff as mala walks in to the kitchen, they follow behind "well said darling" i say to balin who shrugs with a smile "no one makes our girl upset without being told off, not even someone in our crazy mix" he says making me smile happily before putting a bit of shortbread on everyone's placemat "i tried a new kind of chocolate in it" i say smiling as they all struggle not to eat it until after they have finished their dinner "what are they burning" i say smelling something burning so i walk into the kitchen to see them burning chicken in a pan "oh mahal get out the way" i say seeing its my good frying pan "you three out now" i yell and this attracts dwalin's attention "everything alright darling" he asks leaning on the counter "no they ruined my good frying pan, the one bilbo brought from bree for me" i say finishing making their food "there" i say dropping the three plates in front of them still annoyed "never step foot in my kitchen again, do you understand me, any of you three step foot in there and you will lose fingers" i say throwing the pan towards them and walking away "darling" gloin shouts after me but i ignore all of their shouts heading to the study that thorin and balin use for work when they aren't in erebor, sitting on the small couch they have in there eventually ori walks in with his sketchbook "i drew you something baby" he says with a smile "it looks amazing" i say seeing a picture of me cooking with bombur "i thought it would make you smile" he says sitting beside me "your sketches will always make me smile" i say making him smile as a small blush runs over his cheeks, before he looks down and says "thorin needs to talk to you" he looks like he's worried i will shout "okay lets go then" i say smiling at him before standing up and offering him my hand which he takes once he stands up "feel better now dear?" Balin asks as we walk in and i nod "yeah, im sorry for throwing a pan at you three" i say sitting beside dwalin again "darling we need to go back to erebor for a week or two we have dwarf lords coming for a visit" thorin says and i smile "can i come" i ask and he smiles "i was just going to ask if you were going to go with us" he says with a laugh "of course i love seeing erebor" i say smiling "alright, well lets head to bed then, who's turn is it with y/n tonight" nori says smiling as he tries to slip my ale tankard in his jacket "nori put it back" i say and he sighs putting it on the table again "good now i think its bofur's turn with me and if i remember correctly mala's with dwalin or bombur" i say and they nod "its bombur's turn" mala says from her spot on fili's knee "aye" bombur says as bofur just sits with a proud little smirk on his face "alright now up to bed the lot of you" thorin says smiling as they all make their way up the stairs except bofur and i we watch them walk up the stairs before bofur finally says "lass i need ya" he says pushing his chair back making me smirk "oh really" i tease walking over to him "really, i waited all evening lass" he says as more of a whine making me smirk, plant myself in his lap which he loves and uses to his advantage
"Damn lass you know your way about me" he says as we make our way upstairs "i can't feel my legs" i say as i wobble beside him "i did my job right then" he says lifting me up and carrying me the rest of the way to our room, where the massive bed is almost filled with everyone except thorin and dwalin, "bofur, thorin and dwalin are gone" i say quietly making him nod and look confused before we hear singing coming from the office room, so i get out of bofur's arms as he yawns and goes to get into bed as i wobble my way to the office to see both of them looking out the window at erebor and singing a song they usually sing in the forge making me smile as i lean on the doorframe eventually thorin turns and sees me making me smile brighter "how long were you there for" he says making me shrug "long enough, i love hearing you two singing" i say and they both smile "looks like bofur did a number on you" dwalin says as my legs shake "yeah" i say leaning more on the doorframe "lets go to bed darling" thorin says and i pout "but i like hearing you two sing forge songs" i say and they smile "how about we agree on singing misty mountains and then we go to bed love" dwalin says and i nod smiling happily as he sets me on the desk before they begin to sing it, making me smile and yawn before i feel thorin wrap his cloak round me "your exhausted darling" he says once their finished singing "lets get you to bed" he says lifting me up as dwalin gets the doors by the time we get closer to the bedroom im already drifting off "bofur here" thorin says in a hushed voice taking his cloak off me before the scent of bofur engulfs my nose making me smile as i snuggle up to him "night lass" he mumbles making me nod "night" i mumble back before falling asleep in the warmth all fifteen of us give off in one huge bed
When i wake up the next morning im on dwalin's pony fully dressed "morning love" he says noticing me looking about "we had to leave early this morning so we thought it best not to wake you and just get you dressed" he explains and i nod leaning against him with a yawn "morning dear" balin says as he rides beside his brother and i "morning" i say sleepily "you need not worry about the young elf we gave her a two weeks supply of cookies" he says and i smile "thorin she's sort of up" dwalin says and i hear thorin laugh slightly "give her time before you play pass the girl" he jokes making everyone laugh "you whined enough when we left" kili jokes at his uncle making me smile as everyone jokes about "dwalin im hungry" i whine making him laugh "bombur can we get something for y/n" he says slowing down so his pony is along side bombur "here love" bombur says handing down a sandwich to me "thank you bombur" i say with a smile making him smile before someone calls dwalins name from the front of the group "aye" he says making thorin smile "you awake lass" he asks me and i nod "good c'mere" he says and i smile climbing from dwalin's pony to thorin's "morning" i say as i begin to eat the beef and cheese sandwich "morning love, we're about fifteen minutes away from erebor" thorin says making me smile and nod "thorin" i say looking up at him "yes love" he says smiling at me "do you need dwalin, bofur and kili to be with you to meet the dwarf lord?" I ask and he smiles again "i do not need dwalin and bofur but i do need the rest of us present to meet this dwarf lord, dwalin, bofur and you have met this one already" thorin says and i nod with a smile "dwalin, bofur you two are coming with me somewhere when we arrive" i shout back to them making everyone laugh "stop breathing down my neck for god sake im just reading" i hear mala shout as bifur and dori look over her shoulder "ugh dwalin help me" she whines making him laugh "its their turn to travel with you lass, not much i can do" he says continuing to ride beside thorin and i "im guessing its your turn with me then" i say to both of them and they nod, after a bit longer we reach erebor and i see dis and thorin's brother standing at the door "dis, frerin, good to see you two" thorin says climbing off his pony leaving me sitting on the saddle as he hugs his siblings "y/n by durin's name its been so long" dis says smiling at me "its nice to see you too dis" i say as fili and kili spot their mother "ma" kili shouts jumping off his pony and hugging her tightly "oh my boys, i have missed you" she says hugging them both as thorins brother looks at me with a half glare making me move thorin's pony closer to dwalin "frerin enough yer scaring her" dwalin says holding my hand "so you share her with my big brother" the blonde younger version of thorin says and i look away from him "not exactly your concern he is happy that is all that matters" dwalin says but thorin's brother continues "oh so theirs another one in there" he says spotting mala who is mucking about with nori and bifur "ugly looking thing the other one is" he says and i jump off thorin's pony in an instant "no you do not talk about her like that, by all means berate me but keep her out of your mouth" i snap holding thorin's sword towards him "love stand down" thorin says but i tighten my grip on the sword as his brother looks at me disgusted "that's one of the bar wenches from dale, so is the other one, thorin your disgracing the durin name" his brother shouts but dis interrupts "i think your mistaken brother, thorin isn't, you are the girls barely got into erebor before you spouted your nonsense, at least thorin has partners unlike you" she yells making him back off and go back into erebor "love" thorin says but i hand him his sword back and go back to dwalin's pony "love" he says again making everyone look over "why didn't you do anything, he openly insulted mala and i and you stood and watched" i say shaking my head "your sister defended us more than you did" i say looking away from him "love look at him" dwalin says lifting my chin up "no he let his brother insult mala and i" i say leaning my head on his shoulder "fine by all means do not let me speak" thorin says and it sounds like he walks away "y/n a word please" dis says and i nod following her to her room "don't think to much on thorin not speaking against frerin, he's worried of losing frerin again, when we were younger thorin and frerin fought so badly one day that frerin left with our mother for the ironhills for five months, the last words thorin had said to him was that he hated frerin's guts and wished him death, frerin came back so badly injured that we had no idea if he would make it, thorin never left his bedside for months until he woke up" dis says and i begin to feel bad "so now after so many years thorin is still plagued by the idea he could lose his little brother again by arguing with him" she says making me look down "i feel bad now" i say and i hear her laugh slightly "do not feel bad, my brother is a dick" she says and i force a small laugh before i say bye and go to the room in erebor made for all of us by the time i get there, i have tears running down my face "darling are you alright" gloin asks and i shrug sitting on the bed "love" thorin says making me cry harder as he walks over to me "im so sorry, im so sorry, im so sorry" i say repeatedly as i cry "love its alright, calm down" he says hugging me tightly but my tears don't stop, "gloin fetch balin, bofur and anyone else" thorin says and gloin nods leaving and returning with bofur, bifur, nori, balin and dwalin "sweetheart, what's the matter" nori asks and i continue to cry "love did dis say something to you" dwalin asks and i nod slightly "mahal" thorin mutters handing me to nori before leaving "deep breathes sweetheart, come on calm yourself" nori says rubbing my back and i eventually calm down "what happened darling" bofur asks sitting beside nori on the bed "dis told me why thorin said nothing and i just feel really bad for shouting at him and not listening to him" i say and nori rubs my back comfortingly "don't worry yourself darling" balin says with a smile "you've nothing to feel bad for love, you were right" thorin says walking back in "i should have said something but i was that caught up with the past i could not see the present" thorin says but i shake my head "you feared losing a brother again, i was in the wrong" i say, after a while thorin decided that i wasn't taking it in when he said that i was the one in the right so he decided that bofur, dwalin, balin and him would fuck it into me
Time skip
"You lot sure know how to make my legs shake" i say leaning on dwalin's bare chest as i try to catch my breath "do you believe me now love?" Thorin says walking over with a cup of water for me "mahal yes how could i not after that" i say sitting up and regretting it "fucking hell" i mutter as a dull pain flickers across my lower body "i was going to ask if bofur and dwalin could take me to dale to shop but after what we just did i don't think my legs will take me further than the edge of the bed" i say and they all smile "so are you happy now darling" balin asks and i nod laying back down after taking a drink "good, mahal is that the time, the dwarf lords of the blue mountains and dain will be here in a few minutes" balin says sitting up and thorin sighs "your telling me they both arrive at the same time?" Thorin asks and balin nods "they don't get alone well, dwalin bofur i will need a hand to keep them from killing each other" thorin says before his gaze falls on my very naked body, "love you can stay here or come with me its up to you" thorin asks and i think for a second "come with you" i say and he smiles finding a clean one of his tops for me and smirking as he hands me that and only that "thorin, i need trousers or are you going to leave me with my ass hanging out" i complain and he smirks "i might just leave you like that love" he says and my jaw drops, as i look down and realise he still has nothing on and neither do the other three "you alright there darlin" bofur asks and i nod quickly pulling my eyes from thorin's happy trail "we must go" balin says sitting up and pulling his trousers on "oh come on the dwarf lords can wait" bofur says making balin sigh "someone needs to be there to meet them and i do not trust fili nor kili to do so properly" he says pulling on his top and cloak, before promptly leaving making me smile as dwalin and thorin begin to playfight over laying next to me "nice asses" bofur calls and they both go still and look down realising they have nothing on they go bright red "why so red loves, its nothing we haven't seen before" i say and they both stand up making me squeak and shift closer to bofur who also then realises teasing two very burly naked dwarves was not a good idea especially when they are your boyfriends "we were only joking" he sputters out looking wide eyed between them both as they whisper something before thorin's eyes stop on bofur and dwalin's on me,
"Im never teasing you again" bofur says panting as he lays on his stomach beside me "meanies" i whine as my hips fall to the left "if i could walk before i can't now" bofur says and dwalin and thorin just smirk as they get dressed "its in my hair and everything" i whine seeing something sticky and white in my hair "dwalin i just washed that" i complain and he smirks "so you've learnt yer lesson then" he says and i nod "alright let me help you up" he says as thorin helps bofur get dressed and dwalin gets me dressed in a pair of shorts and one of thorin's tops and takes his 'stuff' out my hair with a cloth "hey watch the ass" bofur complains as thorin smacks his ass on the way past "c'mere bof" i say and he wobbles his way to me "since they kinda walked off i need your help" i say and he nods letting me lean on his shoulder until we reach the throne room like ten minutes after thorin "i will not be in the same room as him" dain's voice echoes through the throne room as fili and kili spot bofur and i, they bump bifur and dori who then nudge who their standing next to and it continues until all our partners know we're there "woah" i say as my leg buckles and i land on the floor dragging bofur with me who lands on his butt with a groan "fili, nori go help them up please" thorin asks and both nod walking over trying not to laugh "what happened to you sweetheart" nori asks as he helps me up "thorin, balin and dwalin happened" i say leaning my full weight on him "bring her here nori" thorin says and nori helps me over to thorin who sits me on one knee and gets fili to bring bofur over and sits him on his other knee "why me this is humiliating thorin" bofur whispers making thorin smirk "it could be worse love so be quiet" thorin says and bofur blushes and hides under his hat "is your partner alright there" the blue mountains lord asks and thorin nods "perfectly, isn't that right bofur" thorin says and bofur nods quickly still hiding in his hat "speak bofur" thorin says and i see his hand going under bofur's waistband at the back which is covered by the arm of the chair "aye im alright" bofur says quickly with a wide eyed look at thorin "is she alright after falling" dain asks looking at me "she is" thorin says but i shake my head "my knee is bleeding" i say and he lifts up his top to see my scraped knees "oin a bandage please" thorin says and oin chucks one over, "here love" thorin says bandaging my knee "all fixed" he says making me smile as his hand rests on my thigh, the meeting continues for about forty more minutes "we will continue this tomorrow" thorin says and both dain and the other lord nod and leave "what did you do to them" nori says after the doors closed "at first bofur was fine, we made sure y/n knew she was right by fucking it into her but then bofur and her decided to tease dwalin and i and you can see how that ended" thorin says and i whine "my legs hurt" i whine and he lets out a breathy laugh "mahal you need a wash there are twigs and dust in your hair" thorin says and i glare at dwalin who is trying not to laugh "that's it you've both lost touching privileges" i say shakily getting off of thorin's knee and standing beside bifur who holds me up "come on love" dwalin says finally laughing but i shake my head "its going to take hours to get that out of my hair you dumbass brute" i say before letting go of bifur and making my way back to our room, i begin to start a bath running when bofur hobbles in "lass" he says obviously looking about the room "in here bof" i say and he hobbles in to the bathroom "you alright darling" he asks sitting against the sink "its going to take ages to clean my hair" i whine and he smiles "do you want me to help ya" he offers and i nod with a pout "please" i say and he smiles nodding towards the now filled bath, we quickly get undressed and sink in to the bubbly warm water "by my beard that feels good" he says with a sigh "uh huh" i mumble leaning against him "you two look mighty comfortable" fili says as he saunters in "if you do anything wrong fili i will make you sleep on the floor" i mumble making him laugh "calm yourself, i only came to tell you that thorin, dwalin, kili and i are going with dain to the iron hills for a few weeks" he says and my eyes widen "but that means" i start but stop as i realise they won't be here for my birthday "by durin, your birthday's next monday" bofur says and i nod "mahal" fili mutters running off, bofur helps wash my hair and once we're done we dry off, shove bottoms and i shove a bra on before we lay on the bed "i feel like i could sleep for fifty years" bofur mumbles making me smile "me too" i mumble back leaning my head on his arm "can't believe my birthday's so close" i say and he smiles "your going to be 78 wait no that's fili your going to be 76" he says and i smile "bof im going to be 80" i say and his jaw drops "i keep forgetting your older than the princes" he says and i smile "so darling whatcha want for yer birthday" he asks and i shrug "maybe like a new cloak or something" i say and he nods "d'ya want a party?" he asks and i nod "only a little one though" i say and he nods "y/n" kili's voice makes me turn towards the door "fi and i made you something to eat" he says as fili appears beside him holding a bowl "thanks" i say as kili puts a forkful in my mouth letting me taste the horrible thing they made but i smile trying not to hurt their feelings "why don't ya let her rest boys, dwalin was a bit rough on her" bofur says and they nod walking away with the bowl before my eyes go wide looking at bofur who smiles holding his hand out for me to spit it out "spit it out lass" he says and i nod spitting it in his hand "what was that" i whine as bofur walks away into the bathroom "who knows when its them" he says walking back over with a sleepy smile on his face, he lays back down and we both fall asleep pretty quickly not even properly on the bed just laying with our legs hanging off the edge "uncle we cannot go this week her birthday is this monday coming" i hear fili say waking me up "why'd you think we're going to the iron hills fili" thorin says and i feel a small pang of sadness at the mention but brush it off before sleepily sitting up "shh" i mumble opening my eyes and pointing to the still snoring bofur "don't wake him up" i mumble sleepily as i stretch and walk over to my vanity table, i get myself half decent looking and into a top which is actually dwalin's before standing up and walking towards the door "eh where are ye going lass?" bofur asks sleepily not even opening his eyes "food bofur, i won't be long" i say and he gives a sleepy smile before going back to sleep, once i reach the kitchen still half asleep i bump into dwalin and ori "you look tired baby" ori says and i nod "well being the focus of very burly dwarves is tiring not to mention i just woke up" i say as he hugs me "im sad ori" i say sleepily looking up at him as dwalin walks off "why baby" he asks and i pout "dwalin, kili, fili and thorin are going to miss my birthday" i say and he sighs "their going with dain aren't they?" he asks and i nod pouting "its alright baby you'll still have the rest of us" he says as he hands me some pasta that they made earlier "thanks ori" i say before realising i was going to feed bofur as well "i need to feed bofur as well" i mumble and he smiles handing me another bowl "there you go, i need to go see balin and oin about something so i will see you later" he says walking off as i grab two forks and go back to the bedroom where bofur is laying flat out on the bed snoring "bofur wake up i can hear you down the hall" i whine sitting on him making him sit up with a jump "by durin lass you scared me" he says as i stand up "its the only way to wake you up, anyway i brought food" i say handing him a bowl, he smiles and we eat in a comfortable silence "lass why don't we go sit down by the fire" he says and i nod as he takes my bowl off me "you go first i will catch up" he says and i notice he doesn't have his hat "bof where's your hat?" i ask and he shrugs "thorin probably has it or its somewhere in here" he says as thorin walks in "here bofur" he says chucking the hat over "thorin" i whine and he smiles at me "im not allowed to touch you remember" he says as i try to grab him and he steps back "fine don't listen then" i mutter walking away to the main room where the fire is in full roar, most of the company except bofur, thorin, ori, balin and oin are there just laying on the chairs some on the floor, mala is stretched out across fili and nori's lap "you alright there darling?" dwalin asks and i shake my head "why are you leaving me" i say looking down at him making him sit up quickly "leaving you?, oh you mean for the iron hills lass i don't have a say in it, thorin is adament on going this week" he says and i feel tears fill my eyes blurring my vision "come here love" dori says and i shake my head sitting on the floor by the fire looking at my feet "lass" bifur says sitting beside me "you know they would never miss yer birthday intentionally, its probably something important that thorin has to deal with" he says pulling me close to him as my tears fall down my face "its my eightieth birthday bifur, i wanted all my partners there" i say into his shoulder "yer eightieth mahal that's a big one" he says making me smile "i know" i mumble and he begins to tickle my sides "i need a smile or i won't stop ye know this" he says continuing to tickle my sides until i burst out laughing, stopping as thorin walks in with a scowl on his face, bofur trailing behind him sheepishly "bofur what's wrong?" kili asks as bofur sits beside him look at his lap and only his lap, when he looks up at kili his eyes widen, "bofur why are you crying?" kili says hugging him "ask yer uncle lad" bofur says wiping his face on his jumper sleeve "what did you do thorin?" mala shouts sitting up "nothing out of sorts, so lower your voice" he snaps back making her look shocked, balin and oin walk in looking between bofur, mala and i before looking around at everyone else "who did it?" balin asks and we look down "it was uncle" kili says still hugging bofur "don't start this again thorin, it is the last thing we need at the moment and you know fine well why" balin says sternly walking towards thorin "bofur what did he say to you love" kili asks and bofur shakes his head "i cannae" he says and i realise he doesn't have his hat on despite thorin giving it to him earlier "bofur did he do something to your hat?" nori asks noticing the missing hat making bofur's tears worsen "what did you do to my cousin's hat thorin" bifur snarls standing up "he tore it apart" bofur sobs making the room freeze, no one touches bofur's hat, its rare for bombur and bifur to get to fix it "thorin this better be a joke or your done" mala says standing up and walking towards bofur who pulls her into his lap and sobs in her shoulder "why would i joke" thorin says and i sigh "your on very thin ice oakenshield, between the factor of being desperate to leave for the iron hills and now this" i say shaking my head "you know how important that hat is to bofur, what stupid thought possessed you to tear it apart" dwalin roar standing in front of thorin, bifur standing beside him and bombur joining them "that hat was made by my mother, its one of the last things bofur has from her, so this better be a joke or mahal save you" bombur says glaring as fili, ori and i comfort bofur "he tore it to pieces, its the only thing i have from my ma" he sobs as mala rubs his back "did he tear it in our room love" i ask and he nods making nori and i stand up and walk to our room where we see that bofur's hat is literally in pieces at the end of the bed "by durin" nori mutters lifting the pieces "i think i can fix it" i say finding my needle and thread in a drawer "can you carry the pieces and i'll try fix it in the main room" i ask and he nods lifting the pieces we go back to the main room where everyone gasps but thorin at the sight of the hat "i think i can fix it" i say sitting in an armchair with pieces on the table beside me, i set to work on rebuilding the hat and sewing it back together, eventually getting it back to a somewhat normal look except for the new stitches running over it "bofur" i say and he looks at me before down in my hands with a smile "you fixed it" he says and i nod "can't have you hatless" i say making him smile as he sets it on his head "just be careful with it, its going to be very easy to damage now" i say and he nods before kissing me "by durin lass i love ya" he says as i wipe his cheeks with my thumb "i love you too bofur" i say kissing his nose before turning to thorin "you better have a good reason for that, or you can find yourself a new dwarrowdam because i am done" i say standing in front of him "i do not need to explain myself to the likes of you" he snaps storming off as i stand shocked "the likes of me, oh im going to fucking castrate him" i say furious as i go to follow him "not a good idea lass" nori says catching me on the way past "i know what he did was wrong and that he shouldn't have done it but attacking him could get you locked up" he says and i sigh letting myself relax in his grip "your right nori" i say as he pulls me over the arm of the chair and into his lap "you know i never told you lot how i got my hat only that it came from my ma" bofur says and we turn to look at him "yer ready" bifur asks and bofur nods "aye" bofur says before smiling "mahal i had to have only of been ten at the oldest, bifur a few years older than that and bombur was about three or four, by durin were we adorable" he says and we smile "it was a particularly cold winter that year, ma got sick so she spent most of her time inside, our da and uncle spent most of their time working to afford the medicine for ma, so it left the three of us to our mischeif" he says and bombur smiles "aye mischeif indeed" he says making bofur nod "one of the really cold days, ma was getting worse and we started to worry, she mentioned that we were running out of potatoes and carrots so gave me a few coins to go to the market and get some, she wanted bifur and bombur to keep her company, so off little me went into the market i got potatoes but couldnae afford carrots, so being me i didnae want to bother her again so i did the next best thing and begged the old stall man for some carrots, i think if i remember correctly and mind you my accent was strong as a lad, i think i said something along the lines of 'scuse me sir, my ma's real sick and i need some carrots to make her soup could ye maybe spare a few, i'll give ye the rest of my coin' being a small lad, and it was quite literally freezing he put a few of the wonky carrots as he called them into a bag and told me to keep the coins, i ran home with the stuff slipping many times as i did, when i got home my hair was a mess, and i had a cut running along my forehead" he says and bifur smiles "auntie went mental, she could barely stand but by durin could she shout, bombur and i were sent into the other room to get the bandages and rubbing alcohol and even with the door closed she could still be heard as plain as day, she was the only woman other than my own ma that i was feart of, and by durin could she put the fear in ye" bifur says his accent coming off really strong "aye that she was, my ma could shout and the whole area would go quiet no even my da would stand up to her when she was angry, but the worst was when auntie came down the stairs in the middle of ma giving me a telling off, by durin did i nearly piss myself, my ma and auntie could have a conversation without a single word, so after being told off, i had my arse tanned with a wooden spoon by my auntie, durin knows what i did but would i say that, not if aule himself offered me his bollocks" he says and we laugh "by the time they were done i was dumbfounded, ma had those two come back through and they were as white as a sheet, they couldnae find the stuff, auntie found it tanned bifur's arse in the process for no looking hard enough but no one by durin was allowed to tan bombur's arse, no even if he was being a wee shite, anyway by the time i found out what i did wrong my da and uncle had came home, apparently i had slammed the door open and knocked a picture off the wall, which bifur being a tool nearly stood in the broken glass, i couldnae sit down for days, then when ma explained what happened i got a row off da, he made me make dinner all the while bifur and bombur sat on their arses like princes" bofur says with looks towards them both "i felt bad for bofur that day, he got his arse tanned four times in total by each of the adults, once from his ma, once from my ma and once from each of our da's, they were relentless he got a row for not making dinner properly at ten years old" bifur says and bofur smiles "but i lived, the next morning i could barely walk down the stairs and got half way down before doing the only reasonable thing and bursting into tears, now i must say those stairs were steep and the only way bifur, bombur and i could get down them was by sliding down them on our arses so you can see the problem, the mines had been shut that day due to a small cave in so my da was there and he carried me down the stairs and set me on the kitchen counter, which is when i found out that ma was getting worse and no medicine could help her, he took me into the room she was in and she looked like death warmed up which is the only way to describe her, da sat me on the bed beside bifur and bombur who looked mighty upset i had no clue what was going on but ma smiled at us, she leaned into the bedside drawers" he says but stops and takes a breath "she pulled out three perfectly wrapped packages all in brown paper, she looked at bifur and i and said 'your to protect bombur and each other no matter the situation, know i will always love you boys, and yer to open them when im gone' once she said that i knew what was happening, but never knew how quickly it would come, she smiled at us one last time gave us each a kiss on the head before laying back and that was it she was gone, da dragged us kicking and screaming away, bifur and i sat for four hours staring at those packages, we both knew we had to open them but couldnae, it took four days for either of us to say a word let alone go near the parcels, but we opened them and inside mine was ma hat, she had made it herself on the days we went out to mess around, bifur got a set of daggers and bombur bless him had no clue what was going on but ma made him his first pair of woollen socks, da never let him wear them, never let bifur use his daggers but when he tried to take ma hat off me i kicked up enough fuss he left me with it" he says with a sad smile