Because You're My First Love // seongjoong

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨

Seonghwa

Seonghwa took one foot off the ledge. He closed his eyes for a split second as he felt his body going forward. The sounds around him struck him in the stomach. With the honking of car horns and the crashing of the waves below, Seonghwa opened his eyes, now afraid.

The world is still moving.

I don't want this.

I don't want to die!

His breath catches in his throat and images of Hongjoong flood his mind.

He was leaning forward, falling. He felt hes other foot start to lift...

This was it.

All of a sudden, a force pulled him and he stopped. His vision was blurred and he couldn't distinguish what he was seeing or even where he was anymore. Had he fallen? Was he dead and in the afterlife?

Suddenly, the sounds of the world came back to him and everything moved fast. He heard the screams of people around him. An arm was around his shoulders, shaking as the person struggled to keep Seonghwa's body on the ledge. Seonghwa turned around and his eyes were shaking, he was cold.

"H-Hongjoong?" Seonghwa was confused. His words were slurred and anyone can tell he was disoriented.

He was pulled back over the ledge taken away from death.

The man who was holding Seonghwa fell to the ground with weak knees. The man held onto Seonghwa as if it were the last time he would ever see him. Seonghwa looked around at all the people standing around them, then up at the man who had saved him.

His heart started to race and tears slowly filled his eyes. The man was looking right back into Seonghwa's eyes sharing the same expression of hurt and relief. 

"Seonghwa." Hongjoong's voice was breathless, "Why ...?" He held on tighter. "I almost lost you. I almost-" Hongjoong's voice completely broke instead replaced by choking, overwhelming sobs. Seonghwa felt Hongjoong ran his hands through his hair.

Seonghwa lifted his arms and wrapped them around Hongjoong, never wanting to let go. 

"I'm so sorry. I-" Seonghwa held onto him tighter. "I don't know why... I don't know. I'm so sorry."

He was rambling. In complete shock.

"I love you more than everything. I wasn't there for you. I couldn't protect you. I love you so much, Seonghwa. I always have."

Their eyes were red with tears. Hongjoong pulled away from the hug and finally saw Seonghwa's face. He saw the bruises. His swollen cheeks. The scars on his neck.

"God. What have I done. Where was I when you were going through this." Hongjoong's voice trailed off and his voice shook. 

Seonghwa's eyes went wide at what he felt the next second. Hongjoong started to plant kisses on every bruise, on every scar, and on every place, Seonghwa had been hurt. Seonghwa melted into the kisses. The feeling was so new yet was everything he dreamed of. Everything he wanted.

"I love you, Hongjoong but I- I didn't know how to tell you." Seonghwa's heart broke all over again. "I never considered how much pain you were in." He looked into Hongjoong's eyes. "I was selfish."

His friend shook his head, carressing Seonghwa's cheek.

"Everything is okay now. I'm holding you in my arms the way I always wanted."

When the two stared into each other's eyes everything they had been through, they realized, had been all for this moment. Seonghwa leaned in closer to Hongjoong, forgetting about everyone watching.

Their lips met, mixing with their tears. The kiss was like a kindling fire building up in the cold. Needy but passionate. The kiss held every 'sorry' and every 'I love you' they couldn't get to say.

Everything was finally right.

 ---

Seowon drove in his car ignoring every speed limit and every red light. He was sweating like a dog with tears surrounding his eyes.

"Fuck!" He screamed over and over in his car as he banged aggressivley on the steering wheel.

When he arrived at the bridge, he saw Seonghwa.

In particular, he saw that Seonghwa was not alone. He watched helplessly from the distance, dropping to his knees, as Hongjoong embraced Seonghwa. The man he was supposed to care for. It felt as though he was paying for his sins. But he knew what he was feeling was nothing compared to what Seonghwa had to go through. Even Hongjoong. 

" I never deserved him."

---

You helped me remember that I was loved.