Stronger Together (Kylo Ren x Reader | Maia)

Loss

Maia, RSD Finalizer

Two days before the meeting was supposed to take place, I found myself standing in front of one of the few viewports on the Finalizer, two corridors from the command station, staring out into the stars.

Something had me feeling... uncomfortable. It was a feeling that began last night while I was eating dinner, and I had yet to shake it.

Footsteps sounded out behind me, and somehow, I knew it was Ren. Perhaps it was the way his steps sounded heavier; perhaps it was the even strides that somehow reflected confidence. Maybe I heard the fluttering of his cloak.

It didn't matter how I knew. It was the first time I'd seen him since the tantrum he threw in the lift, and I was unexplainably a bit nervous.

"Maia?"

I was silent as he approached. The semi-quiet way he spoke my name told me he had picked up on my unease. He stopped next to me; his mask turned to glance down at me before following my gaze out into space. Finally, I spoke, unsure where the words even came from.

"Do you ever feel like you have no idea what you're doing?" I asked, my voice barely loud enough to hear.

I could tell he paused to think about it, his dark figure remaining still and erect. "As if you're making it all up as you go?" Goosebumps covered my arms at his deep, modulated voice.

I didn't move or speak, and after a brief moment of waiting for my response, he chuckled. The noise underneath the modulation sounded dark and mischievous, but still, I did not move, the unease inside me bubbling like a swamp on Rodia. 

"Every day." His confession surprised me. When I still did not react in any way, he shifted his stance and looked down at me. Something about the way he stared at me, his face covered by the dark metal but his body directed at mine, made me feel as if his attention were solely on me. It was... unusual. "What's up?" he asked mildly.

"I just have... a feeling." I gave him a halfhearted smile and turned toward the command station. I could feel his eyes on me as he watched me go, but I had nothing for him at the moment.

The feeling never went away, despite my best efforts. It was beginning to worry me—but it made sense around 1500 when a call from Hux came through. I pulled it up, his holo standing tall and proud, with only a slight edge to his expression.

"I have some personal news for you."

I furrowed my brows, surprised. What could possibly be considered personal in my life? I was a military woman, through and through. Nothing was personal.

"Okay," I said with a nod. I was beginning to understand that whatever he had to tell me was likely related to the feeling of unease I had.

"We have received word that your mother has passed." My heart seemed to freeze, as if my blood itself paused in mid-movement. "Some sort of illness, it would seem."

A wave of nausea washed over me, my heart now thudding loudly against my chest. My mother?

But, I nodded, fairly sure my inner struggle was not showing on my face. "Thank you for telling me."

"Of course. Are you alright?" I cocked my head at him. I was good at hiding my true feelings, and this was no different. He didn't care, he was searching for something in my reaction.

He would not be finding it.

"I see no reason not to be, sir."

"Ah, good. I'll see you in a few days."

I turned off the call and stared at the empty wall for a few minutes, feeling cold, my mind numb. I did not particularly wish to think about Mama or my childhood, so I didn't. It was a skill I'd perfected. Instead, I sat there, feeling the emotions without the thoughts.