Bud

Chapter 28

I walked silently down the hall ignoring everyone around me. I go to the library and grab several books before sitting down on the table and set everything out and pull my class work out and work on my homework and start working on it. The homework wouldnt take me long to finish and once it was done i was going to pull a journal out and work on more spells and try to make my own. Ive been working on it for the last month since we've been in school. I havent spoken to Lily, Sirius, James, Remus, and defiantly not Peter. 

I hear a chair move but i didnt look up. I kept my eyes between books and my homework. I was in the middle of writing a sentence when the person spoke from in front of me at the other side of the table

"Hey," i didnt look up i just paused for a moment before going back to writing, "Are you just going to ignore me?"

"Isnt that what you did for a week?" I look up at Sirius with a blank look on my face, "I also havent seen you trying to talk to me since school started" 

He frowns a bit as he watches me, "Whats going on?"

"Im trying to do my homework," I turn back to my homework and go back to writing

"Hey," he pulls the quill from my hand making me sigh and look to him still a blank face while he looked worried and concerned, "Whats going on? Your not talking to Lily and your not acting like yourself. I havent seen you smile once since being back. Whats going on?"

"Why dont you go pull pranks with Remus. You seem real buddy buddy with him since the Quidditch game"

I pack up my homework and leave, not caring to put the books away. I just leave the library and walk down the hall heading back to my dorm. Sadly i didnt make it to my room before im grabbed from the side and pulled into a hidden room or hall way or something i wasnt too sure seeing as i was yanked in fairly quick and the room turns dark before a ball of light comes on and im face to face with Sirius, yet again

"What the hell is your problem? Are you jealous because i hung out with Remus? I dont see him as anything other then a brother thats it. Hes like James"

I sigh again and shake my head slightly, "Im not jealous of Remus. I make a comment about telling Lily about us and you get mad at me because i didnt tell my parents because for some reason not telling my parents about you or about myself upset you to the point of ignoring me up until now. So why are you talking to me now?" 

"Look im sorry i ignored you ok? I was just upset"

"So now that your no longer upset your willing to talk to me? So its based off how your feeling? Good to know," i turn to leave only to pause and sigh heavily, "How do you get out of here?"

"Bud come on...." 

"Just open the door Sirius im not in the mood for this"

"Ok, your upset with me but why are you ignoring Lily? Why do you look so tired and depressed?"

"Because she would have to choose between me and our parents and im not making her choose that and it doesnt matter why i look depressed now please open the door," I motion to the door as i feel myself getting more annoyed and more upset. It was taking everything in me not to cry or shout, i didnt want to do either one

"What do you mean choose between you and your parents? Bud whats going on?" 

"My father told me im either not gay or i cant be in the family thats why. Im a fagget that my father refuses to have in his house and refuses to have near his family and he doesnt even want me to have his name thats whats going on and i have to choose weather to never be around my family again or never be around the guy i love so ya thats why im depressed thats why im ignoring Lily so she doesnt have to choose. So just open the stupid door so i can go back to my room. Damn it!" I end up shouting as i try to wipe my face roughly because i was starting to cry when i was trying my hardest not to cry

Sirius was silent but i wasnt looking at him i was looking at the wall hoping it would just open so i could get out. What i didnt want was Sirius to pull me into a tight hug. 

"No! Stop-" i tried to get him off me but he just hugged me tighter and before i could even fight anymore i was crying and unable to fight anymore and ended up clinging to him

"Whatever you want to do is fine by me," Sirius says after a few moments, "Its your choice. If you want to end this then ill understand"

I go still for a moment. I had spent the first week trying to figure out qhat to do before i gave up and just tried to pretend non of it was going on. I havent got any lets from mum or dad, he must have told mum. I have been ignoring Lily, i know shes not happy about that. Ive also been avoiding Sirius. I dont want to lose Sirius but i dont want to lose my family. Then again i dont think Lily would abandon me so id still have her

"Can we go somewhere? I just want to cuddle......"

"Sure, come on"

I dont pay attention as Sirius leads me out of the hidden passway and down the hall. I know we went up a ton of stares but soon Sirius leads me into a room with a big bed in the middle of the room. We both get into bed anf i cuddle into him with my head on his chest and just listen to his heart beat

"Sirius?"

"Hm?"

"I saw your death along with James', Lily's, and Remus' but non of them were natural deaths. Would it be bad if i didnt stop someone's death if they die naturally?"

Hes quiet for a long moment before answering in a soft tone, "We cant cheat death forever. If it were mr id rather die naturally without knowing. I would want you to stop it"

I nod a little and wrap my arms around his waist. We didnt talk anymore, we just enough the silence and esch other's company