Winter Wonderland (Bucky Barnes x Male Reader)

19

Y/N PARKER's P.O.V.

A couple of weeks of gaining my strength back in that stupid bed, and I was finally able to heal myself up. You have no idea how godly uncomfortable that fucking hospital bed was. My strength is back, thankfully, but the nightmares are getting worse. I haven't been able to stay asleep the past couple of nights due to them. I have Bucky, my wonderful and lovely boyfriend to help me get through them. It helped the first few nights, but recently, my nightmares have been out of control. It's like, I'm stuck in HYDRA one night, or everyone I love dies the other. Just last night, I dreamt that I was the villain, and I ended up being the one that killed Bucky. I've been kind of distant from everyone lately, I haven't told anyone about my nightmares. Not, May, not Peter, not even Bucky. I can't bear how they'd feel about me telling them that I might be the cause of their deaths one day. I gotta get out of here to clear my head, but knowing me, and my list of nightmares, HYDRA could get me. So I'm stuck here, it's okay I guess, but I still need to face them sooner or later about it. I've just, never been good with confrontation, or in serious talk at all. That's why I never go to any of the mission recaps, or when I do, I make someone else do all the talking. I'm more of an introvert, whereas Peter is the extrovert. We're literally polar opposites.

Right now I'm in the kitchen, making some dinner for everyone. It's nothing special, just some baked macaroni and cheese. I had to basically quadruple the recipe in order to feed everyone. I'm just thankful that Stark has all of these baking pans in this place, I'd be little upset if he didn't. I've just put the five pans in the oven, and started them for about an hour a half time. Yup, five pans for all these people. One pan has buffalo chicken macaroni, another has barbecue pulled pork macaroni, another is vegan and gluten free, and the other two are just regular. I set the timer on my phone and triple check that I actually turned on the ovens; I sure did, 'cause I just burnt my hand.

"Shit!" I whisper shout. I close the oven doors and head over to the sink and turn on the cold water and stick my hand underneath it. I sigh heavily and roll my eyes. "Dammit, Y/N." I mutter to myself.

"Talking to yourself again?" A voice says, scaring me.

"God! Shit! Don't do that!" I shout. I turn and see Steve leaning against the wall, giggling. "Ha ha ha!" I mock his laughter.

"How you holding up?" Steve asks. He slowly walks towards me, and leans against the counter top next to the sink. I sigh heavily and shake my head. "So, you'll talk to yourself, but not us. Good to know." Steve says sarcastically.

"Enough, smart ass. Leave the sarcasm to Stark. I can only handle one smart ass at a time." I say in a passive aggressive way. "I'm not not talking. But, I'm not talking. I-I can't deal with what happened, or what's going to happen."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean." I exhale through nose and turn off the tap water. I grab a towel from the counter and lean against it next to Steve. " I can't forgive myself to killing them. I lost all self control, and I became someone else." I pinch the bridge of my nose and run my hand down my face. "I wasn't myself. At all, Stevie. And, if it happens again, I'm scared I'm gonna kill someone that's really close to me. Like you, or Bucky, or May, or even Peter. I can't let that happen." Steve wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. I reciprocate the hug, and softly sob into his chest.

"Stevie? What's wrong with bub?" Bucky asks, making his presence known.

"I dunno. He just started crying." Steve says.

"Bub?" Bucky says to me. I shake my head into Steve chest. "Bub, come here." I slowly let go of Steve and mosey on over to my boyfriend. He opens his arms and I wrap mine around his torso, holding him tightly and sobbing into his chest. "It's okay, I'm here." Bucky says quietly. He rubs my back gently with one his real hand, while his metal hand his holding onto my waist tightly.