Growing pains ( Sequel to Life changes )

☆23☆

☆Beca's point of view☆

It has been a few weeks since Chloe came and brought me home from the office after I distanced myself from the miscarriage. It has been a struggle to reconnect with Ryan and Chloe because I still feel like I failed them. Chloe keeps trying to reassure me that is not the case but I can't help how I feel. I had one thing to do to ensure Chloe's happiness and I failed her. I lost the baby and it put me in a really dark place emotionally and my music has definitely gone in that direction. It's not that it helps me feel better but at least it is an outlet where I can get out some of the emotions I'm feeling. Ryan has been treading lightly around me because he thinks I'm mad at him or upset with him and he doesn't want to upset me more. I never wanted him to feel that way or that he had to be afraid to approach me. That is the last thing I ever wanted to do to him, especially after I walked away from him last year. I never wanted him to feel that way again. But now I'm the one who is making him feel like this again and it kills me inside but I don't know how to change it.

I'm back in the office but I have been trying to shorten my hours to spend more time at home to make up for the time I was away. For once I had my door open because they were afraid I was going to lock myself up in the office again and do something irrational. Sutton walks into my office with a big smile on her face that makes me uncomfortable. I look up from my laptop and put my headphones around my neck.

,,To what do I owe the pleasure of you coming to my office."

,,Good morning to you too Beca. I have an exciting proposition for you."

,,And what might that be?" I say with a raised eyebrow.

,,With the success of your last tour we wanted to send you out on another limited release tour by yourself. I know you have been working on new material so we want to send you out and have you share it." Sutton says with a smile.

,,How long are you planning to send me on a tour for?"

,,It will only be for three months and the venues will be smaller so it is more intimate which seems to go along with the theme of your songs."

,,Can I think about it? I mean I'm trying to cut back on my hours and make up for the time that I spent away from Chloe and Ryan?"

,,Sure, but I will need a decision by the end of the week so I can contact the venues and have it all prepared for you." I nod and then get back to my work thinking about what I'm going to do. On the one hand it gives me another way to escape from Chloe and Ryan for another period of time, but on the other it would take me away again and seclude me from them even more. I just don't know what to do.

After Sutton leaves my office I close the door and walk over to the mirror in the corner and stand sideways. I'm brought back to the memories of the first tour where I had Chloe and Ryan with me and I had our little miracle growing inside me during the tour and then I just broke down crying. I don't know if I can go through the tour again because I was happy with the original tour and then when we got back that's when everything fell apart. But again it gives me the opportunity to share my music, maybe sharing it will help me feel better. It only took me five minutes to decide but I want to go on this tour as a way to try and help my healing, but really it's just me doing what I'm good at and running away from my problems. I quickly walk back to my desk and send Sutton an Email letting her know I am in for the tour and that if possible we could start as soon as possible. Almost instantly I receive an Email from Sutton. I will get right on it and with hope we can get you out within two weeks.

Now I have a new plan and a way to focus my energy. I just have to come up with the set list. Since Sutton told me it was going to be a limited series concert I knew just which songs to pick. These songs are definitely a different direction from my first album and show a darker side to me so hopefully my fans will still be able to connect to the songs and like it. The next thing I had to do is figure out how I'm going to tell Chloe about the tour. I have a feeling she isn't going to take the news well and will be upset about me leaving again. After about fifteen minutes working I decide to head home to have this talk with Chloe sooner rather than later.

☆Chloe's point of view☆

I'm at home cleaning the apartment when I hear the door open, I check the clock, surprised that Beca is home so early. I know she has been trying to spend more time at home since she came back home after staying at the office from the miscarriage. It hurts my heart to see her still so broken but I know she's trying, I just wish there was something more I could do for her. She still blames herself for the miscarriage but I don't blame her at all for it, it wasn't her fault and I think she is finally making her way to believing that. After I hear her put her keys down and she makes her way into the living room and sits on the couch. I make my way over to her and give her a kiss on the cheek.

,,What are you doing home so early babe?"

,,Would you rather I go back to work and hide away again?" Beca says looking down at her hands.

,,Never. If I could keep you with me all the time I would, but we both know that's not possible. So, please talk to me. What's up?" I ask her while putting my hand under her chin and making her look at me. She lets out a sigh.

,,Sutton wants me to go on another tour by myself to share my new music."

,,How long is this tour supposed to be?"

,,She said only three months and its small venues too so it shouldn't be as crazy as the first one." She says hesitantly, trying to talk me into it.

,,Is it something you want to do?" I know how important Beca's music is to her and I will never stand in between her passions.

,,I think it might help me to put out this new music."

,,Will the concerts be streamed so your other fans that can't make it to the smaller venues can still enjoy the concert?"

,,I can talk to Sutton about it, I think that's a great idea."

,,Well then I won't stop you from the tour just know that Ryan and I are really going to miss you, especially since we just got you back." I say sadly, trying to keep my tears at bay. I get up from the couch and go back to my cleaning and let Beca take in what I told her. Mainly I get away from her so I can cry in private without making her feel guilty for wanting to leave again. I can't help how I feel; it's like when she first shut herself away all over again except this time she is giving me a warning about it, as if that makes it all okay. I'm brought out of my thoughts when I feel her arms wrap around my waist and hold me close.

,,I'm not trying to hurt you, Chlo. Please, don't be upset with me." I turn around in her embrace.

,,I'm not mad, I'm just going to miss you that's all. But as long as I can watch from a live stream, I will find some way to make it through the three months without you."

,,I already messaged Sutton about that as soon as you suggested it and she already approved it. She said it was a great suggestion on your part and another way to make more money for myself and the company."

,,Well then I will make sure to watch each one. Do you have any idea when you will be leaving on this tour?"

,,In two weeks." She says sheepishly.

,,Okay, then we will make the most of our time until then, plus you're going to have to tell Ryan that you're leaving again." She nods and just pulls me close for a hug and I can tell she's trying to convey her love and that she isn't trying to hurt me. I'm going to miss her like crazy but as long as I can see her perform I will be okay.