Starlights ||Schlattbur||

31: Lights Out (Thursday Part 4)

Warnings: referenced suicide attempt, yelling(?), Suicidal thoughts,
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Wilbur learned that his sudden impulsiveness and reckless behavior on the bridge was called "The Call of the Void."

...

He drove quietly into the driveway at 4:59 P.M., and the car slowly came to a stop beside Phils. Wilbur's tired mind was somewhat foggy with dread as he was still on edge about what he'd done (or- almost did) barely an hour ago. When Wilbur put the car into park and took the keys out of the ignition, he let his head fall, his mop of hair draping over the warm steering wheel.

His head lay dead center of the wheel, but thankfully there wasn't enough pressure from his head to sound the car horn.

Wilbur inhaled deeply, taking a breath of the cooling air, and with an exhale, he began to cry.

He was so fucking stressed and scared, but there was no way he'd ever dare admit to anyone what happened at the bridge. Not to Phil, not to Tommy or Techno, not to Schlatt, not to anyone. Who knows what they would say? Phil would freak the fuck out, and rightfully so. Tommy shouldn't ever have to burden that, and neither should Techno. Both of them would react horribly. Schlatt might hate him. He would probably make fun of Wilbur for being an idiot.

Wilbur grabbed a tissue from the glove compartment and wiped the underside of his nose with it, removing the sloppy mucus that was draining from his nose due to his crying.

When was the last time Wilbur had gone a day without crying? It seems like he's cried a lot over the past few weeks and it was starting to concern him.

When did he become so weak?

When did it get so hard for Wilbur to control his emotions?

The brunette didn't know the answer. All he knew was that his mental health was deteriorating and that he probably should get help.

Would anyone listen?

Of course, they would. That's the problem.

While there was the issue of everyone freaking the fuck out, they'd also try and help him. Phil would listen and then try to talk to him about it, accidentally pushing the conversation too far and Wilbur would feel humiliated. He wouldn't dare try and talk to Tommy about his emotional state, especially if the bridge fiasco was in question. Techno would care but would seem apathetic about it unless Wilbur mentioned something super extreme, and Wilbur didn't want to put the burden on his family.

Wilbur slammed his fist on the dashboard, simultaneously rolling his head onto the driver's window.

Wilbur felt like shit for another reason too, he didn't visit Dream in the hospital, which was honestly so selfish of him, and he didn't go and see Schlatt as he planned either. Hell, he hadn't even messaged him about it. Schlatt probably wondered where he was. He did say that he'd probably swing by the older's place after school.

Wilbur decided after a few moments of thinking that he'd message Schlatt.

There were no notifications on his phone at all. No one had tried to message him, not even Schlatt who he'd made plans with, not Phil either, who he had never told he was gonna be out extra. Not even one from Jared. (Not that he particularly wanted one from him.)

Wilbur felt slightly betrayed that he hadn't even had one. Seriously, not even a YouTube notification! The world had just been silent when it pertained to him for the past hour, hadn't it?

Wilbur sighed at the lack of messages. Obviously, the world doesn't revolve around him and he knew that. But it still stung his chest.

Wilbur sent Schlatt a message, telling him that he had just gone home after school and was feeling a bit ill. The second half wasn't a lie, Wilbur had kept the window down during the car ride back because the cool air was the only thing keeping him from throwing up.