Doing The Dance (Jackson Avery Fanfic)

thirteen

2014

It was finally time for my first night on call to make up for my chemo treatments. I'd had the chemo on Friday and it was now Sunday, and truth be told I wasn't feeling much better. Jackson was also on call as an attending, so that would be interesting seeing as we'd had that night in the ER, his awkward apology, and then the revelation from Arizona that he had been the one to fight for me to even be here. Then nothing for the last two weeks other than assisting him in the ER when April hadn't been around. But nothing was better than being made to handle things out of spite.

Deep down I knew Arizona was right, Jackson wasn't spiteful, not at all. It wasn't in his nature. And the more I learned about his history with April, the more I understood. Well not understood, but at least I had more of an idea as to why he was acting this way.

I stifled a yawn as I made my way to the entrance of the ER, where Jackson stood waiting.

"So you're on call for the next two nights?" Jackson asked. I nodded. To be honest, I wasn't feeling all that hot after my chemo treatment. Sure I'd had the Saturday to recoup but like I said to Luke, sometimes it just took it right out of me. Jackson was eyeing me up.

"What?"

"Nothing, are you sure you're okay to be here?" There it was.

"Even if I wasn't, I still have to be here"

"Some other resident can be on-call Tay"

"Don't call me Tay. And no, they can't" Jackson folded his arms.

"Why not?" I sighed.

"Because I'm already at the bottom of the food chain? If I start not being able to work because of cancer, I'll never live it down. I need to show up and prove I deserve to be here"

"No one's doubting you deserve to be here Dawson" I half-smiled. Dawson was better than Tay, infinitely better. But my smile soon dropped when I really heard the words attached to it.

"Everyone already has though Avery." He shrugged.

"And? You're still here and fighting. Performing solo surgeries and proving everyone wrong" I shrugged.

"Yeah, but at what cost?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, look at what Alex Karev did to me. In front of everyone no less. That kind of thing is easy enough to shake off on the outside but you have no idea what that does to a person's psyche. So I might be proving everyone wrong and all that here, but deep down? I'm not doing so hot, no. But I can't leave. I can't give up" Jackson's face seemed to be lost in thought as he pondered my words carefully. But eventually, he nodded once.

"It's going to be a quiet night and I'm okay here for now. How about you go get some sleep and I'll page you when I need you?" He suggested.

"Jackson I'm not here to be coddled"

"No coddling, just observation. Unless you want to stick around?" I shook my head.

"I guess a full day of work after chemo did kinda tire me out. Thanks, Avery" He nodded once.

"Answer your pages and we shouldn't have an issue" I chuckled.

"Yes sir" I made my way to an empty on-call room and lay down. It felt as though the second I closed my eyes, my pager was going off, even though my watch said it was 1:42 am. It was Jackson and he was paging 911 to the ER. I leaped out of the bed, replied as I hastily straightened my scrubs and made my way to the ER entrance where Jackson was gowned and ready. I pulled my own gown on and tied it as I walked up to him.