Doing The Dance (Jackson Avery Fanfic)

fifty-one

So sorry for the lack of updates. I had to work a lot and then got sick, so I'm off for the next week on holiday and recovering. This book is nearing its end, but I'll be sure to let you know when that happens.

Thank you for all the continued support!

2017

I'd never had brain surgery before.

Somehow with all my confusing medical history and the sheer number of other surgeries I'd had, my brain was never one of them. So, leading into this surgery a few days after I was discharged for my reaction, I was getting nervous.

"Would you stop stressing out?" Jackson said the night before, while I meticulously refolded all of our towels, and organized them by size and color.

"I'm sorry! I just need to take my mind off it."

"You're about to be home for a month recovering" I shot him a look and he backed away from me, hands up in defeat. "Sorry, not what you want to hear right now"

"God, why am I so freaking nervous? Derek literally does this for a job!"

"Hey, it's okay. You're going to be fine. A two-month recovery is not the worst thing in the world, not when you consider the long life you're gonna live as a surgeon" I sighed as Jackson patted the couch next to him. I sat and leaned into his side, his arm going around my shoulder. "And, like I promised, I'm gonna be here with you. As often as I can"

"Why is this the thing I'm most scared of?"

"Because you're terrified of losing" I laughed.

"Jackson, I've faced death so many freaking times"

"Not your life, losing you. There's a reason doctors make the worst patients. It's because we know more than everyone else. We know how critical tumor removal can be, and how perfect it has to go to have no deficits. Death right now isn't your fear, it's everything going okay but you lose your speech ability, or motor skills, or your eyesight. But Shepherd is the best there is, and you need to trust him" I nodded.

"I do need to finish these towels now, or else you're just going to put them away wrong" Jackson laughed and pushed me off him.

"Fine, as long as you promise me that tonight I'm getting laid before I have to go without it for weeks" I rolled my eyes, returning to the pile of towels.

"I'm having brain surgery, and you're worrying about not getting laid for a few weeks?" Jackson shrugged.

"What can I say? I'm a man, I have needs"

"The neediest damn man I've ever met"

"Who also happens to be the love of your life" I ignored him and picked up the pile of towels, placing them back into the hall closet in an order that felt pleasing to me. I smiled as I closed the door, heading back out to the living room. Jackson was still sitting on the couch, holding a bottle of beer, and staring off into space.

"You okay?" He looked up at me and nodded with a forced smile. "No, you're not"

"Okay, I guess not. Why am I so nervous for you?" I smiled and sat next to him, pulling his hands into mine.

"Because you're scared of the same thing I am. You're scared of losing me."

"Terrified"

"Jackson, we're gonna make it through this. And if a part of me is lost, then you're gonna help me get it back or help me love life without it"

"Tay, if you lose your sight, or develop a tremor, then you can't be a surgeon. You survived thirteen years of cancer to get to where you are" I nodded.