Doing The Dance (Jackson Avery Fanfic)

fifty-seven

2018

I sat in the attending's lounge and sighed, resting my head back on the couch.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Jackson's voice came. I smiled tiredly.

"I'm okay, just tired"

"Then let's head home, order some Chinese, and just relax" I shook my head.

"I'm going to the cemetery. This is just the first chance I've really had to sit and unwind from the day. Come, sit next to me. It's also the first chance I've gotten to see you" Jackson smiled softly and sat next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Two years ago, I nearly walked out on this hospital for good"

"I remember. I helped you vomit into a trash can and yelled at Jo to bring you an oxygen tank"

"You got me back here. We weren't even dating, and your ex-wife was trying to fight 'til the death for full custody over your daughter. My fiancé was dead. And you showed me the compassion and care I needed to realize being here was what I wanted" Jackson smiled and pressed a kiss to my forehead, me moving my head to rest on his chest.

"And I've never regretted it, not even for a second"

"I love you, Jackson"

"I love you too, Tay. Come on, get changed and head to the cemetery. I'll drive you if you want" I shook my head.

"You don't have to do that for me"

"I want to. You're tired, and the emotion of today is bound to hit you. It would make me feel better and safer if you weren't driving when and if it hits before you're home"

"Well, then I'll take you up on the offer. I need to stop at a florist somewhere on the way"

"Get changed, Dawson. I'll wait for you here" He said. I chuckled and stood to my feet, quickly changing out of my scrubs, and grabbing my purse. "Ready?" Jackson asked and I adjusted my hair in the mirror after pulling it out of the elastic. I nodded.

"I'm ready" Jackson stood and took my hand in his. "Are you sure? You don't have to do this, Jackson"

"Oh, shut up and let me do something nice for my fiancée"

The drive to the cemetery was silent but comfortable. I think Jackson realized that I was actually doing okay and wasn't about to freak out and burst into tears randomly. And I was simply reflecting on what the two years with Luke before he died were, and what the last two years have been.

When Jackson pulled up, I just sat for a moment.

"You need me to come with you?" He asked in a soft voice. I shook my head.

"No, I'm just sitting for a moment" Jackson nodded and that was the end of the conversation. He reached over and grabbed my hand, giving it a quick squeeze before letting go. I found the strength to climb out of the car, making my way to the familiar plot of land and the familiar chunk of stone I had been coming to visit for two years now.

And all I could think of while I sat at Luke's grave was how lucky I was to have Jackson. The man knew that this point of my life was the one he couldn't push, tease, or control. And he was so accepting of it all. I knew he and Luke hadn't seen eye to eye, especially when Luke was backing Steph for what had happened between them. I took a deep breath.

"I miss you, idiot. A lot. Things are so different now and I can't decide if it's good different or bad. Jo and I are the only ones left. Steph went off to travel and Ben's a firefighter. We're both attendings now, her in general and me in trauma which I think you would have known. It's funny, this is the me I wanted you to meet. The healthy, not stricken with cancer Taylor. Not vomiting every six weeks from chemo, or crying because I have no hair, or having to navigate sex with that damn port in my arm" I chuckled at the memories, before taking another deep breath.