Doing The Dance (Jackson Avery Fanfic)

fifteen

2015

"Remind me why we keep doing this?" An out-of-breath Luke asked as he collapsed onto the couch in the resident's locker room.

The emergency that had come in at lunch had only just finished having patients seen and operated on, and it was nearing 7 pm. I'd assisted Callie Torres in surgery when I triaged and diagnosed a man with a femoral bleed alongside his broken leg. Luke had been in the OR with Teddy Altman, his hands inside a chest for four hours as they fixed up the damage done by a woman's own ribcage. Jo, Steph, and Ben had also been assisting with surgeries and had also collapsed down with us.

"Because this thrill is better than any high you could ever ride on drugs?" Steph answered Luke's question with her own question. Luke grinned at her and nodded.

"I mean, I've never done drugs but this feeling is pretty phenomenal" I sat next to him.

"You should try them sometime. They're fun"

"A doctor encouraging another doctor to take drugs, now I've seen it all" Luke joked. I shoved him playfully.

"You haven't seen anything yet Luke Gallagher, just you wait." He shrugged and rested his head back, yawning.

"Tired?" Steph guessed, taking the seat on the other side of the couch. Luke nodded, closing his eyes and resting his head on her shoulder, which made my stomach flip and feel queasy.

The thing was that shouldn't be happening. I knew the feeling and I knew it was jealousy. But Luke was my best friend, I shouldn't be jealous of him for resting his head on another person's shoulder.

My mind flashed back to the basement earlier today.

"You love me" Luke had said. He grabbed my face and looked deep into my eyes. His were the most fantastic shade of blue. Deep, like the ocean. Bottomless even. Unexplored and yearning for an adventure to be taken in them. Until today I had never really looked into his eyes, but now it was the only thing I wanted to look into.

God, what was I thinking? It was just Luke and all he did was rest his head on Steph's shoulder. I sound like I'm in high school all over again. I shook it off and rested my own head back on the couch.

"Well I'm beat, should we hit the road?" I asked Luke.

"Oh no, you guys can't go home. We were gonna head to Joe's and get a drink" Steph said. Luke looked at me.

"C'mon Dawson, let's go hang out with our friends" I smiled politely.

"You go ahead. I'm exhausted."

"You sure?" I nodded.

"I'll leave you some food in the microwave if I remember"

"Chinese?" I laughed.

"Probably, I can't be asked cooking." Luke grinned.

"You're the best"

"And don't you forget it" We all changed out of our scrubs and while the other residents made their way across the road to the bar, I got in my car and drove home alone.

As soon as I walked through the door, I damn near collapsed. I managed to fumble my way to the couch and fall onto it, my head between my hands as my breaths got shallow. I didn't know what the hell was happening, but I guessed it was a mixture of things.

I still had cancer. And I had to remember that I still had cancer while working in a fast-paced hospital environment. Not only was I probably pushing it too hard, but it was also winter and I had a compromised immune system so I was at high risk of picking up a cold and having it develop into pneumonia. My lungs wouldn't survive that, no way.