Doing The Dance (Jackson Avery Fanfic)

fifty-six

2018

"God, why do these things just disappear when you need them most?" I groaned one morning while trying to get ready. Jackson stood at the door to the bathroom and chuckled at me. I whipped my head around to glare at him.

"What? I think it's cute you're freaking out about hair elastics. For the first time in fourteen years"

"It is almost 90º outside today and I will sweat so bad if this hair isn't tied back"

"I saw some in the second drawer. I'll make us some coffee" Jackson said, walking out. I opened the drawer and found a plain black elastic, brushing and tying my hair back.

It was currently August, and I was officially an attending surgeon at Grey Sloan and officially able to grow my hair out for the first time in fourteen years. I'd always loved doing my hair pre-cancer. Braiding it back for dance practices, and wearing it out for events. It was long when I lost it and although I got part of the experience back with the wig I first started wearing as a doctor, I hadn't worn it in almost four years and have been rocking the edgy chemo cut since.

Once I had finished tying my hair back, I walked out into the kitchen and accepted a cup of coffee from Jackson.

"Thanks" I said, taking a sip.

"So, you can't handle the cold, but Seattle gets a decent summer and now it's too hot?" He teased. I rolled my eyes.

"This is the first summer I've dealt with having hair in a long time. I had no idea it was going to grow back as thick as it was before chemo. Or as quickly as it did" Jackson chuckled.

"How are you doing?" Jackson asked, all of a sudden turning the conversation serious. I cocked my head at him, wondering what would warrant such concern.

"I'm fine? How are you doing?"

"Tay"

"What am I supposed to say? I'm doing good. It's a beautiful day outside, I have hair, I have coffee. I have you. I'm an attending finally. Why am I supposed to be not okay?" Jackson sighed and pulled my hand into his.

"Because of what day it is today"

I knew what he was getting at. Today was Luke's two-year anniversary. I'd known for weeks today was approaching and had taken the time to go see Doctor Cavendish to make sure I was going to be okay. This time last year I had been so focused on the boards and the Catherine Fox gala that I had completely forgotten all about it. And then brain surgery happened and I remember distinctly one night while I was still recovering that I had completely missed it. I had felt so guilty that I burst into tears in the shower. Jackson had managed to figure out why I was like that, and I finally sat down and told him the difference in the nightmare after I woke up from brain surgery, letting him know everything Derek and I had spoken about, my true fears of him seeing me this way.

And Jackson was amazing. He's always been amazing to me since Luke died, but that night took the cake. He held me and let me cry, for as long as I needed to. Everything I was worried about was squashed and he even drove me across town to the cemetery where Luke was so I could be with him.

So, I understood where he was coming from right now. I took a deep breath.

"I'm okay, Jackson. Really, I am. I've had some sessions with my therapist leading into today and I'll be fine. I'm buying some flowers on my way home from work and going to the cemetery then to his parents' house to say hello and update them on work and everything." He nodded, making me smile and kiss his cheek. "But I appreciate your concern. It's touching. And hot" Jackson grinned.

"Hot, you say? Well, I always strive to be the best at that in your life" He started to kiss me more passionately before his phone went off. "God damn it, that hospital is going to be the death of our sex life" I chuckled.