Doing The Dance (Jackson Avery Fanfic)

thirty-one

2016

The day had finally come, the day I was expected to go back to work. I felt like all of my life since being in Seattle again had consisted of me being nervous while standing outside the doors to the hospital, but the feeling was back yet again and I wondered if Doctor Cavendish was wrong.

"Taylor?" A voice beside me said. I turned to find Steph standing there. I forced a smile.

"Hey Steph"

"Do you want me to walk in with you?" I nodded and she linked her arm through mine, leading the both of us through the doors and towards the resident lockers. I changed into some scrubs and put my white coat back on. My breaths were shaky, my hands even more so.

"Doctor Dawson, you're back!" Ben's voice came. I turned and tried to put a smile on but immediately they could all tell that it wasn't going to be an easy thing for me.

"I'm sorry, I really am excited to be back. I've missed this place. But it was never going to be a simple thing"

"We get it. And look, we're here for you okay? If you need anything, let us know" I smiled for real this time.

"Thanks guys. Webber's given me a get-out pass and I can leave if it gets too much. But I think I'll be fine once I'm back into it"

"Well Miranda's asked for you on her service today, and I know she'll be kind but firm" I sighed in relief. I knew it wouldn't be trauma, but I don't think I could have handled peds or neuro at a time like this. And being on Jackson's service would have only caused rumors as everyone knew I had stayed at his place last week. I'd gone home for the weekend and the apartment still felt weird but I knew Luke was there with me now.

"Thank god, I'd better go find her before I get sacked" I joked, making my way to the general surgery ward.

"There she is, welcome back Doctor Dawson" Bailey's voice came. I grinned and allowed her to hug me. "How are you?"

"I'm good Doctor Bailey, I'm ready to work"

"Good, well I want you with me today. We'll be taking care of my pre-op and post-op patients, nice and easy for you but you still get to be a doctor" I smiled gratefully.

"Thank you, Doctor Bailey. I hope it's not too long until I'm back at my proper capacity" She shook her head.

"I've seen doctors die here for years now Taylor, it takes a while to bounce back. Don't push or punish yourself, it won't help as much as you think it would."

"Thanks Doctor Bailey"

We started on rounds and working felt like riding a bike, I guess being away for a month didn't detriment me as much as I thought it might. I couldn't say the same for stepping back into an OR, but at least I could still be a doctor.

I sat with Jo and Steph at lunch, but neither of them could look at me or say anything, making me put my food down and roll my eyes.

"I'm not glass, you can say something to me without breaking me"

"Sorry Taylor, it's just weird being here without Luke" Jo said and I sighed.

"I feel that. We were supposed to be attendings together"

"I'm impressed you came back, to be honest Dawson" Steph added.

"I'm not a quitter"

"I didn't think you were. But only four weeks after something like that wouldn't be enough for me. You're amazing" I chuckled.

"Insane would be the word Luke would use"

"He'd be right. I was just trying to make it sound nice" We all laughed together. It felt good to laugh with these guys, made me believe that everything hadn't completely changed even though it definitely had. My pager beeped and I checked it, frowning.