By My Side - Sam/Aomaris Fanfiction

57) Freedom

Wednesday morning dawned sooner than I would've liked, bringing with it a chill along with horrible anticipation of what Sam and I had planned for the day. I sat up and stretched, somehow not disturbing Sam who was still peacefully asleep beside me. I hated waking him up; he was so adorable in my eyes that I could easily lie beside him for hours on end, studying every detail of his face and blissfully reliving all of the incredible, love-filled moments I'd shared with him. I'd watch as his eyes flitted back and forth under his eyelids, gently brush his hair out of the way if it ever fell in front of his face, listen to his soft, even breaths and let them calm me beyond belief. There'd been a few times over the years when I'd doubted my own love for him. Times when, in the deepest pits of my depression and anxiety, I'd question if I even knew what love was and if I was giving him enough of it. During those times, it had been heartbreaking to watch him sleep. I was so terrified that I was lying to myself and to him, that I was completely undeserving of the adoration he poured into every second he spent with me. But there was no denying that he had an effect on me like no other. The way a simple touch could bring me down from my anxiety, or that talking to him about everything and nothing could alleviate my fears and depression better than any therapy ever could. I fully believed in the idea that nobody is perfect, but when it came to Sam, it was extremely difficult to deny.

"Nix..." I was startled out of my thoughts.
"Oh, you're awake," I said. Sam didn't answer. I glanced at him to see his eyes still closed. "Never mind..." I thought. Sam shifted in his sleep, his mouth falling open slightly as he mumbled my name again. I couldn't help but smile at the fact he still thought of me in his sleep, but the smile was quickly wiped from my face and replaced with a furious blush as I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye and turned my head to see a tent rising slowly out of the blanket from the vicinity of his crotch. I froze, completely unsure of what to do. Was this a symptom of surviving without sexual energy? Or had this happened in the past and I'd just never noticed? I had no idea what he was dreaming about doing to me, but the sight of him quietly groaning my name with a rather obvious erection was turning me on more than I'd ever admit. I silently slipped out of my side of the bed, deciding to go and make some breakfast, as I'd need my energy for what was to come later in the day. It was twenty-past nine in the morning, so I set an alarm on his phone for half past and snuck out of the room as quietly as possible so I wouldn't disturb him.

I couldn't take my mind off him as I worked away on breakfast for the both of us. It was incredibly flattering to know that even in his sleep, he still thought of me in that way. It was easier for me to accept now, too. Thanks to my shapeshifting ability, I'd been able to cast a spell that changed permanently changed my natural form into one that I was comfortable with. I didn't change much, but I was finally able to get rid of my breasts, along with the loose body fat that had clung to me like a parasite since I was fourteen. I hadn't been overweight in years, but in my mid-teens, I ate far too much junk food as it was the only coping mechanism I had available for my depression. As a result, I'd had stretch marks everywhere and a lot of loose skin from my slightly older teens when I'd refused to eat pretty much anything. I'd dropped the weight faster than my body could comprehend so I was left looking overweight and flabby for years, and I despised it. Sam assured me constantly that he loved every inch of me, inside and out, but that didn't stop my self-doubt or make me forget all the years I'd spent being told that I was ugly and fat. I was still rounder than most girls I knew, but at least I could honestly say it was by choice. I liked having what Sam jokingly referred to as 'thunder thighs' and I could tolerate my face. The good thing was that even though the form change was permanent, I'd changed so little that I'd still age naturally.

It wasn't long before I heard Sam's heavy, tired footsteps on the stairs and him yawning widely. I quickly finished up the plate I'd set his breakfast on and entered the dining room just as he did the same. He gazed at me through bleary eyes and yawned again.
"Mornin', Doofus."
"Morning, Sam." I pressed a kiss to his cheek and held out the plate to him. I'd decided to make one of Sam's favourite breakfasts: English pancakes with Nutella, strawberries and whipped cream. He eyed the plate for a moment, immediately noticing the heart I'd drawn in whipped cream on the top, before taking it from my hands and sitting down at the table.
"I fucking love you, Nix." I smiled bashfully and went to grab my own plate out of the kitchen.