Eleven: Like

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I was startled awake in the dead of the night by a phone call

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I was startled awake in the dead of the night by a phone call. Instantly, I reached for my phone at the foot of my bed and my heart dropped.

I stared at the contact name, sliding off and back on my screen. I'd never imagined to get this call, let alone at two in the morning.

Since he left I'd never spoken to him on the phone, never have I had the courage to call him either. The number had been saved onto my phone just for the sake of it, not because I never intended to use it, but just because having it there made me feel normal, like a normal kid having their father's phone number.

But this call had come in too late. More than ten years late. It brought back the anger I'd forgotten. The anger that had been masked with the fear of his sickness. It resurfaced and knowing I'd say words I'd probably regret to him if I answered it, I turned off my phone and tossed it into my reading desk.

Later at school, I couldn't stop thinking about my dad, his call and my reaction. Wondering what he'd wanted to say to me at two in the morning and if it'd been something I'd wanted to hear.

Twice I started to dial his number, but twice I ended it before it rang. I couldn't do it. I wasn't strong enough to it. So, I gave up.

I didn't tell my mum about it either. It seemed like we were struggling through the news in our own different way. I wasn't even sure how she was coping, I was barely making it through each day.

It made me feel guilty, like I'd shut her out, like I hadn't been doing what I was supposed to be doing which was taking care of her. It's been me and her all these years. Just us against the world and now, it was me struggling with self harm and then there was her struggling with... I didn't even know.

A familiar BMW was waiting outside the gate after school had ended. I was heading out towards the bus when I spotted it, my insides turning fuzzy.

I stood by the gate staring, not believing my eyes because there was no way, but the driver side opened and Jungkook walked out, in all of his breathtaking glory.

For a moment I was stunned, just in awe of his looks, his everything that just commanded all eyes to fall on him. Students mumbled and whispered and blushed at his sight but he just looked at me, an apologetic look masking his handsome face.

I didn't want to go over to him, despite how fast my heart was beating, despite how much I'd missed him, I was too angry at him for leaving me. I started to walk away but he mouthed something I didn't quite get.

My brows pinched in confusion and he mouthed it again, this time the wind carried his gentle voice and deposited it in my ears. "Please." It took a minute before I was able to push aside my anger and go over to him.

I didn't enter the car, I stopped by the hood and just stared down at the shiny paintwork of the car. I felt him approach me, smelling his intoxicating scent even before he got to me. His closeness sent my heart accelerating, I swallowed. What was he doing to me?

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