"He was fire, I was Ice. We were too different, yet we were just the same."
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Everything bad was happening to Jin all at once that he was certain he'd burned down a nation in his previous life. His world was freefalling and he just needed an escape...
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Mum didn't stop holding onto me throughout the ride back home. She'd had to plead with Aunt Soohyun to sit in front with the cab driver just so I would sit behind with her. Her head rested on my shoulder and her arms wrapped around my right arm.
For a long time I didn't know if she was asleep or just resting, but I said nothing. The evening news played in a low volume from the radio, but besides that the journey home was peaceful.
She finally let go of me in front of her door but not before hugging me tight and telling she loved me. I knew she was hurting and afraid. Hurting for losing the love of her life who'd abandoned her and afraid of losing me.
Dad's letter said he'd fallen out of love with her. But the case had obviously been different for her. She still loved him, even now. I felt so much empathy towards her. I hugged her back, I said, "I'm not going anywhere, Mum. I promise. I love you," in a hushed voice, before letting her slip into her room.
Aunt Soohyun said she was going to prepare something for us to eat. It was past 6 in the evening and none of us had eaten a single, but even as my godmother bounded the stairs to the kitchen, I knew her effort was just going to be in vain.
In my room, I shut the door and sat on my bed, with my head hanging low. I wasn't sure how long I stayed there, but I was emotionally and physically exhausted. After a while, I lay back on the bed, with my legs hanging over the edge and my hands intertwined over my stomach.
I though back to the moments I had with Junho. He was such a bubbly kid and honestly, I wished I'd met him earlier. I never imagined ever being close to my dad's other family, but seeing him today and I'd developed a certain fondness and protectiveness for him like an older brother should have for his younger brother, step-siblings or not.
To be honest, the letter had brought closure. It had taken away so much of the pain and confusion that had plagued all through the night. And if not for anything, I was grateful to my dad for doing it. For writing the letter and making sure I got it.
Because it made me understand, to an extent. It made me not hate him anymore. And, to my greatest realization, it made me forgive him. Truly, deeply, forgive him, and prayed for a peaceful rest for him.
Although, it was still surreal for me, the whole thing. I couldn't believe I went to say goodbye to my father today. Well, technically, not goodbye-goodbye. His body was going to be cremated
Mum had wanted him to be buried because he'd been a Christian when they had been married and Christians were meant to be buried so as to resurrect on the last day with Christ. But his new wife wanted him to be cremated just so they could have his ashes with them. She said she needed it for closure or she was going to lose it.
I completely understood, so when my opinion was asked as his first son, I said they could go ahead and cremate him. I think a part of me felt the same as his wife's, like burying him was saying goodbye to him forever but cremating him and having his remains put in an urn, made it seem like he was still there. I wasn't sure if it made sense but in that moment, I let my selfish emotions overcome it.
