My little Judith

Seventeen

Judith POV

Three years, eleven months and two days I haven't seen Alec. Not face to face anyway. We message every day, without fail, we call we FaceTime. The last time I saw him was on my fifteenth birthday when he came from Marco's pack to spend a couple days seeing everyone. He slept at my house, of course when my mum and dad were asleep I went in and snuggled up to his side.

The only difference from when I was younger he didn't tell me to stay on my side, his arms wrapped around me pulling me to his chest. I didn't complain though, I liked being in his arms, I liked the small kisses he'd place on my head and forehead before I fell into the best sleep I had, had in months. It was also the second hug I had in months, the first was when he got out of his car and I threw myself at him.

When he left a couple days later it hurt all over again. For weeks after I begged him to come home. Every time I ended up crying while he was on the phone, my mum or dad hugging me while Alec told me he was sorry and that he loves me. Even though he wasn't there he would always comfort me the best he could.

When he left again we gave each other the same promise. We would wait until we next saw each other again to hug so we could enjoy it more instead of hugging people and it feel like a normal hug. So if we waited, it would be more meaningful. Technically I haven't hugged anyone in almost three years, only when my parents held me while I cried about Alec being gone.

However technically it is a lie as well. Guilt eats away at me for breaking my promise because I know Alec has kept his. I ask him everyday, he always replies with the same thing, "My hugs are for you, and you alone little one. I stand by my promise and I hope you do to." Of course I lie, I don't want to see the disappointment on his face, it hurts enough that I don't have him here, I don't want to add anger or disappointment to him.

How this is, you may ask. Well last year someone in school asked me out. We went on a date, it was amazing, he made me laugh, he made me smile and I felt good. We went on three dates before he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He makes me feel good in myself, only one person makes me feel amazing about myself and even for a fraction of feeling amazing I took it. Because I'd rather feel good than like shit without Alec here.

I broke my promise when he hugged me for the first time when I agreed to go on our first date. My heart shattered when I felt his arms around me, but I still went ahead and wrapped my arms around him as well and enjoy it. But I didn't enjoy it, he was the first person I hugged in a long time outside of my parents. Every day since we made it official, every time we hug I think of Alec and guilt eats away at me.

However that's all we do. We hug. We haven't had a first kiss, we haven't had sex and we don't do anything than hug, hold hands and kiss each others cheeks, or he kisses my forehead. I told him that I want to wait, to make sure he's my mate before we do anything like that. I want all my firsts to be with the one I'm destined to spend the rest of my life with. He agreed because he wants the same as well.

We have such a great connection, I can feel that. I would be grateful to have him as my mate, he's an amazing guy but I don't know. He's great, he makes me feel good but I want someone who makes me feel amazing, someone who makes me feel more than good but I know that's not possible.

"Are you okay?" Adam whispered sleepily. His arm draped over my stomach as I laid on my back, him on his side. Mum and dad let Adam stay over because they know what we want so they know I wouldn't entertain the idea of us having sex, so they agree.

"Yeah, just can't sleep." I reply. It's true, I can never fully sleep anymore. The last time I got more than five hours of sleep was the night before my fifteenth birthday and that was because Alec had me wrapped against his chest, his warmth and scent lulling me into a blissful sleep.