The Decuplets

Gabe Opens Up

Scarlett

After I wallowed in my disbelief about Ella and Zach, Brandon approached me and asked, "Hey, Scar, have you seen Gabe? We want to get some beer pong going, and everyone knows he's the champion."

I shook my head. Looking around the crowd surrounding the pool, I realized he must be inside. "He's probably cooling off inside, let me go grab him."

I squeezed past everyone and slid the door open, feeling the AC wash over me as I did. The kitchen and living room were empty. I trailed up the stairs and moved to knock on the door when I heard muffled sniffs. Gabe wasn't really the emotional type, in fact, none of my brothers were. Between all of them, perhaps Brandon is the least emotional as he is very strictly business and order. Being the most mature, he is the closest that we have to parents in a sad way. Though Gabe was no Brandon, I had never heard him express any sort of grief, even after everything the 10 of us have been through.

And there's been a lot.

I knocked lightly on the door. "Hey Gabe? Everything alright?" I heard no answer, but he continued his quiet cries, so I entered anyways against my better judgement. As someone who has my own struggles (anxiety, depression, you name it), I know what it is like to feel alone even in such a large family and to feel misunderstood by everyone.

I think most my brothers suffer from similar mental illnesses as myself, but they don't often talk about them. They know about mine, but I think they see it as weak for anyone but me to speak about. It's a weird concept.

I walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. "Gabe, you can talk to me, what's wrong? Did something happen at the pool party?"

"If you're having fun, I don't want to burden you. Just have fun, please."

I took a deep breath.

"I don't think you are a burden, Gabe. It doesn't matter how much fun as I am having, knowing that you are sad and alone will make me feel terrible."

Gabe rubbed his puffy eyes. "Honestly, Scar, I think our family sucks at communication. We've been through so much together, but has it really brought us together? We never talk about our parents even though we know all of us are still dealing with their absence."

He was right, but I had hardly considered how that affected my siblings in their day to day life. I still cry over them often. As much fun as we have unsupervised, I always wish we had a little more guidance and help in life.

My parents had us raised by babysitters, occasionally coming home to tell us of their adventures that kept them from being real parents. We became closer to these babysitters than them by far, and it was these guardians that taught us how to function like normal human beings. I was so young I hardly remember the final time my parents visited when we were 13. They told us we were old enough to be on our own and that they would stop paying for babysitters. At the time, we thought it meant they would come home more frequently, and it sounded fun to be completely independent of adults as teenagers. But we were wrong: my parents haven't been home since. They send occasional postcards; they look like they're having fun. They've left us with practically unlimited money that pours in as my parents explore the world. It seems like a life that no one could complain about, being so rich and all, but I do envy those who live a simple life with their parents.

I put my hand on his. "It's sad, but I agree. I wish we were more open about our inner battles. It's be nice to not feel awkward or weak talking about it. Do you know what made you feel this way today? Did someone say something?"

"I don't know. I was having fun until I went inside to use the bathroom when I realized the house was empty. Empty not in the way that it had no people, but empty in that we hardly feel like a family. Sometimes we just feel like a bunch of friends that live together in this big house that never feels like home."

I had no idea that Gabe felt that way. Of course I saw us as a family, but I could see his point of view. Our brothers are his best friends, but they don't offer any emotional support.

"We should make more time to do family only things, like family dinners or game nights." I saw Gabe begin to smile. "We've been through tough things, but we should be stronger and closer because of that."

"I'm glad you agree," Gabe said. "I feel like I have been alone for so long, but it feels nice to relate to someone and to look for solutions."

I engulfed him in a hug, resting my head on his shoulder.

"We can talk about it later with the rest of our brothers, but for now, how about some beer pong?" I offered. His small smile became a full grin.

"That sounds perfect right now."