Moonage Daydream [Stand-alone vers]

Sunset Walk

         Friday evening, Sirius picked at the grass of the quidditch field mindlessly as the setting sun cast a golden hue over the stands. Remus had swung by Flitwick's classroom to check in about the quiz coming up and Peter had mentioned something about a gobstones competition so Sirius had decided to follow James to his pre-season practice. He watched the boy weave through the air, dipping and diving on his broomstick. Sirius sighed, grabbing a small rock and letting his thumb brush the surface as he stood up.
"James!" He yelled out. The boy paused mid-air, tilting his head as he looked down. Sirius lifted his fist and waved it before tossing the rock up. James wasted no time, letting instinct take control as he sped towards the now plummeting rock. His hand reached forward and he snatched it out of the air, pulling his broom handle with the other hand to balance himself. Sirius smiled at him as he hopped off and tossed the rock over his shoulder. "Nice catch."
"That's what they keep me around for, huh?" He murmured with a nudge to Sirius's side. James bit his lip. "Mm— I've had enough practice. Care for a little walk?" Sirius shrugged his shoulders. He stole a glance up at the castle's towers.
"Yeah, why not."
They swung by the changing rooms, James dropping off his broom and his goggles before they headed for the castle's perimeter. The golden glow had begun to fade slightly, sky bursting out into more pinks and purples.
"The grounds are so pretty at sunset don't you think?" James murmured, hands moving to the pockets of his worn jeans. "The colors all hit the lake just right." Sirius looked at the waves crested with pink. He smiled to himself, letting his head fall down.
"Yeah, tonight's a nice night for it." He tucked a long dark hair behind his ear with clumsy fingers. There was a pause and Sirius looked up as he noticed James slow his pace. The boy was looking at him through glasses shining with the last bits of sunlight.
"What're you looking at?" James seemed surprised by the question, shoulder's tensing. He cleared his throat.
"Dunno– You've just been sorta quiet tonight–" Sirius's hair fell across his face as he tilted his head to the side.
"Ah– Have I? I didn't realize." James shrugged, picking the pace back up.
"A bit, yeah– But that's alright. I don't mind talking for two, you know that." He smiled then and Sirius laughed, buffeting him with his shoulder. He let his fingers trail against the weathered stone of the castle walls.
"I expect you could talk for twelve if you needed to–" He teased and James snorted. He pushed his glasses up his nose.
"I'm finding it insulting that twelve is the best you think I can do, Black.." Sirius hummed contentedly, a grin visible on his lips. After a moment James leaned closer and Sirius tilted a glance upwards. James bit his lip, looking down.
        "Have you thought about what I said on the train?" Sirius raised an eyebrow.
         "I file most of what you say under unimportant really.." He laughed as he felt James elbow him in the ribs. "Mm– No, really though– Which thing?"
          "About Marlene." There was a thoughtful pause, Sirius's knuckles bouncing against a protruding stone. James cleared his throat. "I dunno.. I was just thinking she might be a good fit for you. You get along and she's sorta– Rough– In the same way you are–" Sirius snorted, shoulders shaking slightly with laughter.
         "Rough–?" James shoved him.
         "Oh whatever you know what I mean.." Sirius sighed, licking his lips.
         "Yeah I do.." He could feel a tightness in his chest at just the thought of going out with Marlene— And not in the way you'd really hope for when thinking about a girl... It was actually making him feel a bit sick if he was totally honest. He swallowed.
    "You think she'd be into me?"
"Course! I mean who wouldn't like you, mate?" Sirius laughed.
"Plenty of people–"
"Ah, you know– I meant she'd be lucky to go out with you." Sirius nodded as his lips pursed in thought. His hand fell away from the castle wall, resting instead at his side.
"I'll think about it–"

_______________________

       Once the color had faded from the sky, leaving only the traces of red behind the mountains, they headed back inside the castle walls. They talked and laughed as they climbed back up to the Gryffindor common room, hoping they wouldn't run into Filch. Not that they were technically doing anything wrong, but it was better safe than sorry with him–
       When they clambered through the portrait hole, Sirius's eyes caught on Marlene as she sat with Dorcas by the fire. She must have felt him staring because she looked up, their gaze meeting and an odd smile appearing on her face. Sirius swallowed hard, raising a hand to wave. There was a moment where Sirius worried she might come over and say hi, but instead she looked back to Dorcas, laughing at something the dark haired girl had whispered.
Sirius screwed his eyes shut, walking rather quicker towards the stairs to the boys' dormitory. As he made his way up he felt a bit foggy.
        He thought about what James had said, wondering if maybe it was worth a shot– Not because he particularly wanted to go out with Marlene, but more so because it might take some of the pressure off. If he had a girlfriend he was sort of in the safe zone–
        He didn't really feel great about that though. He did really like Marlene.. The two of them had had some great times together throughout the years.
        He did like her– But not like that.
        It wasn't like she was some girl Sirius would have a one off date with and never see again.. He didn't love the idea of using her... And besides– It wasn't like anyone really gave him that hard of a time for his apparent lack of interest in dating. There was always talk of his night to night affairs– And the rumors were quite exaggerated really– But he preferred it that way. It kept him in a comfortable place halfway between mystery and public knowledge. That meant his real feelings were kept a bit safer which is all he could really hope for.
"Where were you two for so long? I thought you didn't like practicing after dark?" Peter's voice pulled Sirius out of his own head as James raised an eyebrow. Then he felt an arm drape around his neck, James leaning close.
"You know– the lake is a great make out spot–" James teased, making a kissy face. Sirius shoved him off, shaking his head and smiling weakly. He forced a laugh that was much quieter than the one shared between James and Peter as he stared at the ground.
"Just went for a little walk." He murmured, making for his trunk.
As he slipped into his pajamas, he caught Remus's eye. The boy sat, reading by candlelight, and as he met Sirius's gaze, he smiled warmly. All the uncertainty in Sirius's mind seemed to slip away for just a moment, a smile tugging at his own lips. He crawled into bed, leaning into the gap between his and Remus's four posters.
"Hey–" Remus thumbed the pages of his book absentmindedly, the reflection of the flame dancing in his brown eyes.
"Hi." His voice was gentle and low as he spoke, shifting under his blankets. Then he tilted his head, seeming to clock something still lingering in Sirius's expression.
"You alright?"
    Sirius shrugged, eyes glancing towards the stairs. He could hear the sounds of Marlene and Dorcas still talking down in the common room.
"Yeah, sort of–" Remus pursed his lips, closing his book.
"Need anything?" Sirius shook his head, smiling down at his blankets.
"That's alright–" Remus nodded. He set his book atop his nightstand, leaning over to blow out the candle.
"Mm– Well, goodnight, Pads."
"Night, Re–"

        Sirius lay awake, listening to the sounds or Remus shifting in bed and James and Peter giggling over something stupid. He took a breath, trying hard to block out his thoughts and instead let sleep wash over him. He'd never been great at that though– And the thoughts bubbled up for longer than he'd hoped they would.