Moonage Daydream [Stand-alone vers]

Good.

Despite the fact that everyone seemed to be briefed that Sirius was no longer the enemy, he still felt sort of weird about hanging out in the common room. It felt awkward to just start sitting with everyone again, no problem— So he didn't. After detentions, he still usually made his way up to the dorm. He'd learned to sort of appreciate the quiet after so many weeks of it.
This time though, when James or Peter got sick of the common room noise, they'd pass by his bed and smile. This time, when he was finally discharged from the infirmary, Remus sat up there with him—

——————

The common room was pretty full that Friday, James and Peter having a vaguely violent round of exploding snap with Mary and Dorcas while Lily and Marlene chatted about that day's care of magical creatures lesson. Sirius and Remus were up in the dormitory alone.
The end of Rock n' Roll Suicide played softly from beside Remus's four poster as the boy laughed, doubled over.
"I'm just saying like— Objectively speaking it'd be pretty funny to kick the bucket to that mixtape, right?? Cause the songs don't exude sadness and dispair, but it's funny cause— Well— You know—" Remus smacked at his head lightly, unable to stifle his grin.

"Okay so Rock n' Roll Suicide, I Think I'm Going To Kill Myself and what else—?" Sirius bit his lip, raising a hand.
"A moment to think please.." He murmured and Remus gave a mocking bow of his head.
"As many moments as you require.." Sirius rolled his eyes pushing playfully at Remus's shoulder.
He sat there till the song had changed, chewing on his lip before:
"Only the good die young..?" He hazarded and Remus snorted, nodding. Sirius shook his head. "I'll keep you posted.."
With that, he flopped onto his side.
He let his eyes flutter closed for a moment, feeling the quiet drums playing behind him. He hummed along, hands moving to the beat.
When he opened his eyes, Remus was looking fondly down at him and their eyes met. Sirius went still.

It had been a few days since Remus's sixteenth birthday. A few days since their conversation in the hospital wing—
Sirius had been thinking about it probably too much, but hadn't worked up the guts to bring it back up...

The conversation had made it clear that the way he felt about Remus was, to some degree, mutual, but Sirius had no way of really knowing what that degree was— And in the confusion of that, he'd begun to second guess himself.

On one hand, there was the horrifying possibility that he was overthinking and overcomplicating what Remus had said. He'd never technically said he had feelings for Sirius—
On the other hand, one look at almost anything that had happened over the past five years could pretty much spell out that, that's exactly what Remus had meant—
Regardless though.. If Sirius was wrong he didn't have a plan B— He didn't know what he'd do—

His thoughts were interrupted as Remus cleared his throat. He nearly jumped.
"You're staring at me—" Sirius blinked, lips parting as he made to say something, but the words caught in his throat and all he managed to get out was a weak 'sorry.'
Remus's head fell down as he bit his lip, trying hard to hide his smile. Sirius swallowed, unsure what to say—
But Remus looked up again, eyes crinkling as he cleared his throat.
"It's alright— I like it when you stare—" His voice was low and gravelly and Sirius swallowed, fingers gripping nervously at Remus's bedspread as his insides turned.
"You do—?"
Remus nodded, shifting slightly. His hand hesitantly slid out, one of his knuckles brushing against Sirius's arm, sending shivers down his spine. He looked over at Remus helplessly, heart hammering in his chest and the other boy tilted his head.
"Alright over there—?"
Sirius blinked twice before nodding slowly, hand moving to graze Remus's in return.

For all the rumors about his game, Sirius had never actually been with a guy before, let alone Remus— He felt a little like he might throw up— And Remus might have clocked that from his expression because a moment later, he smiled, patting the spot next to him in bed.
"C'mere—"
Sirius didn't need to be told twice— He crawled closer, head moving to rest on the boy's chest. Remus's arm curled carefully around his shoulders and his whole body felt unsteady like he was on open water.
"Thank you—" Remus brushed a hair out of Sirius's face.
"What for?"
Sirius shrugged, pressing his face somehow even closer to the boy.
"Dunno— You're just— Nice—"
He heard Remus laugh softly, squeezing him.
"To you—"
Sirius smiled.
"Good—"

They laid like that for a while, letting the soft music fill the silence. Sirius could feel the slow rise and fall of Remus's chest— The boy's fingers tangling in his hair.
He felt knots working through him as the boy's warmth spread along his body.

"Re—?"

"Mm—?"
Sirius swallowed, mouth feeling dry as he forced out the words.
"I— I lied." He mumbled, voice shaking. "In the hospital wing—"
The fingers playing idly with his hair hesitated a moment.

"About what—?"

Sirius took a deep breath, trying hard to calm his racing heart. He knew he shouldn't feel so nervous saying it out loud— He knew Remus felt about the same—
Somehow it was still scary—

"I do know how I feel about you—"

Remus was quiet for a moment before his fingers began again to run through Sirius's hair.

"And how's that—?"

Sirius didn't think he could say it so he whispered it instead. So quiet Remus could have missed it, had he not been so close. Sirius breathed out,
"I like you—"

Another quiet moment went by, every second feeling drawn out. Sirius felt a lump in his throat as he took in a breath. He held it, waiting for Remus to say anything as it stung in his throat, getting harder and harder to keep in his cheeks.

"Good." Remus said finally, voice soft.

Sirius let the breath go, head dizzy with the release. He slid an arm around Remus's waist and squeezed.