Moonage Daydream [Stand-alone vers]

Sorry It's Late

That moon had been the worst so far even with Sirius's efforts. Remus had spent nearly a week in the hospital wing and even when he came back to classes he was in rough shape..
He seemed twitchier too—
Sirius had tried hard to keep his own scratches concealed. He knew how Remus would beat himself up over it, but they were Sirius's own fault, really. He could have moved away that night, but somehow he hadn't wanted to.. He'd almost needed the sting of it— He wasn't sure why, but it made him wonder if that was how Remus felt too—

Of course though, in a small dormitory, you always seemed to be changing and no matter how many times you tried to stagger your timings or hide yourself with a curtain, it didn't always pay off.
Sirius, uniform shirt halfway off in the empty dorm, had frozen as he heard familiar footsteps.
"Sirius? Are you up here—?" The voice fizzled out, leaving them in a tense silence as Remus stood, staring. Sirius knew what he was looking at— Long, scabbed scratches wound around his torso, rising and dipping over his shoulder blades, skimming his stomach. He swallowed. He slid his shirt off all the way, biting his lip.
"Re—" Remus looked stuck, hand shaking slightly. "Re— It's really fine— It looks way worse than it is—" Sirius rambled, touching one of the scratches as though to show him they were nothing important.
Remus pursed his lips, closing his eyes.
"Shit—" Was all he said.
That's how Sirius had felt..
'Shit. I hadn't meant for you to see that. Shit.'

____________________

That Sunday night, Sirius found Remus in the common room. He wasn't talking to anyone, instead sitting by the window with a book in his lap. Sirius grabbed a gentle hold of his arm and he looked up.
"Re— Can you take a break? I need you to come with me. It's important." Remus looked up, squinting at him.
"Is something wrong?" A look of concern had begun working its way onto his face before Sirius shook his head.
"Nono— Nobody's died."
There was a pause.
"Will you just come?" Remus closed his book, tucking it under his arm as he followed Sirius out through the portrait hole.
He led Remus by his wrist quickly up flights and flights of stairs, through passageways and corridors up and up until they finally reached the destination he'd had in mind.

The astrology tower was beautiful at night. They were so far from the bustle of big cities with all their lights and people— And it was much less cloudy tonight than it had been the last time they'd been up here. You could see stars seeming to go on forever.
He looked back at Remus who looked confused. Sirius took in the hunch of his tired shoulders and the way he put most of his weight on his left foot, right knee bent slightly, making him tilt. He looked like a little push could've knocked him over just then.
"Sorry it's late—" Sirius murmured, looking back apologetically. Then he smiled, eyes wandering to the open sky. Remus remained quiet, seemingly waiting to hear what Sirius was getting at.
     Sirius just sighed. "You remember how we used to sit up here when we were younger, just you and me?" He turned and leaned against the railing, looking out at the night sky properly.
There was a pause.
    "We were up here not so long ago, you know—" Sirius nodded, not looking back.
"Yeah, I know but— I was just thinkin' about like shit from when we were kids." Remus joined him at the railing, looking out and taking a deep breath like he was trying to breath in all the stars at once. After a moment he cleared his throat.
"Sirius—" Sirius looked over on instinct, trying to read the boy's tone of voice. It held some sort of tension, but he wasn't sure what kind.
"Yeah?"
Another pause.
"If I hurt you like that, don't hide it from me." Sirius's eyes widened, lips parting slightly. He made to say something, but thought better of it. Instead he nodded, looking back to the sky.
"Yeah, I'm sorry— I didn't want to worry you.. I know you— Well— I thought it might freak you out." Sirius's fingers drummed against the railing as Remus glanced over. It was a minute before he said anything. When he did, there was a strange shaky note in his voice.
"I was worried you'd taken to staggering your changing because of— Well— You know how James and Peter have been with everything and I just worried—" Sirius felt a tightness in his chest as he looked over.
"Oh god no— I'm sorry— I—" He waved his hands in front of him. "I don't care— I've never cared about any of that stuff—" Remus nodded, bangs tumbling into his eyes.
"Yeah— I think I knew that, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that maybe—" He cut himself off, eyes catching on the jacket Sirius was wearing. "Is that mine?" Sirius looked down.
"Oh yeah— Sorry it was just the first thing I saw when I was leaving I—" Remus shook his head.
"No, it just looks nice on you." Sirius felt a shiver go through him from the pit of his stomach, but he tried his best to push it down. He smiled, shrugging his shoulders and trying hard to be nonchalant.
"I always look gorgeous, don't I darling?" Remus snorted, smiling down at his shoes.
"You sure do—"
His voice was gruff when he said it and it tugged at something in Sirius's chest. There was a thick silence between them for a moment or two before Remus looked up, clearing his throat again. "That reminds me actually— I think I have something for you in the pocket." Sirius raised his eyebrows, shoving his hands in the pockets of the brown jacket and finding nothing. He frowned, going to shake his head when he felt Remus's knuckles against his chest. Sirius felt his ears burn before realizing Remus was undoing the button on the breast pocket. He pulled out something rectangular, handing it over. It took Sirius a moment to register it as a cassette tape. He took it, examining the colorful art against the white cover before noticing the band.
"Queen?? They came out with something new??" Remus smiled, nodding.
"Yeah— My dad sent it to me as soon as he could get his hands on it. It came out the 21st so honestly I was impressed when it came in the mail yesterday—" He licked his lips, "But um— It's yours if you want it." Sirius opened and closed his mouth.
"No— I mean it's yours I wouldn't want to—" Remus waved off his stammering dismissively.
"Take it, Pads— Consider it an 'I'm-sorry-I-screwed-up-your-birthday present." Sirius held the tape in his hands, knuckles going white as though if he loosened his grip he might lose it.
Finally, he smiled.
"Thanks—" Remus nodded, leaning forward against the railing and closing his eyes.
"Happy birthday, Sirius. Sorry it's late."