Moonage Daydream [Stand-alone vers]

A Night at the Opera

Snow covered the grounds as the winter holidays approached and students were bustling to get their things together for the end of term.
It was early on a Thursday morning when Professor McGonagall stopped by their spot at the Gryffindor table. She was making her rounds with the sign up sheet of who was staying for the holidays as she did every year. Sirius sipped his pumpkin juice until he noticed something unusual. James hadn't taken the sheet— Sirius stared, lip twitching.
    "What're you doing—? Mark yourself down, mate." Sirius whispered. James fidgeted, adjusting his glasses. He looked uncomfortable.
    "Told mum I'd come see her." James muttered vaguely, not making eye contact. Peter watched McGonagall pass by without a word as if maybe if he was quiet, Sirius somehow wouldn't notice. Sirius looked away, feeling sick..
They had never once skipped Christmas at Hogwarts together— Ever since first year when James had found out Sirius was staying behind. Sirius remembered James running after McGonagall to ask if she'd add him to the list— He'd wanted to stay with Sirius. They all had.
Sirius felt his stomach twist as he pictured James and Peter on the train by themselves. He could imagine the topic of conversation for their ride to Kings Cross—

    "Are you boys planning on staying?" Professor McGonagall prompted, looking at them through her spectacles. Sirius nodded.
    "Yeah. Remus and I are gonna stay." He said it forcefully as he wrote down his name, refusing to look back over at James, who shifted awkwardly in his seat. McGonagall paused for a split second after she'd collected the parchment again, lips pursing. Then she nodded, making her way down the table.

_____________________

Soon enough it was time for students to board the train home and Sirius and Remus found themselves alone in the empty dormitory.
Sirius had known things were fucked up, but for some reason he'd thought that maybe the holidays would have eased some of the tension.
That was stupid— Just cause it was Christmas didn't mean shit was gonna magically fix itself— But Sirius had still found himself hoping.
He did his best to cheer Remus up over the first days of their break. They went for walks, played board games, read each other books, anything to help put a smile on his face. But the smiles were always fleeting.

Remus had taken to talking with Lily in the common room a lot. Sirius would sit there too sometimes, but often it felt like he was intruding so he'd end up wandering the corridors or just laying in bed instead.
He'd lie there, absently staring up at his curtains or the frame of his four poster.
One day in particular, his eye caught on the carvings in the side of one of the bed poles— A messy J and a neater S done with the pocket knife Sirius had given James for his 13th birthday. It had been a nice knife, but James hadn't known how to use it— He'd cut himself trying to close it, Sirius tying his school tie tight around the palm of his hand and walking him to Madam Pomfrey. He remembered the way they'd made eye contact when she'd asked how he cut himself.
"I dropped some of my potions glassware—" He'd said, shrugging.

Sirius pursed his lips, rolling over onto his side and holding his pillow in his arms. He felt like he shouldn't feel so hurt about all this— James wasn't even really being mean to him, was he?
But the thing is he was— He knew it would be no different if it'd been him and not Remus.
That's what stung..

He looked over as he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, Remus rubbing at his eyes. Sirius couldn't tell if he was tired or if he'd been crying. He didn't bother to ask.
"Hey—"
"Hi." Sirius sat up slightly, propping himself up on his elbow.
"You alright?" Remus stopped, just standing there for a moment before shrugging.
"I don't even really know." He muttered. Sirius pursed his lips.
"Yeah— I get it." Remus sighed coming over and sitting down on the end of Sirius's bed. He looked down at his knees.
"I just don't know what to— Do with myself.." Sirius understood that. He'd been feeling it in his chest recently— This weird helplessness. It made him feel dumb and slow and unsure. He bit his lip.
"Well— Let's do something together then, yeah?" Remus looked up.
"Like what—?" Sirius thought.
He thought hard about what might put a smile on that worn face just for a little while.
He hummed, closing his eyes. Then he opened them again, glancing at his nightstand to see if there was maybe a book they hadn't read yet. But instead of a book, his eyes fell on something else— A smile stole across his face.
"Where's your cassette player?" Remus frowned, nodding his head over at his trunk.
"Did you wanna listen to something?" Sirius nodded.
"Yeah— The Queen tape." Remus's lips parted, taking in Sirius's smile.
"You haven't listened to it yet?" Sirius shook his head. He grabbed the tape off the nightstand and looked it over with a shrug.
"I was waiting for a good time to listen to it with you— I think this counts as a good time, right?" Remus nodded wordlessly.
The boy got up, rummaging through his things. He came back with his small cassette player, handing it over.
Sirius slid the tape in and cleared a space on his bedside table to set it up on. Then he sat back against his headboard, waiting for the first song.

The album was unlike anything he'd remembered hearing— One of the tracks, six minutes long, was almost haunting. The vocals were strange and dramatic and the music almost urged you to get up and sing and dance around. Sirius's foot tapped in time with the drums, fingers itching to play that piano part.
Sirius had never liked the piano— He'd ditched it the moment he could. He hated the lessons and the way his mother would rap his fingers when he was off tempo; The way she'd yell at him to sit up straight. But this was not that— This piano moved through him and his fingers picked up as though he had the keys in his lap.
When he looked up, Remus had his eyes closed. He was smiling softly, the glow of early evening touching the side of his face. He swayed gently where he sat like a tree in the wind.

They sat like that through every song on the album, Sirius almost aching when the last song was over.
He looked up at Remus.
"That was brilliant—" He said with a grin. Remus didn't even respond. He reached out towards the cassette player and Sirius smiled as the first song started up again. Remus scooted closer to him. This time, instead of sitting, he let himself curl up on the bed, head resting against Sirius who smiled down at his lap, feeling warm, his fingers running through Remus's hair.

"What was that long one—? Track 11?" Sirius frowned, checking the case.
"Bohemian Rhapsody." He felt Remus smile against his legs.
"Cool."