Moonage Daydream [Stand-alone vers]

Bubble

The day's drama carried into the common room later that night although James seemed to have calmed down significantly. He, Marlene, and Peter sat by the fire ranting and complaining about the Slytherin boys as Sirius worked on his write up on ancient runes. He kept feeling them glance over at him as though waiting for him to come join the conversation which he never did. He kept his eyes pointedly down instead, thoughts bubbling to an overflow.

Eventually the other Gryffindors began to slowly disappear from the common room until Sirius was left on his own. He finished the last line of his paper, the only source of light coming from the flickering hearth. Then he stood up, stretching and blowing on his parchment. He rolled it up and gathered his things which he shoved in his bag, but as he made to leave the common room he hesitated. He looked back to the couches, biting his lip. Then took a step back.
He felt a tingling in his stomach. The couch was soft and comfortable as he sank back down, deep into the cushions. He stared into the hearth, flames reflecting and dancing in his dark eyes.

He kept going back to that moment when Regulus had looked at him with panic in his eyes. Sirius felt his chest burn, a lump in his throat.
He hadn't intended to snap— He really hadn't, but the thought that James could have hurt him or vice versa was horrifying. His senses had been clouded with the thought that James hadn't seen Sirius's little brother— He'd seen a Slytherin picking a fight. He'd seen Reg as a threat.
He wasn't entirely sure he could have forgiven James or Regulus for anything that might've happened had he not interfered. Regulus was brother by blood, James was brother by choice, but they both held the title in important ways. He didn't know how to explain that in a way that didn't make him feel crazy.
If he tried to explain it to Regulus it would be further confirmation of Sirius's detachment from the family— Confirmation that because Sirius had a 'brother' in his own house, he didn't need Regulus anymore. It would be a betrayal— And he knew that if he tried to explain to James the complexity of his relationship with Regulus it wouldn't go the way he needed it to. James was incredibly sweet and caring and passionate.. Sirius loved those things about him, but nuance had never been a great strong suit of his. He knew logically that Regulus was important to Sirius, but when push came to shove, Regulus was still the enemy.

His eyes caught on the doorway of the boys' stairwell as he heard footsteps, drawing him out of his own mind. He felt a tension in his frame, sort of praying it wasn't James. He really didn't feel like having that conversation right now...
But it wasn't James— The boy who stepped into the common room was taller than James and he wore a large knit sweater with his pajama bottoms. Sirius's eyes softened as Remus walked towards the couch.
"Re—" He murmured as the boy sat down. "I thought you'd gone to bed." Remus rubbed his eyes.
"I was waiting to make sure you got to sleep alright." Sirius frowned, gently smacking his shoulder.
"Don't do that— You need the sleep much more than I do.." Remus hummed softly with a shrug. He nudged his shoulder into Sirius's.
"It's late— What are you still doing down here?" Sirius bit his lip, his uncertain gaze moving back to the fire.
"I needed to think about some stuff— You know.. Not in the dorm." Remus pursed his lips. His hand moved to Sirius's own, tracing a pattern on the back. Sirius fought the urge to shiver.
"Did you want to talk about it?"
Sirius's lips parted as he looked back to the other boy. He swallowed hard, feeling the lump growing in his throat. Remus took his hand. "C'mon then— Talk to me."
There was a still moment where the only movement came from Remus's hands and the fire beside them. Sirius took a breath, trying to figure out how to word what he was thinking in a way that made at least a bit of sense.
"Did you hear about the shit that happened earlier?" Remus nodded slowly, letting his eyes close.
"Yeah I got the synopsis from Dorcas—" He let his eyes open again. "You thinking about Regulus..?" Sirius nodded, taking a shaky breath.
"I'm so worried about him, Re—" He whispered, eyebrows drawing together. "And I sort of yelled at him and I can't stop feeling like—" He cut himself off, chewing at his lip. Remus squeezed his hand and he felt warmth working through him. It was a moment or two before he could force out the rest of his sentence.
"I feel like maybe I learned how to— Care for people from my mother—" He choked out, looking down. He blinked rapidly, refusing to let himself break right now. "He looked scared— I don't want to make people scared—"
Remus was silent and unmoving for a long moment. Long enough that Sirius worried he'd said or done something wrong— He looked up to try and read Remus's expression.
As his head raised, he felt the boy pull him into a hug. His body initially tensed at the touch, but a moment later he lay limply against Remus's chest, welcoming the contact.
"You're plenty caring. We can all feel that you care, Sirius.." Sirius sucked in a breath.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah.. You're not—" He pursed his lips. "You're wonderful, Sirius."
He exhaled shakily, hands gripping at Remus's sweater. He didn't know what to say so he didn't say anything, just breathing. He let his face press into Remus's chest.
Remus shifted, sliding down on the couch so Sirius could lie on him more fully. Sirius felt his heart pounding hard beneath his ribs. He was sure Remus could feel it too, but the boy didn't comment, fingers tangling in his hair.
Finally, Sirius bit his lip.
"You think I'm wonderful—?" He felt Remus smile against his scalp.
"Course— Why wouldn't I?" Sirius nodded, tracing the wrinkles of Remus's sweater.
There was a long pause, Sirius's eyes squeezing shut. He felt Remus's warmth radiating through him and it felt like they were safe in a bubble. A bubble where no one else existed just for this one moment.
"That's all I ever wanted—" He breathed out, voice soft and barely audible.
"Hm—?"
"That's all I ever wanted— For you to think I was good. I just want you to think I'm good—" Remus was quiet. His hand hesitated against Sirius's back. Then he squeezed him tight, speaking with a slightly shakier voice now than he'd had a minute ago.
"Well— I think you're perfect."