Lost Girls

Girls

TW//: Sexual assalt

I'm getting ready to visit Dee again. I haven't spoken to her about the texts or about valentine's day or about any of that. She's in the hospital after all. The last thing she needs right now is me bringing up shit.

"Babe where are you going?" Autumn is sitting on my bed, watching me get ready to leave.

"To visit Dee." I say, before turning to her and asking her politely to leave.

I pack a book, some crayons, some paper and pencils, the homework and notes I took for her at school, and pick up the flowers I bought for her. Autumn and I leave the house together, and she kisses my cheek goodbye.

(Time skip, Rex is now in the hospital)

I walk up the stairs and head for Delilah's room. The hospital is so quiet. So clean, white, perfect. It's unsettling. I reach Delilah's room and talk to the nurse, to make sure I can visit her. I open the door, and Delilah is laying in bed staring at the TV. She's watching Marvel, which isn't like her.

"Watcha watching?" I ask, and she turns to me and smiles.

"I'm watching the movies you like! So that we can talk about them! I'm watching the newest spider man movie... I think?" She looks back to the TV, pauses it, and then sits at the edge of her bed and waits for me.

I drop my jacket and bags on the chair in her room and give her a big bear hug. She giggles softly, and when I try to pull away she holds me there. I return my arms around her and ask if anything is wrong.

"Oh nothing is wrong darling. Right now, everything is right." She whispers softly in my ear, still holding me in the hug.

I can feel her warm breath on my neck and I can't help but blush. It tickles but it also makes me feel a way I haven't felt yet for Autumn. I haven't felt anything real for my girlfriend yet, but my heart will love her soon, right?

I step away, and Delilah lets me, so I take the population to grab the flowers I brought her. I place them in the vase beside her bed, and see that she's got like, 12 vases full of flowers in her room. I look back and she's gazing at me, with a wondering expression on her face. I feel my face burn up, so I face the wall and gather the weeks homework.

We study for awhile, and then we take a break. This has all been really hard on Delilah. The doctors learned her fall concussed her. Not severely, but enough for her to miss school. I bring paper and crayons because she likes to color, and I'd she's drawing and writing, she's healing.

After awhile she stops drawing and stares at the wall. I disregard it and continue writing, but when I look back up a couple minutes later, I see tears streaming down her cheeks in rivulets. Bug globs of salty sadness are staining her spotless white bedsheets.

"Hey! Hey what's going on?" I ask, scooting my chair up beside her bed and holding her hand.

"I- I have been left alone with my thoughts and my memories." She explains, stumbling on her words.

"I can't stop thinking about... About the past." She chokes on her words and starts sobbing.

I put both my hands on her cheeks and force her to look at me. I wipe away each tear with my thumb, but to no avail. They continue to spill out of her beautiful hazel eyes.

"Hey! Hey hey hey. Listen to me. Take a deep breath in, okay? Deep breaths." I try to calm her down, but she just begins hyperventilating and crying more.

I can't seem to calm her down so I just do the only thing I know will work. I push her lips onto mine. I hold her there for a moment or two, before releasing her. She has seized crying, but now she looks confused and on the verge of crying again.

"I'm sorry. I just had to find a way to calm you down. I should have asked, but this felt like an emergency of sorts." I try to think of what to say next, but Delilah speaks first.

"I was 11." She starts. I listen and lock eyes with her to show I'm listening. I out her hands in mine, since hers were shaking.

"I was 11 when he-" she chokes, but continues.

"I didn't know him. Who he was. But he found me and took my innocence." Tears roll down her cheeks, but she pushes on.

"I was only 11 when he took everything away from me. And then you did the same thing. I thought you loved me, but instead you just used me. Just like him." She pulls my hands to her heart, letting me feel her slow heartbeat.

"And now you love Autumn? You are dating her but you still kiss me. You still bring me joy. You seem like you want us both in your life." She sniffles and wipes her eyes.

"I love you. But you don't love me, do you? If I was drowning, would you care? If I was drowning, would you save me? No. You wouldn't." She looks down at out hands, and doesn't look at me when she speaks.

"That was a poem written by a dear friend. All of that was a poem she beautifully constructed. I was still raped twice when I was a child, but I just wanted you to know that that's the reason I'm not okay." She turns pale, like she's about to be sick. She starts shaking and crying again, and I grab her and hold her close.

"I do love Autumn. But that doesn't mean I don't love you too." I whisper into her ear. She keeps crying and I hold her, and we stay like that for many hours, into the night.