Lost Girls

Drowning

TW//: Mentions of sexual assault, rape, abuse, emotional manipulation, mental exhaustion, depression, suicide, and self harm (tell me if I forgot one).

A/N: hey guys!!!! Hope y'all are doing well. Sorry, again, for the crazy posting schedule. I'm trying my best <33

"I don't want you in my life anymore." A voice says behind me, leading me to turn around.

Rex is standing there, staring at the floor. They can't turn to face me, to look me in the eyes. I knew this was coming. Rex has become distant and wasn't showing love anymore.

"Okay." I say, turning away from them to hide the flood.

I run hide in a bathroom and feel my chest heave. Sobs wrack my body and I feel snot and tears drip everywhere. My hands reach my eyes and I wipe them over and over, trying to remove the sadness.

I knew this was coming. That's the worst part. Whilst Rex had become my girlfriend, they weren't treating me like one. They would occasionally show me love and affection, but it never lasted long.

Time after time I'd spend nights reassuring them they shouldn't kill themselves. Night after night I lost sleep to be there for them, to hear their problems, to let them vent to me. The tearstained pillows, the sleepless nights, I felt like drowning.

And Rex only cared about themselves. I loved them with my full heart, maybe still did, and always only searched for a solution. The day Rex came out as genderfluid, I told them they would be okay.

Rex went on and on for the rest of the night about their problems, their parents unacceptance, their life. I wanted so badly that day to tell them about how I was sexually harassed at school, but they were more important in that moment.

So I shut up. And I spent countless months shutting up, letting Rex drain me of all my mental stability. I was a therapist, a punching bag, a dump for their everyday struggles. But I told myself this was normal, this was love. This was a relationship.

But mostly, I told myself to stop being selfish, because Rex had it worse than you. I thought that untill the day I realized I was being used. Again. I fell into yet another stupid trap, where someone took advantage of me, and abused me.

Even after learning this, I didn't leave. I tried to seperate myself, but Rex guilt tripped me to return to their world of despair. To drag me back down with them. Down into the deep, watery depths of their suicidal mind and unstable life.

I loved them with my whole heart, and this is what they do? I tried to be a good girlfriend. But I wasn't even doing anything that mattered. Rex used me. Like everyone does. Like that guy did, that late night many years ago, when I was alone. He took advantage of me, and Rex did the same thing.

No matter what I do, I can't escape this shit. It won't leave me alone. It's like misfortune follows me. A spell of dark weather, the bullshit raining down harder every single day.

I hear a knock on the stall door.

"Dee? You there?" Ivy says, her voice quiet and cautious.

I snort, wiping the tears off my face.

"What do you want Ivy." I say, trying to sound as emotionless as possible, with tears still streaming down my face, drowning me.

"Let me in." She says, stern this time.

I've never heard Ivy be stern with me, so I oblige to her requests. When I open the stall door, she's got red puffy eyes, and a weak smile. I instinctively open my arms, and she falls into them, sobbing and holding me tight.

"I can't take it anymore. The shit going on. I can't take it." She says, through sobs and hiccups, sputtering into a coughing fit.

"I know." I say, feeling tears run down my cheeks.

I stroke her hair, and hold her close. She continues to heave, salty tears drenching my sweater. I close and lock the stall door, and feel her arms wrap around me. The comforting feeling causes the lump in my throat to fully develop into a spell of sobs.

"Saints- why are you crying?" Ivy asks, pulling back slightly so our noses touch.

"I just- Rex broke up with me..." I trail off as I bite my cheek, trying to hold in the screams that want to escape my frail body.

"I'll hold you while you scream, if that's what you need me to do." She says, calm and understanding.

She wraps her arms around me and I scream cry into her shoulder. I hear someone else knock on the stall door, and a teacher's soothing voice fills the bathroom. I wipe my face, sniffling and exhaling sharply, and Ivy takes my hand in hers.

"Are you alright in there hon?" The voice repeats.

"Sorry ma'am." I say as I open the door.

The teachers eyes go wide with disbelief. Girls in the bathroom huddle around, taking a gander at the sight that is my face. I try to stand straight and smile, but Ivy puts her hand on my shoulder, almost as if to tell me trust me, it'll be okay.

The teacher puts her arm on my shoulder, and then moves it to my back. She leads me and Ivy away from the bathroom, and escorts us to a quiet room, empty and away from the agog faces.

She didn't dare seperate me and Ivy, instead, signed up both out of classes for the remainder of the school day. She lets us sit at a table in the room, and closes the door, locking it from the outside. We are completely alone, and I realize Ivy is texting someone urgently on her phone. I immediately realize my idiocy.

"I'm so sorry i-" my voice breaks as tears leak out of my eyes and down my cheeks, leaving little puddles of regret and misery on the table.

"Don't be." She says, wrapping her arms once again tightly around me.

"Okay..." I manage to cough out between wails.

Her hazelnut colored hair moves from her back to her front, as she leans in to grab me tighter. I let myself go, crying and venting about everything. When the day finally ends, I've gotten everything out of my system, and am extremely dehydrated.

So, as any logical person would, I immediately re-apply all the makeup I cried off. I remove my tearstained sweater, wrapping it around my shoulders, so I still look cute. I take one more look at myself in my mini-mirror, and fake a smile. Perfect.

A/N: I credit some of the beautiful words in this chapter to my really close friend Shnootykanooty!

My school life has been borderline insane with someone harassing me, but that won't stop me from trying to get the posting schedule back on track.

Every 2-3 days, hopefully, I'll post on one of my stories. I hope you all have a great day and remember to stay hydrated and take care of yourselves!!