Just Friends

28

⊱𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚒⊰

I grimace as I lean back in my seat and blink up at the ceiling. My contacts go blurry when I blink once, and don't exactly get fixed the second time.

I tilt my head back down and try to look at my laptop screen again. The words begin to blur together and squinting doesn't help me decipher anything.

Which basically means it's time to go home now. That's how I've been doing this lately. When I physically can't see the words anymore, I go home.

It's been pretty effective so far. Only downside? I'm basically never home.

I'm lucky Cheshire is pretty independent. His food is on a timer as well as his water, so he can survive. He seems to entertain himself with the stray papers I leave out for him.

Excuse me—There are two downsides. One including the fact that I'm never home, and two including the fact that I rarely see Tess. I have no free time.

At this point, I've long abandoned the idea of moving on. It's not happening. I miss her too much. Crave her attention.

The graze of her shoulder against my arm is one thing I could survive on, and I've been starved of that for way too long.

I can't even hang out with her long enough to play with the goddamn toy car I gave her. She hasn't said anything about it, but I have a feeling she hasn't touched it since I left that park. She said she wanted to try it with me first.

Maybe I'd feel better if I knew she didn't want to see me anyway, but that's not the case. For once, I know she wants me around.

She sent me a picture of some random girl's painted nails the other day. Christmas theme. She told me that's what she wanted to do to mine the next time she has a chance.

I'm not exactly thrilled about the idea of Christmas themed nails since I don't really even celebrate Christmas, but at least I know she wants to see me.

I don't think I ever realized, or acknowledged, how strong my feelings for her really are. It's never really mattered, I guess. Still doesn't.

The realization makes me wonder about what's to come in the future. I can't be in love with the same girl who doesn't love me back for my entire life.

It's still unfair of me to go out and try to find someone else while I so painfully still feel for her. So, does that mean I'm just supposed to stand around with these feelings I still have no idea what to do about for the rest of my life?

It's one of the reasons why my life goals have altered around her.

We're in the same city and state, I'm not going anywhere for a long time. I turned down a good opportunity less than three months ago because I knew if I left, everything would stop. Probably for good.

She asked me what I wanted later on. All I could offer her was maybe marriage. If I can get over her, I'll hopefully get married. I can't even consider kids if marriage isn't really on the table.

With a heavy sigh, I reach forward to start shutting my laptop down. I'm not going to get any more work done with blurry eyes and a mind occupied.

I think I may be one of the last people in the building. I don't bother to go look and see who else is here. Instead, I tuck my laptop neatly into my letter bag and throw it over my shoulder.

Most of the lights are off in the halls. It's already basically nine. I should've simply closed my laptop at five and headed home.

All I've been doing is reading up on new books. I never thought I'd be tired of reading.