"why can't you see me? why can't i stop needing you to see me?"- Chen Chen
Stella has never been seen that is until Mason walked into her life.
Tw: self harm, suicide attempt
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Chapter 8
"There is a corpse staring at me from the mirror's reflection, I know her better than I care to admit.— maybe I just wasn't meant to be saved"
Oh no My heart starts racing and my hands get shaky. I get up after cleaning my cuts, the knocking gets a little bit louder "hold on Mason, I'm almost done" i look into the reflection and i see myself
Except it's not really me, it's just a girl. A lost girl.
I look pale, the spark behind my eyes are gone, i look dead, i don't look like myself anymore. Where is the old me? She's gone, forever.
I open the door to see Mason standing there, worried "are you okay?" He asks concern in his voice, no I'll never be okay again I thought to myself but i smile and nod "yes Mason I'm fine" i lie "no stella you're not fine, but it's okay I'll be here for you" he hugs me, i hug him back "I'll be waiting for you to open up whenever you feel your ready" i hug him tighter scared to let him go
"I don't want you to go" i whispered, half hoping he doesn't hear but also hoping he did "I won't ever leave you stella, i promise" he whispered back, we hug for a long time. Everything seems to disappear whenever I'm with him, I feel good whenever I'm with him. He makes me feel like I'm floating
We hold onto each other, neither one of us wanting to let go. I wonder if he feels the same way I do, i want him. My soul craves him and everything about him. I craved his touch and never even knew it. Now that I've felt his hands on me how could I ever go back?
I want everything with him, I want all of his flaws and imperfections and his weird little quirks and everything that makes him, him. I just hope he wants the same thing with me.
We pull apart after what feels like forever.
I think if you would look into my eyes you'd be able to see a little fire of spark in them every time I look at Mason.
"Just know I'll always be here for you" Mason says with a small smile on his face and a little glow in his eyes, "I'll always be there for you as well" i tell him.
We go back into the living room to see everyone else sleeping "what time is it?" I ask Mason, he takes his phone out of his pocket "uh its 11:09pm" he says "oh wow it's so late" i say, we lay back down but next to each other this time.
"Have you ever loved someone?" Mason asks out of no where, i turn to him to see him already looking at me "yeah I did, once upon a time ago" i say, it's true I did love someone a long time ago now that I think about it, it's been two years since he left "what happened? If you don't mind me asking" he questioned, i look away "i don't even know to be honest, one day he loved me and next he didn't" i say to him
He loved me but then he stopped, "I'm sorry sweetheart, he didn't deserve you" he says with so much emotion in his voice that I believed him.
I scoot closer to him, he wraps his arms around me and all feels right in the world.
I feel my eyes getting sleepy, i shut my eyes together and just as the darkness pulls me in I hear mason whisper "I've always liked you Stella more than just a friend"
I wake up to people whispering "They look so cute together" "They'll be together in two months I know it!" "Shhh!!" "Let's take a picture for their wedding" I hear the flash to go off, i don't want to wake up "if you guys don't shut up, I swear to god you won't be able to take another picture again" I hear Mason threatened them and that's when I realized what my friends were taking a picture of
Mason and I cuddling
I open my eyes and sit up "oh good, now you've woken her up" mason says, i giggle "sorry you guys just looked so cute" Blake says giving Mason a look
I wonder what that look means
Oh wait it might have to do with what Mason said last night
Also does he actually mean it? I'm not going to mention it until he brings it up when I'm actually awake "so who want's pancakes?" Evelyn asks, we all agree to pancakes.
After we ate breakfast, we all leave but agree to meet up later on today only the girls for another sleepover only this time with a packed backpack since no planned to fall asleep here yesterday
I get home and go straight to my room and start packing my backpack
"Stella!" I hear my mom calling out my name, it's slurred from her drinking. My heart starts to speed up and not in a good way, she goes into my room "where have you been?" She questions, looking at me with her dead eyes something we both share
"I— I was with the girls" i say stuttering, she looks awfully calm but before I could do anything she grabs me by the hair pulling me to the ground, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" i say crying "it's too late for that bitch" she says with so much hatred and venom in her voice it makes my skin crawl
I cry out as she punches me in the face and anywhere she can hit, she kicks me in the stomach, grabs me the hair
I deserve this I killed them I deserve it I'm worthless I deserve to die I can't do this anymore
My thoughts become too much as she hits me, once she's done I crawl into a ball and sob
I can feel the bruises already forming, just breathing makes my body ache, my sobs keep coming it's the only thing you can hear in the room.
After I'm done feeling bad about myself I try to finish packing, i put on some makeup on the bruises on my face before packing it into my backpack. I was planning on leaving it but after everything I think I should take it only in case the boys come around.
The girls know what's happening but the boys don't and they won't until who knows when.
Once I get packed, I get my car keys and leave.
I wish I could just leave forever and never come back here again only then would everything be okay again. I don't care how i leave I just want to be gone.
