"why can't you see me? why can't i stop needing you to see me?"- Chen Chen
Stella has never been seen that is until Mason walked into her life.
Tw: self harm, suicide attempt
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Chapter 18
"I can't abandon the person I used to be so I carry her"- 365 Days of Haiku, Day #123
I'm telling Mason everything that has kept me up at night, I'm telling him about the girl I used to be.
"After my dad and brother passed I felt a piece of me die with them, but then I met him and he made me feel that girl again." Mason just listens.
"After a while we started dating, he knew everything about me he knew what my mom was doing to me. He would try to get me out of the house as much as possible so I wouldn't have to be with her"
"He treated me good, he was the best thing that had happened to me. One time when we were arguing he accidentally hit me" tears are threatening to spill out, Mason squeezed my hand "he apologized over and over saying he didn't mean it he was just so caught up in the moment and I forgave him, I forgave him because I loved him and i didn't want to let go but one hit became two, two became three..." I take a deep breath, "after the one hit, he never stopped"
I close my eyes, "everytime it would get worse but yet i never left him" i open my eyes and look at Mason "I felt like I deserved it" his gaze is soft as he looks back at me.
"Mason, coleson is not a good person. He's bad news, he's in a gang that's why he left. He didn't leave because he didn't want me anymore, he left because he had too" Mason looks somewhat shocked "i don't think we should see each other anymore" i tell him looking down.
"What? Why not?" He asks, "I don't want him to hurt you" i say sobbing now, Mason holds my cheek wiping away my tears "I'll be fine, I'll protect you and myself" he says in a soft tone "I don't and won't lose you" he says, i hug him and sob into his chest.
"You'll be okay, I'm here" he whispers into my hair, "I won't let him near you ever again"
I'm terrified of seeing Cole again, he's a bad guy, a very bad one who is capable of many bad things.
I don't want Mason to get hurt, I don't care about me I just want him to be safe.
Mason and I fell asleep on the couch together after I sobbed into his arms. He comforted me in ways no one has ever.
I woke up to a ringing from my phone, i got a message from unknown number.
Unknown number: He's here, and he's not happy. He will come and get you and he doesn't care who he has to hurt to get you.
As I read it I felt myself starting to tear up again, i shut my phone off and set it down. Before i can start crying again I snuggled back into Mason arms and closed my eyes.
I hoped this had all been a nightmare and he wasn't actually back again, I hoped he had been gone for good this time. He wasn't supposed to be back.
The only reason he left was because he wanted out of the 'mafia' he was supposedly in and apparently you can't just get out of it unless you're dead and so he decided to run away and hide.
He said he was doing it for us, but at that point he had been too much for me, he knew what my mother did to me yet he decided to also put me through the same bullshit.
He promised he'd never hurt me, but he did something way more worse than just hurt me.
I reopen my eyes, i stare at the ceiling. There's so many what ifs running through my head, what if I had talked to Mason first, what if I hadn't talked to Cole in the first place, what if I had never asked my dad and brother to pick me up.
I know none of the what ifs and i wish will change what has happened but i like to pretend that it could maybe someday change.
Mason moves a little in his sleep drawing my attention to him, I think I love him. Maybe i don't know exactly what love is, but what i do know is that I want to spend forever with him.
I don't want to lose him, I don't want him to get hurt. I want to be the one who listens to his stories that he has to tell, or the one to be there with him when things are bad for him.
I want to take care of him, and be with him through anything.
Is that love? I need to know him inside and out.
It's still 12 in the afternoon, i close my eyes and try to fall back to sleep but i can't.
I eventually do fall asleep and wake up once again to the door opening and closing.
I stand up to see Lana walking into the living room, Mason also wakes up looking completely dazed.
"Hey guys" Lana says, "Hi" Mason and I mumbled, "I'll leave you two to talk" Mason says, i stand up and hug him "I'll call you tonight" he says and i nod as I let him go.
He grabs his jacket and keys and heads out the door, Lana sits down on the couch.
"I'm going to tell you everything" i say and she nods.
"Cole is bad guy, he used to hit me even after knowing what mom does" i say tears falling down my cheeks again, she grabs my hand and squeezes "he only left me because he was trying to get away from the mafia otherwise he wasn't planning on leaving me" i take a deep breath.
"He had to leave because they were going to kill him, and Coleson is super possessive over what belongs to him"
"And he's back, for me and I know for a fact he won't stop until I'm with him or... I'm dead"
