"why can't you see me? why can't i stop needing you to see me?"- Chen Chen
Stella has never been seen that is until Mason walked into her life.
Tw: self harm, suicide attempt
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"when they ask me about my scars, i will tell them about the boy with the stubborn heart and sad smile. i'll explain how he took so much of me. how he carved his name in the veins on my heart. i will tell them all about the boy who started this all. the boy who left, got lost, and never found his way back to me."
The next day the girls helped me finish packing everything, talk about all of our favorite memories we've made together.
And how difficult this year will be without me being there for senior year.
We cry about it, I repeatedly tell them how sorry I am that I'm leaving them.
And they reassure me that it'll be okay, that me leaving is okay.
And even though I believe them, I still can't help but feel guilty.
We look around my room for the last time, the pink walls once filled with pictures of us and posters of Taylor swift are now empty and blank.
"I can't believe this is actually happening" Violet says looking around the room she slept in many times.
I nod, "I can't believe it either" i say looking around as well.
"Let's do one more group hug" Evelyn says.
The three of us gather around, wrapping our arms around each other.
We hold onto each other tightly, we don't let go. We don't make a sound.
We just embrace each other, for the last time ever.
"I'm going to miss you guys so much" i say after we let go.
"You guys mean so much to me, always. I appreciate your loyalty and friendship and unconditional love and support you've shown me since we met" i say getting teary eyed.
"We love you!" Violet says.
"We always will" Evelyn adds, we go into another group hug.
After we were done hugging, and I finish packing.
We sit down to watch the vampire diaries for the last time together until it's time for me to leave.
Three hours later and it's time to leave.
"Stella! It's time to go!" Mom calls out, the three of us look at each other sad faces.
"Let's hug again!" Evelyn says, physical touch is her love language.
We hug again, and pull away crying.
"We'll ll be okay, I'm coming down for Christmas! And thanksgiving, we can see each other then" I say trying to cheer us up.
"Stella hurry up!" Mom calls out again.
"Come on! We'll walk you out" Violet says.
They each roll one of my suitcases down the hallway and towards the door.
I take a deep breath and look around my room, one last time.
This is it.
I'm moving on.
The drive to the airport is sorta long, maybe one or two hours long.
I send a picture of the view outside my window in the group chat we have between Noah, Blake, Evelyn, Violet and I.
Noah sends crying emoji's, Blake likes the photo, Evelyn responds with how beautiful it looks and classic violet doesn't do anything.
But I know she saw it and i just left her speechless.
My mom takes me all the way to the waiting area for the plane, when it's time to line up that's when we say goodbye.
I give her a big tight hug, instead of smelling booze and smoke, she smells of strawberries and vanilla.
"I love you so much, please forgive me for all the pain I caused you" she says whispering to me.
I nod "of course I forgive you, you tried your best to make it up to me afterwards. I love you mom"
She leaves after we say goodbye leaving me by myself in line.
I'm only behind three people until I'm next to get in.
I sigh and glance around seeing many faces but knowing none.
I'm on my own for now until I get to aunts, I feel free.
I feel this pressure of my shoulders.
Once I go in, I start looking for my seat.
I'm on the left side, next to the window.
I sit down and immediately buckle myself up, wasting no time.
After what feels like hours, we're finally going up. I plug in my earphones.
And get lost in my thoughts.
I don't regret anything that I did, in this place I call home, in that house or with the people I met.
I thought my story was gonna end in many different places or situations but yet I'm still alive.
I thought someone had finally saw me but at the end of it all, no one really saw me.
Mason didn't see me and I didn't see Mason. It was all a lie. He made me believe he saw me but he never did
I think that's what hurt the most. I was so desperate to be seen, I tricked myself into believing that he did see me.
A few hours later, i have arrived to New York.
I pick my suitcases up and head to where my aunt told me she'd be at.
It didn't take me too long to find her, "aunt jules!"
