Kickin' It in love (Jack Brewer)

The Karate Games

Today was supposed to be a chill day, but no, a convict just had to break out of prison today and a helicopter was circling the mall looking for the guy. Jack and I were walking out of Phil's with our food when we see Milton, Jerry, and Eddie trying to confront the escaped criminal. But when it comes to really bad guys it's down to Jack, Kim, and I but Kim was out of town for the week. After taking down the criminal 2 cops came and took the guy away, "Ok, the show's over. Remain calm, people. We got him. You're lucky you didn't have to deal with me. Because then you would have met Laverne and Shirley!" Milton held up his fists.

"Milton, the 70's called, they want their sitcom back," I said. The criminal growled and Milton, Jerry, and Eddie ran screaming like 4 year olds. After today's take down Jack and I had been on just about every news station in Seaford. "We've been on the news all day," I said while walking into the dojo. "They used surveillance footage from the Mall Security Camera," Jack explained. "I did not like the way I looked on that video," I said. "You look beautiful," Jack wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Sap," I smiled. "You guys aren't the only ones on the news. Yeah, on Spanish TV, they mentioned me, Eddie, and Milton. They called is "Los tres gusanos sin espinas," Jerry explained. 

I gave him a confused look "Doesn't that mean three spineless worms?" I asked. "Yes, it does," Jerry looked at the floor. Rudy walked in with a tall dude and two other guys behind them "There they are. Guy, look who's here," Rudy said. "I don't believe it, it's Dolph Bruber! I've seen all your movies. You're the best action star ever," Jack gushed. "Aw, you're too kind," Dolph said. "I saw you on the news last night. WHat you do is incredible," Dolph turned to see Jerry, Eddie, and Milton "Hello spineless worms," The slight disappointment I heard in his voice was a little  funny. "What brings you to our dojo?" I asked. "I want you two in my movie is what I'm wanting. I'm directing what will be the greatest martial arts movie ever," Dolph went further into explaining the details about "The Karate Games" 

"Do you lub it?" Dolph asked us. Boy was his accent thick "Yes, I lub it,"  Jack said. I was a little skeptical about doing this but hey when is another offer like this gonna happen. "But Dolph we're not actors," I pointed out. "That's why you're perfect. Actors are fake. You are real," Dolph explained. "You're fresh, you're gusty, you have great hair," Dolph said to Jack. And that is how we ended up on a trip to Hollywood, Rudy came with us and I was getting a gut feeling something was about to go wrong. Getting to the studio Rudy looked like a kid on crack looking around the set. "We shoot the first scene right here. This is your underground bunker," Dolph explained. 

The set looked cool, there were bunk beds in the corner with a ladder leading up to a hatch on the ceiling. "Your characters are enemies. But you're brought together by the most powerful thing in the universe. A kiss," Dolph explained the scene. "Sounds simple enough," I said. A little bit later, after going through makeup and wardrobe, and being given the script Jack and I started the first take of the scene "And...Action," Dolph yelled. "But I hate you. You're from Zone 5, you vaporized my father," "I had to vaporize him. He was implanted with the evil egg and smelled of...elderberries," "So by killing him, that means you saved...Me?"

By this point Jack had turned me to face him "No. I saved...us" Right as our lips were about to touch Dolph yelled "Cut!" and we pulled away. "Perfect. Bring in the stunt lips for the close-up," These two guys come in with broom sticks, that had fake lips at the end of the broom handles. "This is weird right?" I asked Jack in a whisper. "Yeah, a little bit," He agreed. "Hey, where did Rudy go?" I asked looking around. "I have no idea. I bet he'll be fine," Jack put he arm around my shoulder. After the stunt lip were done it was onto the next scene, "In this scene, you climb the ladder out the bunker and emerge in the Hollywood forest. That's where the real action begins," Dolph explained. 

Jack and I argued on who goes first up the ladder because we both believe that our character was the stronger one. So after arguing for 5 minutes Dolph yelled at us to climb up the ladder, and when we did we realized...we hadn't been given a script for this scene. "Dolph what are we supposed to do now? We weren't given a script for this scene," I yelled down the hatch. The hatch closed and we heard Dolph over a loudspeaker "Because there isn't one. Everything from this point forward is real. See, you're not acting in this movie. You are living in it," Dolph said. 

Jack and I looked at each other "What are you saying?" I asked. "I'm saying-" Dolph was cut off. "Welcome to clown burger. May I have your order, please?" A guy said. "That wasn't me. Whoever's on this channel, could you please switch?" Dolph said. "I'm trying to make a movie here!" What I'm saying, Yak and Tina...is I'll be filming your fight to the very end," Dolph said. "Fighting? Against who?" I asked. "The fiercest warriors who ever walked the earth," After Dolph said that we heard multiple voices yelling in the distance. "Are you ready?" I asked. "Do I have a choice?" Jack said. 

So we ran until we got surrounded by these fighters. To say we got our asses kicked well, We'd never admit it though, "Jack!" I yelled. I was taken by these fighter dudes and they tied me to a tree "While I'm slightly scared right now; you better hide when I get down from here!" I threatened. "Jack! Get over here and help me!" I yelled. "Thena! Are you ok?" Jack asked. "Oh yeah, I'm terrific. The Brazilian tree fighters and I are just the best of friends, that's why I'm tied to this tree," Sarcasm was a mechanism that I had when I got nervous. "What's a Brazilian tree fighter?" Jack asked. Then two tree fighters that were hiding came out and knocked Jack onto his back "That's a Brazilian tree fighter," I said. 

After getting me down we ran until we knew we were safe, "I am going to kick this director's ass all the way to Mars when I see him again," I panted out. "I'll help you," Jack added. "Jack, I'm getting worried that this won't end well," I voiced. Jack wrapped me in a hug "I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. Ok Thena," Jack let go of me. "Oh, that's touching. You kids are going to be big stars, if you survive. And the only way you'll do that is if you make it to the Hollywood sign for my spectacular ending," Dolph said. "You are going to jail, you fucking freak!" I yelled. "I wouldn't worry about me. I'd start running to that sign, and if you're looking for motivation, here it comes," Dolph ended.

Then we heard the barking of many angry dogs "GO! Go, Go!" I pushed Jack and we made a break for the sign. After sprinting up the mountainside and to the Hollywood sign we finally stopped hearing the barking dogs. "Now what?" I asked. "I don't know. He said we'd survive if we made it to the sign," Jack said. "All right, we're here, you crackhead! Ok, it's over!" I yelled. "We dodged spears, escaped traps, beat tree fighters, and outran dogs," I listed. "AnD I'm pretty sure I used poison ivy as toilet paper," Jack added. I cringed, "Congratulations! Ready for the big twist? Only one of you can be the star of this movie. And that is the one who survives," Dolph explained. "Survives what?" I asked. "Each other! Now fight!" Dolph's voice cut out. 

Now while I didn't want to kick the shit out of my boyfriend I had a plan but I couldn't risk saying the plan out loud. So I had to improvise, which was hard but Jack got the idea. After I "won" the fight Dolph appeared on the sign "Bravo, Thena. Bravo. You truly are a star," Dolph said. "I'm not just a star. I'm also a great actress," I smirked. "Let's not get crazy," Dolph disagreed. "It's true. I made you believe that we were actually fighting," I explained. Jack jumped up behind Dolph "That's right. Yak is back," Jack said in a decent Austrian accent. 

You know when I thought I would see the Hollywood sign, I thought it would be while I was visiting the city on my terms not because a psychotic movie director wanted a fight scene on the sign. Chasing this guy up onto the gigantic "O" of the sign Jack and I managed to shove Dolph off the sign and onto the ground. "Looks like his movie had a different ending," I smiled. "Can you believe when we got here we were worried about who was gonna be the star?" Jack questioned. "Funny how things change," I laughed a little. "Are you ready to get out of here?" He asked. "Yes please. Let's go find my brother and get out of this whack show town," 

After finding Rudy we were very surprised to find out the kind of day that Rudy had. Oh we did call the police about Dolph and had him sent to prison on many charges. We left Hollywood early the next morning, it was about noon when we got back to Seaford and we headed to the dojo where we saw Jerry, Milton, and Eddie watching a game show. "How was Hollywood?" Milton asked. "Oh, the director turned out to be a maniac and we sent him to jail for the rest of his life," I explained. "Same old, same old," Jack said. We ended up leaving the dojo and went to my apartment to watch movies and just relax for the day.