Lola & Alex [Slow updates]

Chapter 34: "Posting feet pictures on the internet to earn money or something."

Play the above song for the best experience x 

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"Lola, tell me which pair of chords work better together."

I hummed as I continued to scroll on my mobile. Paranoid had barely gained any listeners in the past five days on Spotify since its release and given how Youtube loved to notify me with the three oh-so-generous likes it got, I hated to admit that I was slowly losing hope about the entire band thing. 

Which subsequently also meant my anxiety was heightened to the point where I could hardly make it past twenty minutes without feeling the urge to open the apps to check whether by some miracle Félicité had gained anymore attention.

"Lola!"

"Quoi?" I snapped at Alex. 

What?

I looked up at Alex who was scowling at me, "I've been trying to gain your attention since past twelve minutes. What's going on? You're eating even lesser than what you used to. Not to mention, the constant screen time you're making your eyes suffer through has practically made you up of seventy percent dopamine and the rest water. Have you forgotten Harry's words?"

He had grown his hair a bit in the past month, the blonde streaks now almost touching his shoulder blades. I hated how the new look highlighted his sharp cheekbones even more and again made the goddamn butterflies flutter inside me.

I threw my head back with a groan, "Don't try to mother me, Alex. I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself. And I do remember what Harry warned us about, I'm fine."

"You might think that honey, but your body tells an entirely different story." 

My ears perked when I heard his footsteps coming closer and closer to where I sat on the bean bag in his room, my head still lolling back with my eyes closed. I squealed a second later when I suddenly felt his lean yet muscled arms scooping me up. 

I said with a baffled tone, "What the fucking fuck are you doing, Alex?!"

But he had the audacity to ignore me as he carried me all the way towards the standing mirror before gently placing me on my legs in front of it. 

"Look, I'm not in the mood right now so you'll probably won't get your daily dosage of Lola's Legendary comebacks today." I fake smiled at his glaring reflection behind mine to emphasis my point.

Alexie sighed, "Look at yourself, Lola. You're thinner than ever and your cheeks are so hollowed it looks like someone pinned them and they've lost their gas like a balloon. And those dark patches under your eyes, Jesus Christ. They look like permanent tattoos if not drawings by a sharpie."

As he continued to list how physically flawed and rotten my body was forming into, the volcano inside me was bubbling with boiling lava, waiting for that one attack to let it all out. How dare he poke my insecurities as though I wasn't aware of them myself? I knew was a mess, I didn't need anymore reminders to realise just how fucked up I had become in course of time.

I didn't want to hate myself even more so than I already did.

"Are you done yet? If not, then get this inside your head: I did not willingly choose to become the way I am now. I've developed severe anxiety, an eating disorder and a mindset in which either I'm on the white part- which rarely happens these days- or the black part. There's not an in between left for me anymore.

I blabbered even further when I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown, "So, if you do not know this, I hate myself enough already. Although, thanks for the reminder. I almost forgot how disappointing others is also a fatal flaw of mine."