LEFT BEHIND | Scarlett Johansson x Daughter.

CHAPTER 7 - 3 DAYS. *

It's been 3 days since our argument. Or should I say since I spoke my mind. And in those 3 days, mom hasn't even been here. She left after we argued. And hours later Colin showed up with Rose and nothing was said. I assumed she went out to give us both some space and would have come back later in the day but she didn't, she still hasn't been home and I just feel even more out of place here.

She has left me again, at least last time I had dad but now I'm stuck with Colin and Rose. 

Well to be fair Rose isn't too bad, she doesn't understand anything that goes on, by the sounds of it she thinks moms at work but I know that's not the truth. 

I surprised myself a lot in the past 3 days. I thought I'd lock myself down in my bedroom but I've been mainly playing with Rose. I have to tell myself that she is a child and none of this is her fault, she isn't to blame for how I feel or how I've been treated she is just something that comes from the source of it. 

Rose is this massive ball of energy, that has such a creative mind in my eyes. The scenarios she manages to come up with as she plays with her marvel toys doesn't fail to make me awe. Despite that, it doesn't stop me getting into my head about how she got to experience this different side of my moms life I was never allowed to indulge in. I had watched a few marvel films with my friends but seeing moms face on the screen made me shrink into myself along with how these films were more important than me and also how my friends would never stop saying how much I looked like Natasha Romanoff, I stopped showing up to movie nights until they promised I wouldn't have to watch another marvel film.

If I'm not playing with Rose in her room or in the living room then she is down in my bedroom cuddling in my bed while I'm forced to watch princess films as she calls them. 

She has been attached to my hip and although at times it's annoying especially when I'm trying to go to the toilet and she is trying to talk to me at the door but I also don't mind. 

When she cuddles up to me, it brings me this weird comfort. As though she is helping to heal this inner child that just wants someone to love her and right now she is the one who is bringing me this constant comfort. 

I had tried to stay clear of Colin. I don't eat with them, choosing to eat in my room as Colin tells Rose I deserve some me time after playing with her all day which I am grateful for. 

I go back upstairs to take my plate and then read Rose a story before I call it a night and then finally lock myself downstairs.

Mom not being here has just made me feel so many different things. I can't help but feel like I'm not the one who's pushed her away. That all she was doing was trying to talk to me and I ruined that but at the same time I'm furious at how I told her a slither of how I feel because of her and she has disappeared.

 I wish I could disappear but they're my own thoughts and I can't fully escape them. I can only attempt to make them go away. 

And I did that night, after she left. 

It was 3am and I couldn't sleep, too much going on in my head and all I could then think about was the razor in the shower and how that would help right now.

it did help.

--

Today is the 3rd day mom has been gone. I've spent the majority of the morning playing with Rose and watching films, no different than the past 2 days anyway. I spoke to dad this afternoon but he had to go too soon as he had a meeting with the company he is working for, for the next 6 months. I told him everything about what happened with Scarlett but by the sounds of it, he already knew what happened. He told me I need to be nice, that she is my mom and he didn't teach me to be disrespectful. That majorly sucked, she has clearly spoken to him for him to actually tell me off for it. But his mood with mine and her argument soon fizzled away as I told him how much I miss him.

After our phone call I just felt even more lost. The thought of going upstairs and playing with Rose just made my heart ache and even the thought of staying in my room just made me agitated. The only thing that would help right now was my razor but I couldn't do it, not after hearing my dad tell me how much he misses me too. 

A walk would help but I just don't think Colin will let me out, but he has no say over me. I walk over to my suitcases that are still packed on the floor and dig through to find my jacket. 

As I pull my jacket on I hear something hit the floor. I turn around confused only to see a note attached to a pack of cigarettes and a lighter?

I move quickly to the floor and pick everything up, turning my back to my door as I pull open the note. 

'thought you'd need these, hope you like what I left you :P x holly x'

I feel myself chuckle as I open the cigarette packet and find not only the obvious cigarettes but also a joint squished into the packet. I can't even help but let a laugh fall from my throat. 

I stuff them back into my jacket pocket as I run up the stairs. I walk quickly through the halls to get to the front door while I shout, "I'm going out Colin!" and then sprint as fast as I can down the drive. I don't stop until I've made my way to the gates we drove through only 4 days ago. 

I pull my AirPods from my pocket along with my phone as I start my walk to the nearest park I find on maps. 

--

When I arrive at the park I find a bench far away from where I see people walking and I pull out my packet of cigs. 

Staring down at its content I debate between a cigarette or the joint, my mind pulling more towards the joint as thoughts start spiralling through my head about mom and dad. 

I don't want to think right now.

I place the joint between my lips and pull my lighter up to stark up my joint. As soon as the smoke fills my lungs it's as though all my thoughts dissipate. 

My whole body relaxes as I continue smoking while staring into the distance. 

Time seems to go so slow when you're high. 

I have no thoughts in the world as I pull my hood over my head and let my music blast through my AirPods. 

At this moment nothing feels as bad as it does when I'm at moms'.