LEFT BEHIND | Scarlett Johansson x Daughter.

CHAPTER 24 - THINGS WILL CHANGE*

JJs POV- 22nd February 2019

It's been a week since everything happened. 

It has been so incredibly hard. The first few days were the worst. I was unstable. Out of control some people might even say? But I don't know what I expected, what anyone expected. 

Dad left. He left the day after I got home from the hospital. He said he couldn't stand to see me in pain and kept trying to beg me to tell him what happened but I couldn't. Mom knowing was enough, I can't tell him, I wouldn't tell him. So he left back to Australia. He said he was meant to have been home for a week. I cut his journey short by 3 more days, not a lot but still. 

It hurt that he left, but I'm glad he did. 

I don't know how mom is putting up with me. 

She sent Rose to nans the day after I got home. 

I know she was worried about me, she still is. I couldn't be trusted by myself, Colin was at work even though he had wanted to stay home, mom left me alone for 10 minutes. 

I don't even remember it happening. 

She left me alone in the kitchen for 10 minutes and when she came back I had a knife in my hand and blood dripping from my arm. When she came back in, I dropped the knife I didn't even know I was holding. 

I get why she couldn't have Rose at home right now, Rose needs eyes 24/7 and apparently so do I now too. 

I know this isn't easy for anyone but I can't even help it. I wish I could but I can't. 

It is like time just jumps, I will be sat there and then I blink and I'm somewhere else. 

It is weird. It is uncomfortable. I feel unpredictable but at the same time when I do something I don't realise, I'm also not shocked at what I've done. 

That wasn't even the only thing that happened. The most recent being last night...

I just woke up from another nightmare, mom is asleep in the bed next to me. She hasn't left me alone, I don't mind her company, she makes me feel safe but at night I still can't seem to stop being chased by memories. 

I can see his face so clearly in front of me. But I know he isn't there. It isn't possible. But the repeat of the events won't stop. 

I manage to get out of bed without waking mom. A quick look at my phone tells me it is 3am. Colin is in bed too, the house is silent. 

I need to stop feeling, I need to be numb. 

I know I have no luck in being able to hurt myself. Mom locked everything like that away. 

Bar fridge. 

I sneak down the stairs staying as quiet as possible. I can't risk waking them up, if I do they will want me to talk. I don't want to talk, I just need to forget. 

I reach the kitchen and I move through it quickly, mom has a bar fridge that is full of everything. Well it normally is but right now it is only full of wine. I don't like wine. I need something stronger. 

My mind blanks for a minute until I decide to move to the freezer. The door squeaks as I open it and I grit my teeth in hopes of not waking anyone up. 

His face is still so clear in my mind. I need him gone. 

The bottle of vodka sat in the freezer will definitely help with that. I grab the bottle and close the freezer. 

I look at the bottle, realising it's brand new. 

I open the bottle as I debate if I should get a glass. I move to the cupboard to get one but something hiding behind them seems to pull my attention. I carefully reach behind them as I blindly feel for what is there. My hands land on a box and a lighter.