LEFT BEHIND | Scarlett Johansson x Daughter.

CHAPTER 10 - SILENCE*

My body hits the bed as tears stream down my face. 

I want my dad. 

I can't stay here, I would rather be anywhere but here right now. 

I can't do it. 

I'll call dad tomorrow and tell him I can't do it, beg him to let me come to Australia and never see her again. 

I feel like we are never going to get anywhere, like too much has happened for things to change between us. 

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I peer down at my hands seeing them still clutched together, I see the blood in the palms of my hands and only then do I feel the pain. 

I don't know how long I'm staring at my hands for until I feel someone get into my bed behind me and grab my hands. 

My body turns around quickly, at this moment I don't even care who it is behind me as I cling to their body and cry into their chest. 

"It's okay bug, let it out. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry bug but I promise you I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere, no matter how much you push me away. I'm here because I love you. You're my daughter and I'm your mom. I'm so sorry" Mom speaks into the space around us, her voice sounds so distant. I can feel her against me, I can feel her lips press gentle kissings onto the top of my head, but I can't help but realise how far away she sounds. 

I can't breathe. 

I can't get anything in, I can't let anything out. 

I feel like I'm suffocating.

I feel mom move my head slowly from her chest as she looks at me panicked. Then I realise I sound like I'm choking on air, I am choking on air. 

Mom sits us both up quickly, I can see her lips moving but I can't hear anything she is saying. 

This is horrible. 

She takes my hand and places it over her beating chest. 

Her breathing is going slow and deep, an indication she wants me to follow her movements as she nods her head at me, exaggerating her breathing so I can understand in my haze. 

My tears don't stop as I still can't seem to grasp any air into my lungs. 

Mom stands up pulling me along with her. 

My body feels so weak I can barely even hold myself up. Her arms slide under my own as she takes hold of my body weight. Her exaggerated breathing continues as she speaks.

"Deep breaths, follow me. You're okay, we're okay, just breathe." Being able to hear her voice instantly makes my breathing start to regulate. My body still feels too heavy as I wrap my own arms around moms neck and hold onto her as tightly as I can. I hear the same words being repeated in my ear as she slowly sways us side to side. 

My breathing slows down after a while.

I'm still in her arms. 

Half of me wants to instantly move out of them, too afraid to show her how truly vulnerable I am right now. The other half wanting to soak up the comfort she has instantly brought me, something I've been secretly craving for years. 

Mom brings my body closer to her own as my hands tighten onto her t-shirt. 

"I miss my mom" the cracking of my voice only makes my mom stutter, I feel her chest rumble as I refuse to let her go. 

This moment feels nice, weird and confusing but nice. 

"I miss my daughter too" her voice cracks too.