LEFT BEHIND | Scarlett Johansson x Daughter.

CHAPTER 63 - everything is going to be okay.

Things have been going well, I have been home for a month now. I still have some bad days but now I know how to deal with them much better than I ever did before.

Mom helps a lot, so does dad but mainly mom. She will just sit with me and let me talk everything out when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

She will take me to a meeting in a snap of a finger when I know I need to go.

She will be around me 24/7 if I need it.

But she also left me alone if I asked or if she noticed I needed some time.

Everything is different, but a good different.

Within this month everything between me and mom has been amazing. She doesn't push me, she doesn't make me do anything that I don't want to do. She allows me to process everything by myself until I need her or want her.

She even slept with me for the first week me being home, especially after how awful my first night went. I honestly think if I didn't tell her I was okay now and that she could sleep in her own bed she would have stayed in mine.

It's a whole new level of comfort.

Given I was only at rehab for a month, I am very lucky to be in the position I am actually in. Not many people can adjust after coming home from rehab but I am adjusting and it is going well.

My urges are far away, the wanting to self harm is far away.

I feel good.

Well, I felt good.

Until the discussion came up about returning to school.

And while I did do summer school in hopes of graduating early...well that didn't turn out well as I was mainly high for it.

I want to finish school, of course I do but the anxiety it causes me in going back. I'm afraid it won't help me in my recovery. Which is somehow something I haven't been able to communicate.

Which is where we are now. Sat in Louise's office, going over why it is a good idea if I return to school, but I'm just sitting here in silence while Louise and mom talk to me.

"We can do what we did last time, have you back for 2 or 3 days a week for a bit until we think you're ready to transition into a full week." Louise tells me for the fourth time within the last 20 minutes.

"Bug, going back to school can help you with your routine. You can continue school and hopefully if you work hard enough, graduate at the end of the year. It will be worth it." Mom now says, My head falling into my hands as I rest my elbows on my knees.

"Bug..."

"Y/n."

I stay quiet. This is the worst I have felt since coming home from rehab. I wish I could just speak, just voice how scared, how terrified I am but nothing comes out. And because nothing comes out, my eyes fill with tears instead. Frustration bubbling through me.

"Hey, talk to us bug." Mom mutters into my ear as she pulls me into her and I sob into her chest. She rocks me side to side, allowing me to cry while I try my hardest to make everything make sense in my brain.

"I...I can't go back. I can't." I finally manage to stutter out.

"Why not?" Louise asks me.

"Everyone is going to talk about me. Everyone is going to stare at me, everyone is going to know why I was gone. Alex. Alex knows why I was gone. He gave me CPR while I was dying in front of my house. I can't, I won't be able to look at him without thinking about it over and over again. I am scared. I am scared it is going to take me back to square one and I cannot for the life of me, let myself go back there!" I sob, mom holding me tighter as she strokes her fingers through my hair.