I'M HOME!
It feels surreal.
It feels like it is all a dream and I'm going to wake up any moment now.
But I don't.
Because it is real.
I survived and I'm here.
Rose runs towards me as I walk through the front door, her body launching into mine as I hold her so tight she can't let go.
I see nana and uncle Hunter slowly walk through to the front door, massive smiles on their faces as they come over and both pull me into a hug. Kisses placed on my face.
And I laugh. I laugh for what feels like the most genuine laugh in a long time.
Mom jokingly shoves them off me telling them to give me space and I can't even wipe this smile off of me. And it seems like everyone else can't either.
It's a rare thing, over the past months, this house constantly having smiles grace everyone's faces for longer than a minute, but here we are.
I carry Rose through to the living room, not really knowing what to actually do now I'm home. I don't need to speak about the last month, especially with Rose's little ears around.
But general conversation flows through the room thanks to uncle Hunter, he asks mom about work which for a second I watch her tense at but once I send her a smile she releases whatever she is holding on her shoulders and talks about post production on Black Widow and reshoots that should be happening in LA soon.
And when she says that, I expect panic to course through my body about her leaving but for the first time, panic doesn't fill me.
It feels me with ease knowing that something like this caused me to spiral months ago but now hearing it doesn't. It's a sign of my progress in all of this and truly shows I am healing and dealing with my emotions properly rather than them being hidden away.
Conversation continues to flow through the room while I keep Rose amused on her iPad, she isn't interested in any of the conversations happening around her. She is very much content in being cuddled up half on my chest while I hold the iPad for her.
Having her in my arms makes me think about what kind of sister I want to be. And this right now is how I want to be. Protecting her and just being in her presence without anything negative. I want to be the person who I am right now, the person who she keeps looking up at shyly smiling at and then cuddling more into my chest while I stroke her hair.
I can see mom watching us in the corner of my eye, the smile sitting on her face also bringing me comfort. Knowing her smile is real and that this is where she has always wanted me to be... I won't ruin that, not again. I can't.
I'm home because I know I can be sober, because I want to be sober.
I won't let anything ruin that.
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It feels like hours before nana and uncle Hunter finally leave. I could see their hesitance in leaving, their eyes lingering on mine as they said goodbye, promising to be round again soon.
"I'm gonna go get some pjs on." I smile at mom, she nods her head as she cradles Rose in her arms, trying to will Rose asleep as she fights it away, her own head following me with sleepy eyes. It breaks my heart to know she is following me around the room because she has missed me.
Mom stands up with Rose in her arms, walking towards me with caution on her face, "Oh, erm, okay, wait. Please don't freak out, but we re-done your bedroom...Let me put Rose to bed and then we can..."
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LEFT BEHIND | Scarlett Johansson x Daughter.
FanficABANDONED - having been deserted or left. A relationship that seemed so easy to leave behind. A relationship that continued to spiral through the years as a mother makes a new life but seems to have somewhat abandoned her first. Left behind by her...
