The night seemed to drag as I sat alone in my room. Mom didn't bother coming down to say goodnight. well I assume she didn't as it's now 1am and I haven't seen her since the dinner fiasco.
My dad's flights took off an hour ago and he said he would message on his layover as the flight will take him a whole day. It feels weird. Probably because he has left the country and is going to another one but it's different this time around than other times as this time I'm not in the comfort of my friends at school, I'm at moms house where I'm just alone.
I hate thinking.
I hate feeling helpless.
Most people would maybe die to be in my position.
I can't help but hate it.
I hate her and I worry I'll hate her forever.
As much as my head was overflowing with thoughts, sleep seemed to overwhelm me as my vision went black and I fell into dreamland.
------
A hand in my hair wakes me up as I come around, my mind betrays me as I imagine my dads hand running through my hair and when I finally come around and realise the hand is Scarletts I can't help but instinctively flinch out of her touch and create distance between us. Maybe some people would see this as her 'trying' but in my eyes I just see it as guilt.
"Hey, good morning. I just thought I'd wake you up and let you know that I'm gonna drop Rose off to grandmas if you wanted to come and on the way back we can grab a Starbucks and maybe just I don't know hangout? talk?" I can see the hope in her eyes and I hate how much my mind is such a push and pull. Is this her way to warm me up so I forgive her? Sending off Rose so me and her can have one on one time for the first time in 2 years? Who knows but the thought of leaving my bed isn't an option and the thought of seeing my grandma another person I also haven't seen in 2 years also puts me off of moving too.
"I'm fine, thanks. have fun"
"Fine. I'll be home in 30 minutes tops. Colins at work so yeah. See you in a bit" I can tell I've frustrated her, her fine and her sigh so obvious in her feelings. I remember when she used to be good at hiding her thoughts and emotions away from me but I guess having not seen each other in so long she seems to have lost her touch. I'm not a child anymore. I grew up a lot in the years she hadn't seen me. I'm a different person now and it's her fault for missing all that time. That doesn't even include the time when she and my dad got divorced. She has pulled away more in the past 2 years but over the past 6-8 years she was already pulling away.
Did she hate me? Was I the reason she actually left dad? What have or had I done for her to have just left? To just have left me alone?
It frustrates me even more knowing that her whole family left too.
Grandma and Grandpa. Uncle Hunt, Christian and Adrian and even Aunt Vanessa, I didn't just lose mom. I lost all of them in the process.
My dad was an only child, his parents died not long after I was born. All I knew with my family was mom, dad and moms family. And then out of nowhere my moms gone and moved out willingly, and the visits start to lessen after every year, the contact starts to get harder as her work picks up, her family stops visiting after a while too. the only one that didn't abandon me was dad and at times I'm finding it hard to believe if he would have abandoned me too if mom and her family hadn't done it first.
Instead of wallowing in my self pity I pick myself up and decide to shower. I notice my suitcases at the bottom of the stairs across the room. So I go and push them onto the floor to find an outfit I can just chill out in and try to find my skincare in the mess of my suitcase. I manage to find a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie that I can just throw on but I end up not being able to find my skincare which only seems to frustrate me.
The shower feels too hot against my skin but if I turn it any lower it's too cold. I can't seem to find the perfect temperature and it feels like it's another con to add to my list of why I shouldn't be here.
I stay standing under the shower head what feels like forever. My eyes staring at the wall in front of me as all things fill my head, it feels too heavy, too busy. my eyes seem to flicker to the razor that's sat on the edge of the shower, staring at me. like its just tormenting me to let my thoughts out the only way I can in this moment.
just as I go to reach for the razor I hear a knock on my bathroom door. I scramble myself to turn off the shower and start getting myself dried and dressed.
I can hear shuffling around my room and realise that mom must be back and was clearly the knock I heard on my door. I thought I'd be able to avoid having a talk or even worse a lecture but it seems luck isn't on my side for a second day running.
"I got you an iced latte, I thought you'd still want a Starbucks even if you didn't want to come along for the drive" mom's hand stretches out in front of me as my ice coffee hangs in her hand waiting for me to take it off of her.
"thanks" my lips fold into a tight small smile which most likely doesn't even look like a smile.
"I think we need to talk?" don't blow up y/n, don't blow up.
"Yeah well you think we do but I don't want too so, good luck having a talk with someone who isn't interested Scarlett"
I blew up.
YOU ARE READING
LEFT BEHIND | Scarlett Johansson x Daughter.
FanfictionABANDONED - having been deserted or left. A relationship that seemed so easy to leave behind. A relationship that continued to spiral through the years as a mother makes a new life but seems to have somewhat abandoned her first. Left behind by her...
