LEFT BEHIND | Scarlett Johansson x Daughter.

CHAPTER 19 - BUSY

Scarletts POV; 9th February 2019.

A week has passed since everything majorly changed. 

I've spent the past week reaching out to an endless list of therapists for JJ. 

It's harder than it seems. I'm even debating reaching out to my therapist and asking her for recommendations. I need someone I can trust as well as JJ. That's why it's even more tempting to send her to my own therapist, but I don't think it works like that. It will definitely be my last resort if anything. 

Other than that, I've made the decision to move JJ upstairs until further notice. The thought of her being so far away sends panic through my body. I haven't left her side, I physically can't. 

The thought of her hurting herself, or worse, just, no words can explain it. 

So we have had a field day on moving her own bed up there and other stuff from her room. She hasn't seemed annoyed by it which is a relief. 

While I have been watching her like a hawk I have been trying to see if I can notice any mood changes or just anything but I haven't. 

She looks happy. Anyone would think she is happy. It just makes things harder, wondering how long this has been happening and that she has been suffering in silence, alone.

And I hate that. I'm her mom, I'm meant to be there for her, protect her. But I just fear I'm the one who's caused all of this. 

I left.

I abandoned her. 

She is right, I caused her so much pain. I made her think she wasn't enough, that work was more important than her. That everyone in my life was more important than her. But that's so far from the truth, she is my baby. My first baby, she made me a mom. And I hate myself for making her so sad. 

"MOM" JJ shouts opposite me.

"Huh? What's wrong?!" I panic.

"You're crying? I should be asking you what's wrong?" She rounds the kitchen island I've been sitting at for the past few hours. Her fingers wipe away some tears that have rolled down my cheeks. 

"Sorry baby, I'm okay. You hungry?" I chuckle, she doesn't need to worry about me, that's not her job. I jump out of my chair, walking over to the fridge to see if there is anything to snack on. 

"There's some fruit you can have, or I know I have some ice cream somewhere...where is it...?" I mutter as I move to open the freezer door. 

I feel someone's hand on my shoulder pulling me from my rambling. I turn my head and I'm met with JJ's face, her eyebrows drawn and a concerned look on her face. 

"I'm not hungry...I just want to come see what you are doing? What's going on? You're acting really weird..." I stand up and pull her into my arms.

"I'm okay, I was just spaced out. I love you."

"Uh-huh...I love you too...so it hasn't got anything to do with the list of therapists sitting on the table?" JJ asks, pulling her head from my chest to look up at me.

"You're sneaky you know." I chuckle.

"I know mommmm. But can you just talk to me? especially if it is about me?" 

"We can talk later, yeah? Not right now, we have stuff to do today" I question. JJ rests her head back on my chest nodding along to my words. I want to stay in this moment. Her in my arms, like nothing bad can happen to us right now. 

"What do we have planned then?" She mumbles tiredly into my chest 

"We have to go get some groceries, and I was thinking of ordering in for dinner? What do you think?"