LEFT BEHIND | Scarlett Johansson x Daughter.

CHAPTER 58 - BAD HABIT. *

That weekend passed in a blur. From mom coming home to her helping nana clean up my cuts. To falling asleep and then continuously getting high behind their backs...

It was the only thing that helped the thought of her being there. 

Helped to stop the thoughts clear my mind. Helped forget about the pain I felt through my whole body. 

I tried remembering the month before when she came home but I kept drawing blanks. Until Alex told me what happened. I was extremely high. Asking him to drop me off a few joints and complaining over and over about mom in his car while he laughed at me continuously for a whole hour. To me calling him crying every night she was home about how much I wished she hadn't come back. 

He tried keeping me in check but could only do so much through the phone. He said how he had to help me get to sleep through the phone or help me come down from my high by FaceTiming me and getting me to sit in a cold shower with my clothes on. 

To how I begged him to show me how to hide my high from her in the first place. 

It's like it all came so easy to me after that. 

Alex kept telling me he was worried about me. Worried that I have dug myself a hole that I can't get out of and that he wanted to be the ladder to help me out but apparently I used an argument with him and didn't speak to him for 3 days...Safe to say I didn't remember any of that either. 

None of this is easy. None of this is what I have ever asked for.

I never asked for my real dad to be a total jackass. I never asked for the party to happen. I never asked for any of this. I was given it. Alex keeps telling me we are given what we can handle but I don't feel like I am handling it well. 

I'm still high. Even now, while sitting on the couch with Rose in my lap watching some movie. I am high. 

Dad and nana are in the kitchen talking while making dinner. Mom is meant to be home tomorrow...

I haven't seen Louise in 2 months either. Constantly coming up with excuses and refusing to see her. Ignoring her phone calls and texts, even locking myself in my room when she came to the house. 

They all know something is going on, but they don't know what. Which I guess is a good thing. Well I think they don't know. 

All I know is right now I'm getting irritated by this movie and the way Rose keeps tapping her foot on the couch. I'm trying so hard to hold back. I've been with her for an hour, we were dancing and singing around the living room but then she wanted to watch a film. 

I need to get out before I flip, I can't right now. Too much is going on, I can hear dad talking and Rose humming, her foot tapping, the movie playing. It's making me feel crazy. I need to get out. 

I move Rose off my lap and run out of the room, hearing Rose shout my name along with dad and nana over my quick escape but it's only making me feel worse. 

I run into my room and throw myself into bed and cover my ears with my hands. I need it to be quiet. It needs to be quiet. 

Hands touching me have me punching out my arms. Shouting to let me go and they do. Nana is standing next to my bed, her arms up showing me she won't touch me again. 

"Your nose is bleeding baby, did you hit yourself?" Nana turns to walk out the room. My nose has been bleeding more frequently than ever. I had a nosebleed when I met Jordan the other day to get more coke and he told me it's normal but to slow down for a while. Told me to use my gums instead so I have been. I can't keep walking around having nosebleeds.