(Silently Drowning Series - Book Two)
Maybe that's it. We eventually go numb; because you can't break a heart that's already broken.
Maxwell Augustus; A boy who has seen nothing but hatred, yet somehow he's filled with so much love. Covered in scar...
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Maxwell Augustus
The four 'F's, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
Fight; confront the threat. Often filled with anger, rage, high energy, confrontation, irritability, and aggression. Often seen as controlling, 'the bully', and narcissistic.
Flight; Run away from the threat. Often filled with anxiety, panic, avoidance, chronic worry, and high energy. Often seen as a workaholic, over-thinker, someone who may avoid situations, and a perfectionist.
Freeze; Shut down to block out the threat. Often filled with dissociation, numbness, shutdown, immobilization, depression, shame, and low energy. Often seen as someone who is simply stuck, doesn't talk, listen, or learn.
Fawn; Appease the threat. Often filled with people-pleasing, codependency, lack of boundaries, prioritizing others' needs over their own, hard time setting boundaries, and difficulty saying 'no'. Often seen as identity confusion, and performative surface-level engagement.
It's too easy to judge someone based on their actions but have you ever questioned the reasons behind their actions?
"You look just like a male version of your mother." Noah whispers into my ear as his hand continues to trail my body and my eyes instantly filled with tears.
Is it wrong to say I'm glad my mom isn't alive?
If her own brother is willing to hurt me or sexually touch me because I happen to look vaguely like my mom, I'm scared to know what he may have done to her if she was around just a few years longer.
I would rather it be me than her.
I may not remember her but I would like to think she was the sweetest person in the world. I guess I would never know but it makes me feel slightly better to live in that fantasy for a bit.
If her husband could harm their son how long would it have taken for him to stop and harm her?
I feel Shanes fist meet my ribcage — what's his obsession with my ribs? I'm suddenly appreciative that my omnipod is no longer on my stomach cause that shit hurts five times more.
**
Sometimes I wish I could stop speaking to Romeo.
Sometimes it feels like being around him is beginning to hurt.
But then again he also makes me feel like it may be okay one day, even when the world seems dim, because after all... He's my best friend and even if it hurts sometimes, I can't picture my life without him.
