(Silently Drowning Series - Book Two)
Maybe that's it. We eventually go numb; because you can't break a heart that's already broken.
Maxwell Augustus; A boy who has seen nothing but hatred, yet somehow he's filled with so much love. Covered in scar...
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Maxwell Augustus
Indecisiveness comes from trying to make everyone else happy, except for yourself.
Seeing those around me smiling makes the world... my world... just a tad bit brighter but is suffering in silence really any better when the truth finally reaches the surface and it will — it always will.
Then again, I suffer in silence so nobody has to feel my pain. It's a kind of despair I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies. It's not really shame or maybe it is...
The way my skin turns purple and I will never be strong enough to fight back , I will never have the strength to protect myself but at least I can protect her, that's all that matters, even if I don't get the happy ending we all crave.
I don't blame anyone for the inevitable fate that I am doomed too. Maybe the man that enjoys watching as crimson flows from my skin but even he has his reasons and at least he's happy.
At least I'm good for something.
The demons that linger in my veins waiting to come out to play. Kept to myself not wanting to burden anyone with the darkening thought that begins creaming in my brain.
It's a matter of time.
They come and go as they please, reminding me of every last reason behind my very existence.
Everyone has something that drowns out the pain but that something will end up taking what's left of you.
Sometimes it's drugs or alcohol, sometimes it's some form of self-harm, sometimes it's overworking yourself at the gym, and sometimes... It's your own self-negligence.
Self Noun A person's essential being that distinguishes them from others.
Negligence Noun Failure to take proper care in doing something.
Self-negligence is often used to describe a vulnerable adult living in a way that puts their health, safety, or well-being at risk.
If that doesn't describe Maxwell George Augustus than I seriously don't know what does.
My entire life is a risk.
Between the nearly daily beatings that cause me to miss medications or the genuinely forgetting when they are out of town.
Between walking on the edge of a cliff — asking the wind not to push me over the edge.
Between standing between my father and sister, begging... pleading... for him to just let her go to her room.
Between failing to take care of the open wounds because I just don't care anymore.
Between allowing the oil to build up in my hair because i just don't care anymore.
Between allowing the yellow to build up on my teeth because I just don't care anymore.
Do you see a theme here?
Maybe not caring is what it takes to not feel.
Much like the emptiness in those plain white room that just lead to insanity.
Sometimes I feel like that plain white room.
Nothing fills it but void.
That void leaves you alone with your thoughts.
That void will kill you.
But then again won't most things?
Pollution is in the air — might as well stop breathing then...
Hey... That doesn't sound like a bad idea.
The way Autumn doesn't seem as magical and the flower are dead by spring.
The way we can break a promise far quicker than we ever can make one.
The way rainy days seem so much brighter than when the sun shines overhead.
They say the hero wins once the villain finally dies but if I know anything from watching marvel movies, the villain always comes back and it's a matter of time before the hero falls.
I'm sorry to say it Mr. Stark but I don't think we can win this time.
No amount of engineer genius level intellect powered armor can save you from your own demons.
or the demons of others.
Or the demons that appear in a physical form.
As it turns out my life is not a marvel film but regardless of the nicotine stained walls or the random blood stain in the corner — it's not all bad.
At least there's Megan and Lisa... And Romeo...
Always Romeo.
This is my story and if life keeps heading in the direction that it's going.... It will be the story of how life goes on...
