When people hear the name "Andrew Biersack", they instantly think of the rockstar and lead singer of Black Veil Brides. Globally loved and famous, right? To Skylar Kilgour, he was so much more than that. A childhood best friend and her first love. A...
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After that day, things were pretty much official with Liam & I. He never officially asked me out or anything, but we knew we belonged to each other. Things came so naturally between us, we did what every other couple did. No, we didn't have extravagant dates to fancy dinners. We usually just hung out at my house, cuddled up on the couch & watching a movie. Or taking joy rides on warm days, windows down & blasting our favorite songs. I liked Liam, I really did. We never said 'I love you' but I felt no rush to get to that point. I was still learning about Liam, but I think I could totally & completely fall for him, with time.
My mom & Chance kind of just assumed we were together. They didn't ask any awkward questions, but seeing how close we were & how we were always snuggling up to one another, my mom kind of just assumed. Of course we had the awkward 'talk' about being safe & such, which every 15 year old's mother does. But overall, she gave her blessing & let us spend as much time together. She just wanted me to stay safe, but she was happy I found someone.
Liam & I were laying down on the couch watching the first Saw movie. We loved horror & that's something we bonded over. We enjoyed grabbing onto each other while a scary scene popped up or clenching each other's hand while in suspense. But this time we were just laying in each other's arms. My mom was out with Michael & Chance was out in a study group with friends, leaving us alone, which made the movie even scarier. I laid on my back on the couch, while Liam laid on his stomach on top of me, resting his head on my chest while we watched the film. The sun was slowly setting, leaving my living room growing darker as we had only the light of the TV screen. I was fully intrigued by the movie, giving it my full attention. I couldn't say the same about Liam, though, as he couldn't seem to get comfortable. Every second he was moving a little & shifting his body. He kept fidgeting his fingers with the bottom of my shirt, tracing circles. Every few seconds he was giving me a kiss, which I had to pull away from as I was trying to pay attention. I could tell he was losing patience because he suddenly pulled his hand to my face, grabbing it lightly & landing a kiss on my lips. But it wasn't a soft kiss, this time it was more passionate & heated. He moved himself higher up, so he was completely hovering over me. I returned the kiss back, running my hands through his hair.
"Liam!", I squealed in between kisses, I felt his lips leave mine as he trailed them down to my neck. "C'mon, pay attention..", I managed to breath out. Suddenly, I felt a new sensation on the middle of my neck. He kissed & sucked lightly , while leaving a soft bite on it. A soft moan escaped my lips, which I quickly covered my mouth. I felt my face heat up & could tell I was turning bright red. Liam's lips left my neck as he looked back down on me with a wide smile.
"It's okay, you don't have to be embarrassed.", he whispered softly, before kissing my cheek & trailing the kisses to my earlobe & back down to my neck. I then realized what he was trying to do when I felt his hand sneak up under my shirt, to my waist. I quickly pushed his hands away. He gave a soft giggle & did it again. I pushed him away entirely & sat up. He looked at me confused.
"What's wrong?", he asked, looking concerned. I bit my bottom lip, feeling my heart race in my chest.
"I just...I feel like it's too soon..", i stammer, trying to calm myself down a bit. I had only been with Liam for almost a month now. We hadn't taken things fast, it's been very gradual. But I still feel like it's too soon to go this far. Especially since we haven't even said 'I love you' yet, it felt wrong at the moment.
"You've never done it before?", he asked. I look down, shaking my head 'no'.
"Well, I can be your first. I won't hurt you.", he reassured, grabbing my hand softly. I pull it away.
"I just don't want to do it just yet. Sometime. Maybe soon. But not yet.", I insist. He stays quiet but nods. I look up at him, scared I upset him.
"You're not upset are you?", I ask. He shakes his head & replies, "Of course not. I don't want to rush you.", he smiles. I smile back.
With that, we went back to our previous position & continued watching the movie while cuddling.
I tried to focus on the movie, but my mind couldn't help but to wander. I felt some sort of anxiety about not wanting to take things to the next level with Liam. I know that my reasons are valid, but I just wish I was able to crawl into his mind & read what he's thinking right now.
Is he bored of me?
Is he going to lose interest?
And just like that, my mood did a complete 180 & I was filled with anxiety for the rest of the evening. Once the movie was finished, we both got up & I saw him to the door to say goodbye. It was a school night for him & he needed to be home a little earlier. We shared our usual goodbye with a kiss before I shut the door & sat back down on my living room couch. I laid my head down on the sofa's throw pillow & channel surfed on the TV. I just wanted something to distract myself from these impulsive thoughts I was having. I want to respect myself & take things slow. I don't want to do anything I'd regret. And yeah, I have to admit, I am scared. It's a scary thing. Growing up is hard & I've always wanted a relationship. But I just feel as though I'm not ready yet. But maybe these things will resolve with time. Once I'm with Liam for longer, I'll be more prepared. It'll happen when the time is right. I just have to keep reminding myself.
I must've passed out on the couch because when I woke up again, I saw that the clock said 1 am & someone put a throw blanket over top me.
