𝑪𝑯𝑬𝑴𝑰𝑪𝑨𝑳𝑳𝒀 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹𝑺 (A TMF AU)

🗯️Twisted Morality

14th May, 2004.

I shut the door and immediately slid down to the floor, "How could I do this to you..?" I quietly whispered, leaning my head into my hands. My tears eventually fell down to the ground, I shut my eyes and continued to quietly sob in my hands.
"If any guy breaks your heart, I'll make sure I break one of his bones."
"Oh please Luke, you feel bad when you accidentally step on an ant, there's no way you'd pull that off."
I remembered the time he said that to me, he always treated me so kindly. And for me to do this behind his back like this? How could I do such a thing to you Luke? I felt even more tears drop from my eyes. I hugged my torso and felt miserable. This always happens when I see Drew, I always let my guard down, and I always get swept away. That's it, from now on I won't let him take me so easily like this.

I heard my cellphone ring, I immediately got up and tried to find it. It was on the desk in my room, I picked it up in my hand and stared at it as it continued to ring. It was Luke. I sighed and felt myself tear up even more, I didn't have the courage to speak to him. Not after what he said, that really hurt. I declined the call and left my cellphone back on the desk. I looked down at my watch and realized I still had some time to get ready and go to work today, I already missed enough days. I just hoped I wouldn't cross paths with Luke. What made me even more nervous was the fact his birthday was only in five days, I thought about the tulips I've been carefully taking care of for a whole month now. I planted them because of him, I wanted to give him those tulips for his birthday. How am I going to do that if I don't even have the courage to look at him?

I have a bad habit of getting mean when I'm nervous, I'd definitely say something bad if I saw him again, because I'd be nervous. All I want is to change as a person for once, I've always been like this. No matter how tough I may seem, I always fall apart in these moments.

In reality, I thought about what he said. If he cared so much, could he lovingly hold me? Could he reassure me with kind words? Would he..kiss me, and make me feel alright? Could we watch the sunset together again, in each other's embrace? How could I let a man make me feel like this? I'm better than this, I'm a scientist, I'm a genius! I don't need this.

I quickly brushed that thought aside, it was strange to think of my best friend in a romantic way. He could still hold me and tell me kind words in a platonic way after all. Though, I felt like I could simply burst into tears if I saw him today. I hoped I wouldn't have to walk by Luke in the facility. I could simply pretend we were strangers again. I could pretend that we were the same strangers at the event party back in February. It would make me feel better.

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I walked outside of the building, tightly holding onto the flowers in my hand. I wanted to surprise him, I wanted to give him these flowers. But, jealousy and fear got the best of me, so I said some stupid things that I didn't even really mean. I knew that if he got back with Drew, this would be the end for me. I had to slowly accept that I wouldn't be able to see Zander at all anymore. I'm pretty sure he's already fine with that, he wouldn't want to see my face after all I said to him anyway. How come I felt more sad about this than my break-up with Stacy? The thought of not being able to see Zander already made my heart break, the fear of him moving away to Massachusetts with Drew already made me so frantic. I only met him this year, I don't wanna let go of him so soon.

I wanted to travel the world with him, give him what he's missed out on as a teenager. Unfortunately, I'm starting to think I won't be able to do that. All because of Drew, this was mostly his fault.

As I walked out of the door, I was met with an empty street and a cloudy blue sky. I turned my head and saw Drew leaning on the wall, assumingly waiting. "Drew?" I quietly said. He looked up from his cellphone and turned his head to me. "Luke, hey." He smiled. I wanted to punch him and wipe that stupid smile off of his face. "What's the matter? Why do you look so grumpy? Did Zander reject you?" He asked walking up to me and continuing to smile. There was nothing genuine about that smile, it was pure evil.